URBAN GIRDLE

Rachel Who?

2012-02-09T11:41:00.000-08:00

By what magical means does Rachel McAdams keep booking the same movie roll over and over? I mean clearly she can't remember sh*t...we got it! I prefer her "mean" or suffering her "slings & arrows". Rachel snap out of it! You're tempting the fates! Stop telling the universe you have memory problems or you will end up alone in you own brain!! Pick up a gun and fight some vampires like all the other starlets! Geez!

Dreamy....

2012-02-08T16:00:00.000-08:00

I adore this You Tube Video for a number of reasons. One it stars two of my favorite people on the planet Christopher Tierney & Natalie Lomonte. Their talent blows me away every time they move, effortless grace that makes me feel lighter than air and I'm just sitting here in my Jew cube watching! Two it's produced by Treehouse Productions, as everyone knows my apt. is named the "treehouse "so obviously I'm partial. Three it's another example that it IS possible to create something small and beautiful that reaches a mass audience. Finally, I have these fantasies on the subway all the time. It's one of the best things about living in the city that doesn't sleep, you can dream at the drop of a hat even when you're surrounded by strangers.

Brava Rebecca Faulkenberry!!

The Small Hours

Pitch #1

2012-01-31T10:40:00.000-08:00

Picture this.....Kristen Schaal and myself in the American version of The Vicar of Dibley. It's GENIUS. We set it in the south and call it The Episcopal Bishop of Shreveport. Come on it'll be fun!

Vicar of Dibley Joke Collection

Truth be told there has been a US Version kicking around already. Jane Leeves and Peri Gilpin set up their production company Bristol Cities with a U.S. version of The Vicar of Dibley as their first project. On 6 February 2007, Fox announced plans to adapt The Vicar of Dibley into an American sitcom, titled The Minister Of Divine. The series starred Kirstie Alley as a former "Wild Child" who returned to her hometown as its first female minister. The series was not picked up by Fox for its 2007–2008 schedule.

Fox's loss is FX's gain in my opinion!! Other competing networks are free to apply. hahahaha!

Whatcha talkin bout Mitt?

2012-01-30T09:17:00.000-08:00

Regardless of his Republican ideology, his religion, or exceptionally low tax rate paid or unpaid. Mitt Romney on the Today Show told Matt Lauer and I quote.....

"Politics ain't bean bags."

First of all, what?

Second I can't trust anyone, regardless of what Merriam-Webster says "is" a word, who says "ain't". The leader of the free world should have a more developed vocabulary. One sets an example by raising the vernacular bar for those who gather to listen.

Ain't is like nails on a chalk board. Mitt you appear to be talking "down" to the people. Don't fool yourself Mr. Romney, you are not one of us. Anyone who lives on interest earned on "investments" is not Joe America from Main Street. So to be perfectly clear about your colloquial misstep I "am not" voting for you.

This also goes for anyone who thinks -th is pronounced -f.

Miller Time

2012-01-26T06:00:00.000-08:00

“Every day we slaughter our finest impulses. That is why we get a heartache when we read those lines written by the hand of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots which we stifled because we lacked the faith to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty. Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths. We all derive from the same source. there is no mystery about the origin of things. We are all part of creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, only to discover what is already there.”
― Henry Miller

ps-It's always been there, it's just doing it alone that scares me. You were supposed to hold my hand and help me navigate the obstacles. Now I have to jump. Leaping from the safety of my mind and into realty; a dangerous place for a dreamer, but as they say it's, "Miller Time". Now or never squire....I can't disappoint my #1 fan now can I?

My President!

2012-01-25T07:53:00.000-08:00

This is a status update circulating Facebook. I thought it was wonderful and deserved its own blog posting.

MY PRESIDENT:

1. Got Osama Bin Laden...check

2. Unemployment rate down to 8.5%...check

3. 1.6 million jobs created with no GOP help...check

4. 22 months of job and economic growth...check

5. Ended war in Iraq ...check

6. DADT repeal...check

7. Not one tax hike in 3 years....check

8. Same wife for 15 years with no extra marital affairs...check

9. Saved the auto industry which got GM back to the #1 automaker in the world and created 1.5 million jobs...check

10. Assisted in ousting Ghaddafi...check

11. Only active President to receive Nobel Peace prize while in office...check

12. Mortgage modification to prevent home owners from losing their home ...check

13. STILL fighting for middle class families...check

14. 1st president since Roosevelt (GOP) to reform healthcare....check

15. Reformed financial system, first time since FDR...check

Personal Statement: I was born into a Super Conservative Republican Catholic household. I went to college and saw the world, opened my mind to people & ideas. Expanded my horizons and learned that we either stand together opposing bigotry, corruption and greed or we fall prey to it's grinding wheel. Lest we forget "ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL" and until that day when we ALL have the civil rights we deserve and can flourish financially within our dreams only then can we rest against those who would subjugate us under their oligarchy.

Obama was handed over America as the sinking Titanic and not only has he plugged the whole and stop the ship from sinking, we are starting to finally sail! Full speed ahead for the next 4 years! Huzzah!

Toasty Digits!!

2012-01-19T08:37:00.000-08:00

The Swedes invented something I can use that doesn't require an L wrench to put it together only to have it fall apart in 3 months. The Sküüzi (it even has umlauts!!) is genius for the outdoor beer drinker!! It might even make me like sports more!! Double fisting just got cozier!! Wait what?

2011 Stats - The Best of it Podcast

2012-01-18T09:22:00.000-08:00

Starting 2012 is full of excitement and promise like with every new year we think this ONE will surely be better than the last. So I'm starting with good news. Marc & I have some really interesting facts & stats about our podcast project, The Best of it Podcast. Here is a breakdown of who's listening to us ramble through current events and what life throws in our general direction.

Our listeners live in the following countries....

	United States
	Canada
	South Korea
	Israel
	Indonesia
	Turkey
	Cambodia
	Germany Most of them live in New York City and speak English both in the styles of the good ol USA & her majesty's UK (oh there is a difference, if you don't trust me ask Oscar Wilde) and one lovely listener who speaks Turkish. Who knew? 69% are female and 30% are male....I guess that 1% is our undecided or tranny market. In this age of social networking and technology you really can reach the world from even the tiniest of treehouses on the Upper East Side. We endeavor in 2012 is go even further and expand to an even broader audience....so tune in and spread the word, life isn't worth living if you're not making The Best of It! https://www.facebook.com/thebestofit http://soundcloud.com/thebestofitpodcast

Hair Raising Idea

2011-12-07T10:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes your heart just says, "no." I thought writing my Christmas memories would be a fun task and a nice archive later to return to, but it simply hurts too much. Revisiting them is just upsetting so I am abandoning this blog assignment to replace it with my usual rambles.

First up: CANCER!

Wit on Broadway

Cynthia Nixon is bringing Vivian Bearing to the Great White Way. I couldn't be more thrilled. I didn't see Judith Light do it downtown, but I did see Emma Thompson in the HBO version. I'm still recovering. The cancer aside what put me into action to blog was this picture of a bald Ms. Nixon. (click link above) What is it about a bald woman that is so jarring? I don't feel the same way about bald men. Capt. Picard rocks it as does Michael Jordon, I don't think twice. Am I just conditioned to think a woman is "naked" without her hair. As if it's taboo or wrong to be caught without your locks? Or it immediately triggers "sickness" and that face of "are you ok?" I don't know, but I don't like it. Bald should be beautiful for both sexes. My sister shaved her head a number of years ago because she was just fed up with it. The up keep, the way men treated her because of it. She worked a jaunty scarf to the horror of everyone around her.....(by the way this was pre-Britney Spears meltdown). She looked great and it was an amazing and liberating experiment for her. I've always said I would do it at 50, but I am thinking of moving that date up a decade or so....to baldly go where women fear to go!

Christmas Memory #2

2011-12-02T09:11:00.000-08:00

There's a picture of me somewhere under the tree in pink footie pj's. When I say "under" the tree I mean as if I was a mechanic checking it for oil. I would spend hours looking up through the limbs at the lights and ornaments. It was a parallel imaginary universe where sugar plum fairies danced in my head and sometimes before my eyes. I swear they moved but maybe I had too much "adult" egg nog by mistake.

Creating fanciful story lines for the inanimate treasures we collected over the years and wishing deep down that I could join them amongst the needles. Or maybe I was just really into "The Littles" at that time, but they lived in the walls of the house and not in a tree....I digress.

Christmas is about escaping into the warmth of childhood. Getting as close as I could to the tree made the magic of it spring into my tiny little brain. Clearly it took root and has grown into my memory. Kind of like that conifer tree that grew in that guy's lung on Grey's Anatomy only less gross & deadly.

Christmas Memory #1

2011-12-01T13:39:00.000-08:00

I decided to try and recall a Christmas memory for everyday of December up until the 25th. A peeping advent calendar of the holiday through the morass that is my grey matter. They will be in no particular order, just what springs forth from my cerebral clouds.

We had a live tree every year until we moved to Florida. The family would bundle up and jump in the car and head off towards the nearest forest. Dad would brandish his hack saw after Mom picked the perfect sized spruce and we'd cut it from the earth, load it on the roof and trundle home. Sometimes if the wind is right in Central Park on a blustery winter day I can smell the freshness of the pine & recall the snap of sap on my fingers.

Later on after we moved to Florida we bought a plastic tree from Sears. It never felt the same as when we hunted down our own Tannenbaum.

Wie treu sind deine Blätter!

Your Great Reward

2011-11-29T03:00:00.000-08:00

I'm not saying this gets you a free pass into the promised land, however over the weekend I had a premonition that might help out if the judgement scales are tipping towards damnation.

The lord is really into you doing self less things for other people right? Therefore it makes sense that if you help your friends move, there is a special VIP room in heaven waiting for you. No one likes to move and fewer people are willing to help others move. Therefore showing up early on a Saturday morning to chip in and get the job done must mean that a divine bounty is awaiting you at some point. I have helped many a friend schlep their crap to and fro. So I think my karma is set for the champagne room in Valhalla.

If you find paradise is slipping from your grasp and you need to hedge your bets pick up a box or watch a truck for a friend and I'll make sure you get your share of the all you can eat sushi that JC cuts fresh daily!!

Amen.

Attention Superman!

2011-11-28T07:08:00.000-08:00

On 101st Street & West End there is a telephone booth. I know it's a hike for a quick change but I think it's the last one in Manhattan. Good luck & god speed Man of Steel!

Date Me?

2011-11-22T10:24:00.000-08:00

Really I've decided to go down this road again. I posted a profile on match.com, I thought why not take a peek? I mean my best friend is now married and pregnant by a guy she met on this website so why not? It might work for the gays too. I am already deep in regret 24hours into the experiment. Ugh I hate people, no really, they are awful creatures I should know I am one.

Basically because it all inevitably breaks down into the ones we want don't want us and the ones that want us we would sooner die than date. It's a vicious circle my now ex-therapist and I danced the fox trot to for hours at a time. I believe the old Groucho Marx quote can be applied to this idea, "I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."

Does it HAVE to be in our nature to want to be with someone? Frankly I am coming to the realization that I am more than enough. I don't need to be "completed" by someone else. So Jerry Maguire and Jane Austin can go f*ck themselves. I'm not catching my death standing in the rain waiting for some ass hat named Willoughby to finally get a grip and love me. Kate Winslet doesn't require approval from some dickey wearing twit to take care of her and neither do I.

So a pox on you internet dating sites!! Daggers & weebotkins to you all! I'm off to kick up my heels unhindered by the weight of another’s' baggage! I've got me own!

Two Cars

2011-11-21T09:45:00.000-08:00

We took two cars the day we returned to the hospital to find out what exactly was happening to my mother. I can't remember why now? I do remember driving by myself in my grey Pontiac Sunbird. I absentmindedly put in the Les Misérables Broadway Cast album figuring a little "turn table" distraction would take my mind off the stress weighing down on me. Only, when "One Day More" started playing I instantly realized my error in music selection. Suddenly I was hearing the lyrics as applied to my life not the French revolution.

Tomorrow is the judgment day.

Tomorrow we'll discover

What our God in heaven has in store.

One more dawn.

One more day.

One day more!

Needless to say I burst into tears and almost wrecked my car. I just can’t believe THIS is what "God" had in store for me and my family. Really? This was the plan, complete obliteration from reality, earmarking them only as ghosts that wander in my dreams who occasionally slip into my shuffle playlist where I wormhole back to them for 3 minutes & 30secs? Really this is what all those years of love, growing pains & understanding become in the end. Some music video that only I can see.

Dear Apple, iPod's are really time machines, I wish my brief, fleeting trips could be to happier places. You might want to work on an App for that so I don't accidentally wind up keening in a bathroom stall at work.

2011-11-13T08:03:00.000-08:00

As I was thinking about what to write today in celebration of my mother’s 72^nd birthday I went through some of my other blogs honoring the day. I realized I said everything perfectly in 2007, but it bears repeating with a few updates…

My Golden Girl

My mother would have been 72 today.

She would have just been hitting her prime as a sassy senior with all the strut and promise of a woman who’s lived a life full of family, laughter and love.

Both of us were born on the 13th something that might seem to be unlucky to most, but not to us. We always thought of it as a reminder that we were special. Nobody lifts an eyebrow if you were born on the 3rd, 18th or 23rd. But tell them you were born on the 13th and you always get a hair-raising reaction.

If I try to sum my mother up into one thing it would be impossible. She was so many things to so many different people. She made an impact wherever she went and with whomever she came in contact. The “IT” Factor can totally be applied to her, people were drawn to her, they respected and admired who she was and not just because she threw one hell of a party. She was the party.

I can remember as a little girl watching the parties my parents threw, my sister and I would sneak down the hall in our footy pj’s to peer around the corner into the grand room. Dad would be at the piano playing some swing tune that made everyone dance like no one was watching. Mom would be whirling around making sure everyone had what they needed, the laughter and the smiling faces of friends and neighbors are still as clear today in my mind as they were then. Or if my parents went out on the town, again my sister and I would be spellbound while watching Mom put on her make-up and her fancy dress. Shalimar and Old Spice bring me right back to those moments.

She loved chocolate turtles. Old movies and popcorn made on the stove. She loved to dance and even won a swing contest or two with my father. Dancing with her in the kitchen between unending rounds of holiday baking used to make us laugh so hard my sister and I’d fall to the floor.
Her most treasured possessions, other than her family, were the pictures she took. She used to tell me if the house ever caught fire to grab the albums and run. She was meticulous in printing on the back when, where and who was in each shot. I guess she thought she would be spending hours poring over the past and reliving those Kodak moments. Now they serve as the only way back for me to remember the family that seems all too distant.

My sense of humor is a mix of my mother’s and father’s both of them "cards" in their own right, but in very different ways. Dad was silly and goofy, slap sticky with a smidge of Stooges, and mother was the best of what dry; witty, smart, perfectly timed English humor is at its finest. She loved to read, and when I say read I mean everything, she consumed books like I eat potato chips. As a young woman she wanted to go to college and be a chemist, but didn't so her brothers could go because they would have to support families someday. Truly a waste since they never finished.

We planned to write children’s books together after I graduated from college and even finished one that I used in a creative writing class. Unfortunately she got sick the summer before my senior year and that dream got shelved. We all traveled that last year together, after I graduated, doing and seeing as much as we could. Packing in all the life as a family before we knew it would all disappear.

I try to think about what life would be like if she was still here. How different I might be or if I would have made other choices due to her influence? Where and who would I be if things hadn’t gone so terribly wrong? She was my best friend; the one person I know loved me just for me. Even with all my flaws and insecurities she never made me feel like I didn’t matter. Her pet names for me were, Missy or Princess, to unlikely words to describe the Brandy of today.

Being from the south nobody really went by their given names. My father went by Doc, my mother was Rea or Aunt Rea, my sister until puberty was Scooter, and I forever and always will be Brandy. None of which appear on our birth certificates. My parents even had nicknames for each other, Pooh Bear and Boo Boo Bear…which naturally just became Pooh and Boo. I think that’s why people without nicknames worry me. It’s almost like nobody cared about them enough to make them their own, to put a stamp of affection on your relationship is to me the highest form of flattery.

November 13th, 1939 (The year both Gone with the Wind and The Wizard of Oz premiered) my mother Mariea Gladys LaCone (m. Rowell) pushed her way into the world. I miss her every day, and on this day especially, so I try and do something we would have done together. Today is Sunday so I’m thinking Kayla and I will walk in the park. Go to our favorite hill, sit in the sun, have a good cry and maybe even say a little prayer. I’ll try to work in a favorite movie of ours or perhaps a show. She’s the one that introduced me to the theatre and supported my every endeavor in my pursuit of finding my light. My only regret is that she never got to see me perform.

Well, that’s not true, she saw me entertain at the dinner table, and when we were out with friends, but that’s not the same as standing alone on stage at Carolines in front of a packed house. She probably would have been so nervous for me that she wouldn’t have been able to watch. Wringing her hands until that first wave of laughter burst forth; yeah I would have liked her to have seen me shake my jelly.

She would be so proud of all the fears I’ve conquered, but frankly there are many more and while I know she’s watching out for me, I wish she was here. I wish I could remember her voice. I wish she could meet all the wonderful people I have in my life who are my family now.

She was the greatest birthday present I ever got and I’d trade anything to hear her call me Missy just one more time, I love you Mom, Happy Birthday!

What's in a name?

2011-10-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

As the lights came up for intermission on, We Live Here, a stout woman in full if not projecting voice exclaimed, "That was awful! What happened to Amy Irving, she used to be such a great actress?" The audience house right all giggled & winced but agreed whole heartedly. Frankly it’s NOT Amy Irving’s fault the blame lies with the playwright. It starts with the words and ends with the words and if the words are limp bastardizations of Chekov on a bad day then there is nothing you can really do as an actor to save the play.

Zoe Kazan tries feverishly to write a relationship play about a family we all just want to see burn at its own hand because it’s a bad Xerox copy of every other dysfunctional, privileged, over educated tribe with a secret. Only the secret is cheap and thin and would be better suited for an episode of Gossip Girl for it wouldn’t tarnish the Tony’s that reside in the lobby of MTC with its dirty little hands.

In all honesty I am not a fan of Zoe Kazan, so anything I write here might be construed as bias on the basis of that pure and true fact. Why? Because she has traded her career on the value of her name, Kazan, a value which was earned by her Grandfather Eli Zazan. Described by the New York Times as "one of the most honored and influential directors in Broadway and Hollywood history". That fact is undisputed and I am a huge fan of his work, his personal life and choices well that’s another matter entirely. Yet, those decisions and choices to name names isn’t the focus of what I am trying to say about the nepotism that runs rampant and free within the walls of the theatre community. I have friends who struggle with their anonymity as if it were a cancer attacking their immense talent and creativity. Just because they aren’t related to someone who knows someone their work may never see the light of day or get the chance to be explored and produced simply because no one will open a door or take a chance.

Conversely the name Zazan brings with it a golden key to roles on Broadway, to which people who went to Yale with her said of The Seagull, “she’s just doing what she did at school, stomping around & pouting.” Not to mention every time I tune into my favorite television shows there she is mocking me with her narrow choices and bobble head. Ok that was mean of me. Everyone should be able to do what they love, but this is where I draw the line, as a writer and someone who struggles’ everyday to be heard the fact that this play was produced to the gills enrages my soul.

The set was amazing, literally a place you would want to live in, and frankly could live in…the cast was peppered with some really talented people who at the curtain call in reception of what can generously be said was a “golf clap” could not hide their almost apologetic faces. “We know, we’re sorry, we’re doing the best that we can, please don’t throw anything at us,” subtitled dimly in their far away expressions.

The women of the play, to me, were just various over the top versions of Zoe herself. Dinah the youngest stomping around in a chunky heel repeating Mom, Dad, Mommy, Daddy over and over looking for approval & worried about the “stranger” she’s bringing to her sisters wedding; then Althea & Andromeda the Gemini twins to Zoe’s personality; Allie the misunderstood bride to be who thinks she’s dark and sexually complicated vs. Andy the genius musician of the family that loses herself in some unexplained pain that causes her suicide that Allie of course discovers. Finally Maggie the mother, who is just plain all over the place trying to keep it together with list making control issues who’s complete collapse at the end of the play is just wasted because none of us give a shit about these people. I’d have to share a bottle of wine with Robin Swicord to confirm this maternal similarity and wonder if she too is a yelling banshee of sorts.

Exhaustingly mediocre melodrama at best, I am now filled with hope, that Hamartia is truly only for people like the Zazan’s and that us regular folk simply live our lives with our disastrous consequences, but don’t describe it with a fancy name we learned at university, we just refer to it as “same shit different day”.

Shiny Happy People Rule!

2011-09-28T09:42:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday night I went out to Bklyn to play trivia with Richard, Ned & my new BFF's the Liz's. We kicked ass and beat the reigning champs Taint Misbehavin 74-56!! We were awarded raspberry chapstick, a $25 bar tab & two tickets to any up coming music event! Then after the Liz's went home in triumph the boys and I hopped into the Bell House's photo booth and took these snaps!!

We are silly aren't we? The three of us give those Hear No, See No, Speak No Evil monkeys a run for their money!!
OOOOO AAAAHHHH OOOOO!!!

Napping is Easier than Trying....

2011-09-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

I am inherently lazy. Over the past week or so I've had four or five people exclaim, "Why aren't you famous yet?" Good question. It's a myriad of reasons starting with the aforementioned proclivity to laze. I have NO ambition; I don't like competition, I'm afraid of the word "no", and believe that if invited to the "party" someone would surely say, "Who invited her?"

The only thing I am truly proud of is our little podcast that Marc and I seem to crank out with some regularity. So enjoy. This maybe as famous as I get……The Best of it Podcast - Starring Marc Teshic & Brandy Rowell

Conversations: Remembered

2011-09-08T12:16:00.000-07:00

Laura Beth Wells: Do you have 3D glasses?

Me: Yes.

Laura Beth Wells: I knew you'd have 3D glasses.

Me: Yes, but they're at work.

Laura Beth Well: Of course they are.

Correction!

2011-09-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

To previous post, Irene made a mess everywhere else but New York City. We were very lucky and I for one am very grateful. I spent a lot of years living in Fla. and hurricanes David took our porch roof off, Andrew made a mess of South Florida, & Hugo well we got days off from school because of his tantrums. So my heart & prayers are with everyone still recovering.

Stay strong & patient this too shall pass.

I'll huff & I'll puff....

2011-08-29T08:26:00.000-07:00

& I'll blow pretty hard in the outter boroughs, but really just some trees, power outages & flooding to be cleaned up in my wake. -Irene

While I am glad the 5 boroughs were ready for Irene I wish government could strike a happy medium between doing nothing during the blizzard and closing the city down for 3 days. Hurricanes aren't easy to predict, courses & intensity change etc...but really you would have thought it was going to rain fire balls and brimstone Sunday morning.

I am surely thankful that we were spared "Katrina" like ramifications but the 24hour non-stop coverage to keep telling us, "storms a brewing" was a little much. What happened to, "we interrupt this broadcast with an important news brief,"? Not to mention, that still in it's long history the Emergency Broadcast System has yet to turn on that annoying alarm to alert us of impending doom. They didn't even get to use it on 9/11 sooooo when do you use it?

As we all get back to normal, I hope you and yours were spared....as for me, Kayla & the treehouse Sunday morning 3 fire trucks pulled up to our door & we were overrun by NYC's bravest. Someone left a toaster oven on after popping their tarts. Irene left us unscathed, but the "stoners" on the third floor are trying to burn us alive. Sue & Chuck back to you.

Something delightfully wicked for the weekend...

2011-08-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

Let's just get good and dirty this weekend shall we. I stumbled upon this naughty nugget while reading Alan Cumming's blog....he participated in a charity event called Broadway Backwards where men sing songs normally sung by women and vice versa. Leave it to the divine Mr. Cumming to take aim at politicos and the closeted through a bit of Kander and Ebb!!

Genießen Sie meine Kinder!!!

Don't Tell Mama - Alan Cumming

Yoü and I vs. Brändy Rowëll

2011-08-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

In the space where Monster Dogs, Alexander McQueen & Guillermo del Toro meet lies the Narnia where Lady Gaga wanders…I’m sure there is an ice bridge somewhere from mine to hers…..now where did I leave the key to my wardrobe.

Yoü and I - Lady Gaga Video

ps-I had the umlauts first...just saying.

Lipton Takes The Plunge

2011-08-16T10:41:00.000-07:00

Since the 10th Anniversary season of Inside the Actors Studio I have noticed a change. Cosmetically a change of venue from the old New School's Tishman Auditorium in Greenwich Village to Michael Schimmel Center for the Arts at Pace University's New York City campus, but more importantly a change in content.

I am not saying that the professionals Mr. Lipton has on his program are not viable "teachers" in the craft. Ok….well yes I am saying that....you can't say that in Season #1 with Paul Newman, Sidney Lumet, Shelley Winters & Arthur Miller (to name a few) is the same caliber of professional as Sean Combs, Bradley Cooper & Jennifer Aniston? Bradley being the first "student" to be on the show was clearly a jump to boost matriculation. Sure they have all achieved success on a certain level but what I am trying to say is, "Mr. Lipton you couldn't find a theatre professional to interview?"

Mr. Lipton before Bravo became the trash can of reality wives & beauticians you used to book theatre actors, directors, writers etc....what happened? Or have you sold your soul to the incorporated arts as well? I make my case simply by quoting the man himself. During his interview with Jennifer Aniston, she would not cop to the "nudity" in her upcoming movie to which Mr. Lipton said, "Come on I'm trying to sell the film."

I thought Inside the Actors Studio was about sharing not selling. Sharing what it is to give your life to an art form through thick and thin, for scale or scab because without it you aren't totally you. Shame on you Mr. Lipton for turning your platform into just another media outlet trying to "sell" us tickets to movies that are riddled with crap snacks & poop cakes.

You should start thinking of what you are going to say when you meet God at the pearly gates. I heard she's a huge fan of Pinter, Ionesco & Brecht. I'm sure she is NOT amused.

Two weeks down.....a lifetime to go!!

2011-08-15T07:17:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago today my best friend got married & as they announced the wedding party at the reception my entrance music was the theme song from True Blood. Did I also mention it was the groom’s suggestion? Hahaha they know me so well….Happy Two Week Anniversary Kittens! lol!

Please Welcome the Maid of Honor....

Pillow Talk Solves Crimes....duh!

2011-08-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

On my “staycation” this week, home recovering from my epic maid of honor duties at the wedding of all weddings, (Kate & Wills can suck it) I was catching up on my DVR que of Rizzoli & Isles. Any producer or writer on that show that says they aren't purposely playing the lesbian card is a liar & a rogue. Jane flat out asks Maura if she wants to sleep with her and while Maura says, "no" the pregnant pause is long enough to steer the Titanic through.

Not the mention their mud bath fight, Jane's possessive verbal & physical response to Maura flirting with an auto mechanic and this promo tid bit Rizzoli & Isles so close & yet so far...lol.....Trust me I'm NOT complaining, just keep the innuendo & subtext coming, everyone knows catching bad guys is easiest when lying in bed with your "BFF". lol...ahhhh womance it's what's for television.

SPORTS

2011-07-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

Following sports on the regular is not something I do for fun. I like watching the occasional football game, tennis match or if it's the right year the Olympics.

I did however get caught up in the recent Woman's World Cup Soccer match Japan vs. USA. Watching them play was exhilarating and totally stressed me out. My nerves are jangled just living life in New York City everyday and if you then put them through a penalty shot shoot out well forget it, just send me to the home so I can drool into a cup.

It was a great match and if the USA was going to lose I'm glad it was to Japan because those poor people needed some good news. Something to hang on to as they rebuild & hopefully don't have babies with four arms & two heads, but if they do they would make really good goalies.

The US team in my opinion are rockstars, working together, passing that ball with magic feet I couldn't believe it. Frankly I blame the polls I swear I saw them move and deflect 6 of the 12 shots the girls took in the first half. lol. I also would like to tell Hope Solo, that A) you're name is awesome and as someone who went as Han Solo for 3 Halloweens in a row I can say I am truly jealous. haha. B) your thigh muscles haunt my dreams and C) if your not doing anything do you want to go to the Marine Corp Ball with me?

Ooooo wait, I guess I need to be in the Marines for that huh? Well it seemed to be working for everyone else who asked!

GO USA!! See you at the Olympics!!

March as in Jo!

2011-07-16T10:38:00.000-07:00

Every little girl reads Little Women. Every little girl however does not LIVE Little Women. Well except for me that is, you would think that my favorite version would be the one staring Kathryn Hepburn. Nope, mine is the 1949 MGM Classic starring June Allyson, Elizabeth Taylor, Janet Leigh and Margaret O'Brien. I can remember watching it one rainy afternoon with my Mother. Thinking sweet lord those dresses are enormous and thanking my lucky stars they weren't in fashion anymore.

I wouldn't have tea parties with my dolls and stuffed animals but instead pretended I was the new girl on the MGM lot going to the canteen to have lunch with the aforementioned ladies. I was a giant gay man even then, chattering about scripts, costumes, who had the smartest wigs and what a scoundrel Errol Flynn was after he had one too many.

June Allyson or Jo March was who I wanted to be. Even though Elizabeth Taylor did have the silliest lines and wore a clothes pin on her nose when she slept. I identified with Jo the independent writer who wasn't trapped by the hoop skirt she wore but only by the times in which she lived. She stages plays for Marmee & the neighbors and throws herself into the most awkward situations escaping them with scraped knees and aplomb to rival the Prince of Wales. I have nothing but love for these little women, it's Jane Austen I want to draw & quarter.

Little Women - Trailer 1949

Best song ever...

2011-07-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

This song, to me, is perfection. The lyrics speak on so many different levels & the way Brandi growls out the lyrics make my soul shudder. Sara Ramirez does a great diva cover of it too, but Brandi (even though she spells her name wrong, to each their own...lol) takes me on a journey through my past, present & future. It also doesn't hurt that the video is set in the theatre, which to me is the only place I see & feel the presences of God.

So when it all gets to be just to much I hit the reset button with this tune and remember that time passes, marks you, heals you and then in the end stops to set you free. All you can do is surround yourself with those you love to spend the ticks & the tocks with...now if I could just get the stories down on paper I'd be set.

The Story...by Brandi Carlile

Demonic Inspiration

2011-07-11T10:39:00.000-07:00

After feasting on the amazing, "Let Me In," and dozing through the third Twilight movie it occurred to me that Owen & Abbey's love make Bella & Edward look like they aren't even trying. So if you're checking your vampiric scoreboards kids it's Swedes 1 - Mormons 0.

As I sallied forth late last night after a double down birthday bash of Tiki drinks & bowling I was suddenly inspired to write a vampire tale. Here are the first few lines:

Maybe I had one too many hurricanes, but I could swear I saw a vampire leaning against the giant door of the Immaculate Conception Church. Or was he just out and about for a little ding dong dash? Either way my eye turned away for just a second as the sound of vomit spewing from Allison's usually picture perfect mouth hit the pavement. Trudie grabbed her hair and I looked back only to find he was gone.....or did he go inside?

To be continued....

Pretty, pretty please...

2011-07-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

You see a lot of crazy things in this city of what lately seems like 13million and not the rumored 8. Last night I had a wonderful dinner out with my boss and her boyfriend. Upon returning to my treehouse, I hopped up the one step to my landing, brandished my keys and then looked right as if to check my rear view mirror and saw these:

As I was greeting Kayla who was full of love and doing her happy mommy's home dance; when this suddenly popped into my mind and immediately became my Facebook Status: "There are please don't leave me lilies in my lobby. Too bad they're not for me."

The girl that lives in the apartment I've seen a handful of times. An attractive, young Asian girl, I say girl because she looks all of about 23, but is probably older. I've deduced that she is an attorney and I have seen a rather muscular & dashing boy with her on occasion.

Clearly he's in trouble.

Top Ten Saddest Things

2011-07-03T12:07:00.000-07:00

This is probably number 8 in the top ten list of boo-hoos.

A dear friend is doing some fundraising for a environmental program at the school where she teaches, if you are so inclined check it out. GREEN APPLE KIDS. The Green Apple Kids will change the world, or at least keep us from completely destroying it.

In my faux Jew fashion I doubled down on the magic number 18 and gave them $36 for worms, trowels or whatever green thumb things they might need. When I noticed that I could include either an In honor of or In memory of notation on the gift. Now this made me very excited because I am usually acknowledging such requests in my Jewbical so to put the shoe on the other foot made me squeal with glee.

It immediately came to me what I should write. In memory of my Mother who loved her worms before they were cool. Mom in her truest form was a southern lady who loved to grow things. Digging in the yard for hours in her wide brimmed hat with gloves and a water bottle happy as a clam to be elbow deep in mulch and manure.

This is one thing I DID NOT inherit. Even at an early age I loved being surrounded by nature, but under no circumstances did I want nature to be on me. There's a great picture of me somewhere in a diaper and cowboy boots wailing with my hands in the air because they were dirty. Even then I preferred to be poolside with a snack shack at the ready.

As I was imputing the IMO, I could attach it to an e-card. Ooooo fun I picked out a beautiful picture and typed in the text, but then I realized there was no one to send it to. The only people that would have cared aren't here anymore. I thought about changing it, but I didn't I just sent it to myself.

What I know more than anything is that it's not the tangible acknowledgement of someone knowing you are thinking about them, but that you think and act as if they are still with you. It's what they would want, to be alive in me in every small thing I do or say. So mother, here's to your worms, I hope you have a sunny patch somewhere to make beautiful things grow.

Save me some tomatoes!!

xoxox-Princess

Name Change!

2011-06-30T10:42:00.000-07:00

You are now reading the witty banter

of the: URBAN GIRDLE

I am retiring, "The ramblings of a semi-sober mind...." and changing my blog title to URBAN GIRDLE! Every city girl need to be trussed up and put together to survive out here in the wilds of Manhattan and Urban Girdle is here to help!

Sandy, Sexy Visions Fluttering by...

2011-06-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

On occasion I see in my minds eye the video of a song that grips my imagination. My current obsession is Lady Gaga's, "Americano". AMERICANO - Lady Gaga She describes the record as "a big mariachi techno-house record, where I am singing about immigration law and gay marriage and all sorts of things that have to do with disenfranchised communities in America".

As a kid I was mesmerized by old movies a gift from my mother and the lazy Sunday afternoon. This song immediately brought back in glorious Technicolor Tyrone Power & Rita Hayworth in Blood & Sand. While bull fighting is not something I support in anyway, it is one of those dangerous taboo's that is fraught with sexual tension. Between man and beast, between the matador and the crowd, so I see this updated love story playing out on the sands of some dusty forgotten arena. The costuming alone is making me quiver with excitement & possibility which is odd considering I only shop at Old Navy. I also think Eva Mendes should play Lady Gaga’s love interest, “I met a girl in east LA, In floral shorts as sweet as May, She sang in eights in two-bar chords, We fell in love, but not in court”.

So I'm just putting it out there...as part of my video wish list.
I’m also available for consultation on tracks 6 & 7.

88 Keys & Whiskey

2011-06-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

I regret it. She told me I would someday, and now I do.

The only keys I play for 8hours a day begin with QWERTY and end with a ? Which is all I seem to be able to do lately is ask the question over and over how did I get here? A poet clown masquerading as a glorified secretary in a world which she has no real place.

But this song in particular makes me wish that I had taken those piano lessons on my Daddy's upright, but foolishly I couldn't be bothered. I mean in my defense I do have hobbit hands that lack the required digital extension to really lay it down on a Steinway.

So it's just me clicking away the hours in excel instead of banging out a tune drenched in Jack or Jim....ok I'm still drenched in Jack or Jim I'm just not sitting at a piano.....You & I

"You taste like whiskey when you kiss me owww, I’ll give up anything again to be your baby doll."

A Public Institution

2011-06-14T10:15:00.000-07:00

Getting free tickets to Shakespeare in the Park is one of the reasons I heart New York. A cool June evening under the stars with a dear friend (Ned Noyes) and the words of the Bard mixing with the nightingales, jet engines, barking dogs, & drunk ultimate Frisbee players rejoicing in their ultimate attempts at gravity make it an experience NOT to be missed.

However last night, Measure for Measure was on the bill. Ned and I tried to recall the synopsis of the story but couldn't quite remember who was going to do what to whom? Fornication is the trial by fire in which all the characters must fall beneath or rise above. The opening was quite titillating with leather clad, anatomically correct devils making their way to a bed that was rising from the floor. Pulling back the sheet to reveal an orgy of some degree I turned to Ned and said, "OOOO fun it's like a Lady Gaga video." I was sssshed immediately by an acutely aware geriatric.

Unfortunately that was the highlight of this contradictory tale of unlikable characters who vacillate from one side of the moral compass to the other while not making a rational decision about anything in their lives. No wonder it's considered one of Shakespeare's "problem" plays. There's no focus and it never gets tragic enough or funny enough to make you care enough.

Ned and I waited for our leather Lucifers to return and make a scene, but they didn't. They didn't even show up for the curtain call. Probably had a hot session at the Cock scheduled and needed to bolt early. Wish I had…because sitting behind us were the "Deliverance Twins" seriously, pot bellied hill people with really bad teeth who burped and slurped at food? Maybe? I'm not sure, I couldn't bear to turn and see what they were consuming, possibly that missing girl from Westchester?

All I know is that my mother's voice was ringing in my ears, "Don't they teach children to chew with their mouths closed anymore?" Every suckle and wisp of air that was inhaled through the enameled, unbridled stalactites that posed as teeth wore on my sanity. It was only after we adjourned to the restroom that I thought of the perfect thing to say, “Sir! Dare I say you suck upon your teeth as if they were a maid but by my troth it stands in reason that your lips have known NO maid in any season!"

Hopefully, if I manage to get tickets to All’s Well That Ends Well, it will do just that END WELL.

My biggest problem....

2011-06-03T07:23:00.000-07:00

Kindness and generosity.

I actually think when I display these qualities that they will be returned. That's my problem. I need to remember to do them just for me. The people I show these attributes to will in most cases take advantage and run into the night with my hot nuggets of love, understanding and compassion with them like schwag from an event.

As if in some way they are entitled to it, "sure I deserve it, it was free after all" and it should be free, but I seem to log it away in some account book as a debt to be repaid. Downfall!! The bigger picture is that those random acts of kindness are really for me because something in me wanted to do it. I wanted to express some charity to someone in my life. The end. Let it go, and enjoy the feeling of being kind.

I take things way to personally and just need to be for myself. Wow! Oprah has only been gone a few days and my Deepak Chopra seems to be backing up. Is there a cleanse for that? Well, that's one to grow on, work on and hopefully change in my journey so if you see me tallying up a bill say, "remember this one's on you."

March of the Remakes

2011-06-02T08:37:00.000-07:00

It continues....the pursuit of Hollywood to remake every movie I ever loved as a child. Fright Night a classic from the '80s now recreated staring Colin Farrell as the blood thirsty neighbor from hell. Even though I love David Tennant & Anton Yelchin they really can't hold a candle to the vampire vanquishing duo of Roddy McDowell & William Ragsdale (who's now on Justified!) not to mention Amanda Bearse who was still straight back then!! Oh is nothing sacred? Even the undead?

The twenty-tens have glossed over the jagged torn cartoonish edges of young death and destruction as illustrated by how different the movie posters are:

Now with the sleek sexiness of Twilight invading all things unholy & eternal we will surely not be treated to oversized vampiric mouths or gallons of gooey mystery gak. It's too bad, from the original I learned how important it is NOT to invite just anyone into your home. I'm sure it's saved me from an unwanted bite or two, plus really if you watch the trailer there doesn't seem to be a need to see the movie at all, thanks for saving to $14.50 Dreamworks SKG.

Fright Night 2011

The Cop, the Medical Examiner & Everything in Between

2011-06-01T09:58:00.000-07:00

For some strange reason I am getting a lot of Cagney and Lacey energy from the internet this week. First yesterday's amazing photo of Tyne Daly as Maria Callas in Master Class at MTC. Then this popped up from Rosie O'Donnell's Instagram twitter photo feed.....of the original crime fighting broads hanging....somewhere near Rosie. lol.

Last night after a long day at the mines I caught a Law & Order SUV Marathon that just made me want the Rizzoli & Isles season two premiere to be tonight and not Monday, July 11. I might not make it. I miss my sassy crime stopping non-lesbian lesbians. Almost as much as Mary Beth & Christine.

2011-05-31T13:46:00.000-07:00

Lacey is that you?

xoxox,

Cagney

Master Class

All time favorite things ever Friday!

2011-05-27T10:49:00.000-07:00

CALVIN & HOBBES 2.0

Here's the genesis...from pantsareoverrated.com

"Calvin’s daughter, Bacon meets Hobbes for the first time. Calvin and Hobbes is basically the best thing ever, it’s one of my most prominent influences. So, after seeing some of the fan art that was out there of what Calvin would be like when he was an adult, I thought that it would be cool to flesh it out more. So, this is me trying to be as faithful to the source material as I could – of course, I’m no Watterson, but I think I did ok. As for why someone would name their daughter Bacon? Well, my niece acquired the nickname Bacon over the years, and Francis Bacon was another old philosopher along with Calvin and Hobbes, so it seemed like a good name – plus, if anyone would name his daughter Bacon, it would be Calvin."

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! pantsareoverrated.com you guys rock and made me remember how much I love Calvin & Hobbes!! Here's the link to strip.

http://www.pantsareoverrated.com/05_10_2011/hobbes-and-bacon

Words to live & work by...Circa 1945

2011-05-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

Just passing this along to any of you that read my ramblings. Totally inspired and committed to living up to being the best theatre whore I can be!!! Kick ball change bitches!! xoxo

A 1945 Code of Ethics for Theatre Workers Surfaces
News by Janet Thielke | August 11, 2009

While appearing on Broadway in her Tony-nominated role of Jeanette in The Full Monty in August, 2001, Equity member Kathleen Freeman died of lung cancer. Equity Councillor Jane A. Johnston, a longtime friend and executrix for Ms. Freeman’s estate, later discovered among Ms. Freeman’s papers a document containing A Code of Ethics for Theatre Workers. Ms. Freeman was a daughter of a small time vaudevillian team. Her childhood experience of touring with her parents inspired this Code of Ethics, Ms. Johnston writes. She also notes: “What is particularly interesting about this list of dos and don’ts for the theatre is that it was written in 1945 when Kathleen was establishing one of the first small theatres in Los Angeles and she was 24 years old. I wish I had been told some of ‘the rules’ when I was a young actress instead of having to pick them up as I went along.”
The theatre was the Circle Players (with Charlie Chaplin among its backers), which later evolved into the Players’ Ring. Although there is no record that either company used an Equity contract (they certainly pre-dated the 99-Seat Code in Los Angeles), Ms. Johnston confirms that all the participants were professionals.

Foreword to the Code
“A part of the great tradition of the theatre is the code of ethics which belong to every worker in the theatre. This code is not a superstition, nor a dogma, nor a ritual which is enforced by tribunals; it is an attitude toward your vocation, your fellow workers, your audiences and yourself. It is a kind of self-discipline which does not rob you of your invaluable individualism.
“Those of you who have been in show business know the full connotation of these precepts. Those of you who are new to show business will soon learn. The Circle Players, since its founding in 1945, has always striven to stand for the finest in theatre, and it will continue to do so. Therefore, it is with the sincere purpose of continued dedication to the great traditions of the theatre that these items are here presented.”

The “rules” follow:

1. I shall never miss a performance.
2. I shall play every performance with energy, enthusiasm and to the best of my ability regardless of size of audience, personal illness, bad weather, accident, or even death in my family.
3. I shall forego all social activities which interfere with rehearsals or any other scheduled work at the theatre, and I shall always be on time.
4. I shall never make a curtain late by my failure to be ready on time.
5. I shall never miss an entrance.
6. I shall never leave the theatre building or the stage area until I have completed my performance, unless I am specifically excused by the stage manager; curtain calls are a part of the show.
7. I shall not let the comments of friends, relatives or critics change any phase of my work without proper consultation; I shall not change lines, business, lights, properties, settings or costumes or any phase of the production without consultation with and permission of my director or producer or their agents, and I shall inform all people concerned.
8. I shall forego the gratification of my ego for the demands of the play.
9. I shall remember my business is to create illusion; therefore, I shall not break the illusion by appearing in costume and makeup off-stage or outside the theatre.
10. I shall accept my director’s and producer’s advice and counsel in the spirit in which it is given, for they can see the production as a whole and my work from the front.
11. I shall never “put on an act” while viewing other artists’ work as a member of an audience, nor shall I make caustic criticism from jealousy or for the sake of being smart.
12. I shall respect the play and the playwright and, remembering that “a work of art is not a work of art until it is finished,” I shall not condemn a play while it is in rehearsal.
13. I shall not spread rumor or gossip which is malicious and tends to reflect discredit on my show, the theatre, or any personnel connected with them-either to people inside or outside the group.
14. Since I respect the theatre in which I work, I shall do my best to keep it looking clean, orderly and attractive regardless of whether I am specifically assigned to such work or not.
15. I shall handle stage properties and costumes with care for I know they are part of the tools of my trade and are a vital part of the physical production.
16. I shall follow rules of courtesy, deportment and common decency applicable in all walks of life (and especially in a business in close contact with the public) when I am in the theatre, and I shall observe the rules and regulations of any specific theatre where I work.
17. I shall never lose my enthusiasm for theatre because of disappointments.
In addition, the document continued:
“I understand that membership in the Circle Theatre entitles me to the privilege of working, when I am so assigned, in any of the phases of a production, including: props, lights, sound, construction, house management, box office, publicity and stage managing-as well as acting. I realize it is possible I may not be cast in a part for many months, but I will not allow this to dampen my enthusiasm or desire to work, since I realize without my willingness to do all other phases of theatre work, there would be no theatre for me to act in.”
All members of the Circle Theatre were required to sign this document. And they must have-because the theatre, and the group into which it evolved, was successful for many years.

14,600 give or take a day....

2011-05-20T08:14:00.000-07:00

Things that are 40.....

NPR
Starbucks
Masterpiece Theatre
Bumbershoot: Seattle's Music & Arts Festival
Amtrack
Disney World
and me....this is my list so far.

I am in really distinguished company. This new decade feels less like the end of the road and more like the beginning of the ride. If I hold up as half as well as my counterparts the next 40 are going to rock!

Of course at my birthday party as I was telling everyone I was excited to start a new decade my friends were like, "you are going to love your 30's". I was like I did all 10 of them....shock and awe stared back at me in their nubile faces and as long as that is the response I will wave my 40 freak flag high!!If you think you're timeless you are TIMELESS and moisturizer twice a day doesn't hurt either!!!

Viva la living!!!

Going to the Chapel!

2011-05-19T08:22:00.000-07:00

Is it me or are the number of wedding pictures on Facebook blowing up!!! 'Tis the season I guess for people to wear funny traditional clothing, stand up before the deity of their choice with friends and family and say I dig this human and only this human so help me god, forever and ever amen.

As for me I'm NOT a fan. Marriage is like a stogy old aunt that reeks of Bengay and mothballs. She serves no practical purpose because no one likes her ambrosia salad and really her inclusion in family functions is just a formality of etiquette to keep your kids from being called bastards.

As a "gay" & a bastard I wouldn't want to get married if I could. Sure I'd throw a big party and say, "you see that lady, she's with me." But I am not about to clamp a ring on her finger and sign a deed to her heart that makes the county a few bucks and some venue a bundle of my money for dried out chicken and watered down gin.

That being said, I am OVAH THE MOON thrilled to be the Maid of Honor in my best friends wedding. The MOH gets to do all the fun stuff and as she sends to bride off to her shackles she kicks up her heels and finds her way to the bar with some frisky female, at least that's the plan. Plus I don't even have to wear some god awful dress. The bridesmaids get to pick want they want within a color scheme!! Yee freaking haw!! So much better than some bright pink body bag with a bow!

Like I said some people are the marrying kind, and I wish them all the bliss they can handle even though the chips are stacked against them statistically. This silly monkey likes her autonomy way too much and needs room to shake her jelly at will when she wants and where she wants.

I live under a simple rule of thumb, if you wanna go, GO! if you wanna stay, STAY! Don't be in a marriage with me because a piece of paper and the hassle of divorce keeps you trapped by my side...ugh. Really, be a grown up, it's not 1857, keeping your word is good enough for me. God & the government might need more, but I don't.

Mabberfrabbits!

2011-05-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

James Lipton will ask me someday what is my favorite curse word and it will be, "mabberfrabbits!"

As a child Bugs Bunny ruled my imagination and as I got older I realized that "mabberfrabbits" was the way Yosemite Sam said, "motherf*cker" to 8 year olds.

And that's one to grow on folks!
(insert stuttering pig here)

Rocking Nuptial Fairies!

2011-05-16T08:43:00.000-07:00

As I sat in the Kips Bay Movie complex I thought to myself, "never again, just like the holocaust." I will never again GO to the movies. People are awful, seriously awful with their outside voices and rude self serving attitudes. Finding a seat has become as brutal as the Tet Offensive and frankly if arms were allowed I say thin the herd. Most of these patrons need a good bayonet to the rib cage to school them in the fine art of courtesy and decorum, that clearly they lacked learning on the playground. Coupled with the ads for bed bug prevention everywhere makes for an evening of being annoyed by the seen and unseen.

However, Bridesmaids was totally worth running the gauntly of chattering strangers & the impending threat of being infested with the urban hitch-hikers that have all New Yorkers questioning to sit or not to sit. This movie is literally a scream. As in I screamed with laughter as Kristen Wiig and company made their way to the alter. It was clear when and where Mr. Apatow inserted his "gross" out scenes and they served their purpose to insight laughter & quiet communal prayers of, “please dear lord don’t ever let that happen to me,” ultimately they really only dumb down the smart, witty women parading across the screen, but I guess we have to give the boys something to snicker at…

2nd only to the God of Thunder the Maids pulled in $24.5 million dollars this weekend!! Woo-Hoo!! Hopefully Hollywood will continue to green light female driven comedies because they are not only bright, smart, insightful and break the mold but they also make money!! Of course saying this I already know that there will be a scurry to put unfunny, female driven comedies into the market place as quickly as possible. May their failure not bog down the comedy cream that will surely rise to the top. Keep it coming Kristen & Annie!!

Street Spirits!

2011-05-10T08:22:00.000-07:00

As I walked my four legged daughter across the street to the corner of 1st Ave & 55th on her evening constitutional I saw what looked like Meryl Streep in Cherry Jones' Sister Aloysius Beauvier costume from Doubt. She had a walker, you know the kind with wheels & seat for an emergency respite, she was pushing it slowly ahead of her as she emerged from the Tudor style apartment building.

I turned away to see what Kayla was rooting around in as a rouse to avoid eye contact with a nun. Twelve years of Catholic School has left its scars in places I try not to think about. When I turned back hoping that the frail black bonneted figure had past there she was staring me in the face.

"What a beautiful dog. What’s his name? “Her name is Kayla.” “That’s an Alaskan name isn’t it? I came across it the other day while reading.” “Yes,” I said, “Originally it probably was Alaskan.” “Did you name her?” “Yes,” which was a lie, my sister did, but here I am lying to a “nun” in less than two minutes of meeting her, some things don’t change!

“Is it ok to pet her?" She rolled back her dark cloak to reveal a pale white hand trellised with veins. "Sure of course," I said, Kayla now sniffing at the woman with great interest. "How old is he?" "She's 10 and a very good girl." As she looked into my face I noticed that her skin wasn't wrinkled, or marred with age spots. Her kind eyes set deep within her skull made me think she might have been sick with the cancer yet her eyes sparkled in defiance.

"My, my 10 years old really, well you can tell she is well loved and taken care of," I giggled with agreement thinking only about the previously lie and wondered what other amazing BS would come out of my mouth. "That's all any of us need really, to be loved." My first instinct was to say, "I hope you have received your fair share." Only I thought that was too cheeky a response for my mysterious friend and defaulted to just, "Oh, she is indeed well loved."

We smiled at each other and she said, "Well thank you," and I replied "Thank you too sweetheart, have a nice night."

I turned took 3 or 4 steps and then wanted one last glimpse of my clearly eccentric & possibly cleric neighbor only she wasn't there.....

We were in the middle of the block and with her walker there is NO way she could have made it to the corner and disappeared in those brief moments that it took for me to move a few feet.

So my fellow New Yorkers, this is number two in my spiritual encounters on the streets of Manhattan. The first being a kindly old man in a fedora and trench coat who thanked me for being a good citizen because I was picking up Kayla’s poop. He too like a spring breeze brushed my mortal coil and then poof was gone like the wind!

Sleep No More......I might just not.

2011-04-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

It was a dark and stormy night, well not really it was clear, and cool as we stood in line to check into the McKittrick Hotel. Eager and ready to submit to whatever lay beyond the giant black double doors. We were greeted by the staff who made sure we had already purchased tickets and stamped our hands if we were planning to drink at the bar. A absentminded formality at best, we inched closer and my heart already beating as if I had downed 4 cups of coffee jumped up a beat or two.............we were next.

We passed into a dark hallway and stopped briefly at coat check, you are not allowed to have anything but your wits when in residence at the hotel. A stones throw away two lovely ladies checked us in and handed us each a playing card. We stumbled upstairs and into a cacophony of music & maze. There was NO light and we felt our way through the first of many labyrinths. Emerging into a small sitting room and just beyond that through a slight curtain the noise and smoke of a 1930's bar, I half expected Sally Bowles to appear and sing a number swaddled in her "best" fur.

I made a quick stop into the ladies because the sensory shock and awe took a toll on my nerves. I collected myself in the safety of my stall, repeating over and over that I would be fine, it's a show, you will be safe, Ned promised, or did he I couldn't remember.

The "French" host was making periodic announcements as we sipped our gin sours, "Would guests with card numbers Ace through 4 please follow Andre into the next room." We all had 6's or 7's on our cards and even when they called for the sixes we hesitated to be separated so quickly. So we waited for our sevens to be called and we all made our way into the mask room. A beautiful Afro-Brit was waiting for us, "Darlings how lovely you all are, do come in and take a mask, quickly loves, come closer I won't bite, much anyway. Darlings hurry now mustn't keep Charles waiting." We all crammed into this small room put on our masks and once she was happy with our state she laid down the law.

"Darlings you mustn't speak, not a word, not to each other or use your silly cell phones, also no pictures darlings. Please this is all we ask, if you need assistance there are stewards on each floor wearing black masks to help you. Don't be afraid darlings you will have a wonderful stay and if you get tired please do come back down and have a drink with me, I get awfully lonely." She then turned and knocked on the giant door and muttered something there was a brief pause and the door slide open to reveal an elevator. We all herded in like cattle. The four of us were at what was now the front of the car and "Charles" spoke, “Welcome to the McKittrick Hotel. You all look lovely, here at the hotel anonymity is of the utmost importance so do keep your masks on at all times.” He pressed the 5th floor button and we began to ascend. His witty banter just became back ground to the thumping in my chest. I thought dear god don't have an asthma attack now. The elevator door opened and Charles said, "Fortune Favors the Bold," and the first passenger exited the car. Then in a flash Charles closed the door and we all chuckled that to be first meant to be alone. We went down to the 4th floor and as we exited Charles said, "Enjoy, explore and be brave." We filed out and like a pack followed each other into the first dead end. This whole experience was a great study in human behavior how as a species we are inclined to either stay together for safety or go on our own ways.

That was the last time the four of us were together, we lost each other almost instantly and that my gentle reader is the point. I noticed couples staying together, holding hands even, bore snore. Cowards I say! You are wearing a mask and are surrounded with a maze of infinite possibilities have your OWN journey, find your OWN way. Instinctively, the four of us are those people and in the end were so much better for it.

It took awhile to find my way onto other floors, but once I did at every turn is something more shocking and amazing. They encourage curiosity, you may pick things up and look through papers and books etc. If you cross a line or stumble somewhere forbidden there is a steward there to wag a finger, no-no, or stop you from entering. I got told no a lot. My inner Velma (a’la Scooby Doo) was in overdrive, I hadn't felt this rush of adventure since exploring the catacombs just outside Paris. Only this time I was alone and didn't have my Le Dollar flashlight.

You encounter the players/dancers as random as they encounter you. Some people chose to latch onto characters and follow them through out the night. The "Mackers" as I called them were the most annoying. Macbeth had a posse that would humble even the biggest egocentric celebutante. I would watch those scenes with the mob for a bit but then would go off in the opposite direction surely to see or find something no one else would. It paid off in spades even thought I had been give the 6 of clubs as my ticket.

The exploring on your own was full of liberation, especially when you find yourself facing a dark and narrow hallway. You think, do I dare, what could be down there? That's when Charles' voice would ring back to me, "Fortune Favors the Bold," and to my surprise I would go down the rabbit hole. Some of them rewarding, some of them curious or some merely dead ends. Yet every time I felt braver, smarter, piecing clues together and discovering bits of story gleaned from Macbeth or the classic Hitchcock thriller Rebecca which I recommend watching and reviewing to help you figure out who is who.

The performers themselves do not speak. They dance, fight, make love, murder, rape, lip-sync, if they do speak it's guttural or reactionary sounds. Brief moments of "conversation" are not said for you to hear or even understand if you are not close enough. However, there are one on ones. A performer may take you by the hand lead you into another room & close the door. They might dance with you or tell you personally a bit of story or verse or just plan scare the bejesus out of you. One of my friends witness a performer take someone into an asylum room slam the door and then a light appeared beneath it. What happened? No one knows but that audience member. Yet the effect rippled through everyone watching.

The watching is in itself something to observe, which seems redundant but you are part of the show. We all look the "same" the mask becomes the fourth wall. It frees you and the performers, and when you step back from yourself, and see the others this macabre Greek wordless chorus is profoundly chilling in an Eyes Wide Shut way. My stomach began to rumble with more nerves and I luckily found respite in a water closet on the asylum floor. I took off my mask and splashed my face with cool water. Took a moment to process all that was happening, how I felt, how this was affecting me. In true 2011 fashion I updated my facebook status quite shocked that I could get a single so deep within this alternate matrix. "They are gonna have to drag me outta here. I never want to leave." I wrote & sent into the interweb. It's true I could have stayed for 8 hours, 10, 12....I feel like I just scraped the surface of a theatrical animal that has me in its spell.

So much of my life I've lived in fear, so much lost over it, but something happened to me last night. Something intense as I stumbled in the dark surrounded by the unknown; fortune really does favor the bold. I will never be timid and feeble again after last night. Thank you company members of Punchdrunk for blowing my mind and changing my idea of what can be told without words. What theatre can & should be is a shared experience and that's just want happened, at the stroke of 2a.m. the final scene had played which I was lucky enough to be dead front & center for...the stewards masterfully herded us all back to the '30s bar where the band and singer were rocking it speakeasy style. I turned on my phone and sent a txt to the gang, "I'm in the bar over behind the piano." I had found a little nook with some seats and then seconds after I hit send there was Ned, then Meredith and finally Richard. We all just looked at each other before starting the recant of our journeys to say a collective. Wow.

At first it was loud and packed and getting to the bar was impossible but the beautiful Afro-Brit appeared with drinks, "Darlings, would you care for a refreshment?" We hungrily handed her our money and sipped the sweet nectar as we began piecing our stories together. Filling in blanks for some and revealing new information to others. As the crowd thinned we moved to a more comfortable table and sat down with the two girls already resting there....as we regaled ourselves with our experiences one of the girls said, "What was the scariest thing you saw," which launched the six of us into the deepest conversation about the event. The blond had a one on one that gave me goose bumps and Ned was able to help her understand what the nurse had tried to tell her in relation to the story. Magic, all of it shear and utter magic to share with strangers and "help" each other see the big picture which is never, ever the same.

So go, beg, borrow, steal; if you are up for a night “out of the box”, an evening of mental surrender & self discovery you do not want to miss this romp back in time. My one suggestion to the geniuses at Punchdrunk is you should ask everyone before entering to name 4 characters from Macbeth; if they can't refund their money. This is not a place to have a bachelorette party or take your buddies for an evening out. The buffoonery from some was a bit much and their antics were disrespectful to the performers and to the other members of the audience. It was the same shameful chicanery that tourist reveal themselves before her majesties royal guard trying to get them to flinch. Simpletons let me inform you that these creatures are of a higher ilk. You will not break them from their duties at the hotel, they are professionals there to serve and reveal layers you can't find on the Jersey Shore so be gone or behave.

LIVIN LIVE!

2011-04-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

After a brief hiatus I am hitching up my blogging boots and cracking those keys again! I've done my taxes and have all three major events on simmer at work so hopefully I will have a moment or two to wax rhapsodic over things that are too big for a status update.

Biggest thing in the Brandy with a Y news feed is that Marc and I have relaunched our podcast THE BEST OF IT PODCAST which has been accepted on iTunes. It feels better than my first communion or holy confirmation. I didn't need acceptance from the lord what I needed was approval from Steve Jobs!! I finally feel like I have done SOMETHING with my life and gosh darn it iTunes likes me they really like me.

So download us at the iTunes Store (we be free) or on our Facebook page.

We kick it off with the amazing Jeni Aron as our first guest...she had such a blast I received this email yesterday from Jeni:

Listening to the podcast again. SO FUNNY and so much FUN. Invite me back immediately. Please. Thank you.
xoxo

No thank you pretty lady!!! More later taters!! Mwah

Pausing over Paws

2011-03-09T12:36:00.000-08:00

Dear Lady Gaga,

My paws have been up for sometime now that I've lost feeling in them. When can I put them down?

Or is that the point that my paws are always up, always vigilant against the forces of evil. Like the drones at Target. Never mind I answered my own question. xoxox

Your little monster,
Brandy with a Y

March

2011-03-03T09:01:00.000-08:00

It either comes in like a lion or out like a lamb. Mine arrives as Yosemite Sam....this verbage is frequently found in my Jew Cube and on crowded New York City streets. What am I saying all New York streets are crowded.

The winding road....

2011-02-28T11:17:00.000-08:00

What a long strange trip it has been, but I can tell you all there is NOTHING better than seeing a dear friend blossom into the performer you knew them to be all along. Here are some amazing words about my sister from another mister, Laura Beth Wells, from her co-star Patrick Page (aka The Green Goblin) via Playbill.com:

Tom Nondorf:
I enjoy the moments of humanity that you bring to Norman, like when you're doing a little waltz with Laura Beth Wells. You both seem kind of lost in each other. If there's any moment that we can look back at and feel the pain that Norman later feels, that's it.

Patrick Page:
Oh, absolutely. That's a real key moment. That's a moment that's gone through all kinds of evolutions as we've done the show that we've really wanted to hold onto. In a way, what I was talking about with a musical, you've got very little time to communicate an enormous amount. So, having them there together looking into each other's eyes hopefully tells the audience a lot about what they mean to each other. That's exactly the kind of thing that I love doing. I love working with Laura Beth. It's so funny, she's been in the business for a long time, and she's this extraordinary actress and singer. This is her first Broadway show. When she first came to the city, she was ushering in The Lion King at the New Amsterdam Theatre. She's really come all that way, and I love being with someone who not only is so gifted and so giving on stage, but who really understands how blessed we are to be doing this for a living.

Catch her on The Late Show with David Letterman on March 1st shaking that deserving Broadway jelly with her Spidey-Mates!!

Birth Month!

2011-02-25T06:45:00.000-08:00

As my birth month is quickly coming to an end, lord how it just flies by, I would like to address the idea of unlucky 13.

Born on the 13th of February I have never found the numeral to be cursed or scary. In fact a ton of amazing things have happened on that day.

Rent first opened Feb. 13, 1996, at New York Theatre Workshop.

Israel bought the Dead Sea Scrolls on 13th February, 1955 from the Syrians for $250,000. What a deal!

A four-passenger Thunderbird was made by the Ford Company 13th February, 1958; they don't make cars like that anymore.

Stockard Channing was born 13-Feb-1944, I have had dreams she plays my mom in a play someday.

Tennessee Ernie Ford the Country Musician, 13-Feb-1919, Ernie we are all one day older and deeper in debt.

David Naughton 13-Feb-1951 Actor, An American Werewolf in London, the original hottie werewolf....arrroooo!

Henry Rollins crazy amazing talker & musician 13-Feb-1961, aka my brother from another mother!!

Mena Suvari 13-Feb-1979 wow NOT so much older than her than I thought!!

Robbie Williams 13-Feb-1974 well we had to get a little more glitter on the team!

Grant Wood Painter 13-Feb-1892 famous for American Gothic

Chuck Yeager Aviator 13-Feb-1923 Test pilot, first to break speed of sound...speedy!

Not to say that there weren't awful things that happened on the 13th but for me I have always found luck in being the odd one out. Somehow it's infamy makes me feel special, as if that star on that day singles out my defiance of what the world feels is strange or unusual. People are wary of it and I kinda like it. So beware the tribe of the "Tredici" is out there walking under ladders and crossing your path.

A long time in the manifesting, but....

2011-02-23T06:48:00.000-08:00

After the Oscars I am taking that soul sucking, DVR'ing, must watch everything and stop living machine back to Mt. Doom and throwing it into the Time Warner money pit from which it sprang.

Then after some lembas bread I'm starting my $8 a month Netflix que.....EEEEEEE! So excited the shire will be at peace at last.

I Hate Valentine's Day

2011-02-11T06:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Nia Vardalos & John Corbett,

Please stop making movies together. You are NOT the Tracy & Hepburn of new Hollywood. My Big Fat Greek Wedding while one of my favorite movies was a fluke, a unicorn that bolted forth out of the cinematic dust bowl that was the summer of 2002.

Nia, don't get me wrong I am rooting for you sweetheart, I have seen every movie you've made since that $200 million dollar summer. I even bought the sound track to Connie & Carla because I am a big fat gay man. And while some of the principles you touch on in "I Hate Valentine's Day" are right on the money, in this single girl's opinion, the rest is just couched in cliché after cliché.

I think the magic of My Big Fat Greek Wedding is while the story is a timeless one you managed to re-invent the packaging; made it fresh with your own perspective on heritage that had never really been seen on film since "Zorba the Greek".

Girl I like you, because you remind me of me, but I have noticed you've "thinned" out a bit since 2002, husband included! Don't think I don't see you working him into your projects, love it by the by!! I believe in the trickle down theory that once you "make it" you put your talented friends that stood by you through the lean years in where you can so thank you for keeping the dream alive. I mean be healthy but I miss the old you with the soft edges, you look too tailored now. Be careful of the dreaded "cat eye" syndrome that lurks in the puffy, pink back rooms of LA's finest filler & injection salons!!

I don't know, I feel like everything you've done has been processed through the Hollywood machine trying to find the 2002 magic which of course is a vortex of suck that reverses all the whimsy & different right out of a picture. My suggestion, get the back to your roots and get the suits out of your hair. And find another leading man, I mean I adore John, have since "Northern Exposure", but you need a new palette to play off, the jelly she is tired of you two.

ps-the two things I did love about the picture, you gave Rachel Dratch a job and you made Zoe Kazan look fat. Thank you!

Judd Apatow looked into my future and saw....

2011-02-02T13:14:00.000-08:00

Glimpses of your future present themselves in all sorts of ways.....this little tid bit is definitely scaring the shit out of me. Move over Kristin Wiig I'll surely be living the merry maid dream soon enough!!

An unsuspected gift!! (a late bit of tid due to illness)

2011-01-27T08:57:00.000-08:00

This was supposed to go up on 1/29/11 but I have been sick at home with my yearly dose of TB. I hate it when illness keeps my blog from blogging!!

I think it's so sweet that Lady Gaga is releasing her new single "Born This Way," on my BIRTHDAY!!!! 2-13-11!! What a treat!! I'm a grateful little monster indeed! RAH RAH RAH RAH!!

THUNDER SNOW!!

2011-01-27T06:56:00.000-08:00

The “Weekender” Cast got together last night to support our super talented director, Paul Urcioli, as he put on his acting hat and shook his jelly in the new play Point Last Seen. The snow had been pretty steady all day, but the streets and sidewalk were still passable. So getting to the Atlantic Theatre Company was easy, getting out well……

As per the usual, we headed to one of our favorite pubs, The Crooked Fork, for some post show libations. Things were merry indeed until we heard a banging sound and looked out side to see gale force winds whipping the snow back and forth. You know like Willow Smith's hair. When we emerge an hour of so later, the streets where gone, nothing but white and the snow still falling. No cabs to be found we headed into the subway with one side trip on the Q to no where (thanks Neptune!! lol) the trip got me back to the Eastside and I started my stumble home....and stumble I did. I took these pictures in case I fell and couldn't get up, so that when they finally dug up my body they would at least know the power of THUNDER SNOW!!!!

Finally a snow fairy left a trail home...but as you can see it only got me so far.

My Daddy Taught Me Good On The Auto-Tune!

2011-01-26T13:36:00.000-08:00

This is my new most favorite, F'd up thing EVER!! Thank you Ned Noyes for introducing me to the genius that is The Gregory Brothers. Lord I just can't take it!!! Plus they share the profits with the people they sample from the news. Well kids that's just good Karma!!

Back it up!!

TID BIT FRIDAY!!

2011-01-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

On Fridays I will post weekly "tid bits" that have inspirational meaning to me. They can be anything; poems, songs, scenes from plays or movies. They will also serve as a way to remind me from where my whimsy and happiness spring. Of late, I seem to have misplaced the address.

We start with my fond affection for Noél Coward....It all started with an album my grandmother had in her HiFi collection. The songs made me giggle and even though I didn't understand all the words I was determined to find out what this dapper man in a tux was singing about and what I had to do to attend "a marvellous party".

Then came Blythe Spirit it's a show that I have loved for a very long time. It was one of my mother's favorites and I got to perform a scene or two in college. Of course I played Elvira....not quite as graceful & chic as Lauren Bacall, my Elvira well she was more Dawn French in a Gunny Sack Dress. I can't speak to the recent revival as I did not see it, partly as a silent protest against a Broadway producer who wouldn't listen to me, and partly because I'm always broke.

Below is a tid bit from a LIVE Broadcast on CBS staring Mr. Coward, it aired on 1-14-56 (55 yrs ago). Time she does fly doesn't she...

Cast:
Noel Coward as Charles Condomine
Claudette Colbert as Ruth Condomine
Lauren Bacall as Elvira Condomine
Brenda Forbes as Mrs. Bradman
Mildred Natwick as Madame Arcati
Philip Tonge as Dr. Bradman

Dir. Noel Coward & Frederick De Cordova

Painfully funny....

2011-01-20T07:14:00.000-08:00

After watching the first two episodes of “Episodes” on Showtime, all my fears are confirmed. Los Angeles is nothing but a wasteland of yes men and artistic compromise. Where you sell your soul for truck loads of money while your play, script or pilot gets masticated on the molars of mediocrity and your uniquity is obliterated because it didn’t “test” well with people who have no idea that life did manage to toddle on without them before 1986. But hey at least it’s always sunny.

If you have showtime check it out, TAMSIN GREIG "Beverly Lincoln" is a treat as are some of the periphery characters, especially the woman in charge of "comedy" at the network. I'm looking forward to seeing how it all plays out. I find myself wincing more and laughing less because you know deep inside this is how the game is played.

"Episodes" a snippet:
Sean and Beverly Lincoln are riding high. The hit British television show they created, Lyman's Boys, just won another in a string of BAFTA Awards, and a major Hollywood television network wants to turn it into a stateside series and bring them over to run it. But it quickly becomes clear that the network has something different in mind for their high-brow comedy about an erudite, curmudgeonly headmaster of an elite boarding school - especially when they cast Matt LeBlanc (aka "Joey") in the lead. Will Sean and Beverly be able to navigate the shark-infested waters of Hollywood and survive with their careers, their marriage, and their sanity in tact?

Who can say???

Cleaning House

2011-01-14T08:32:00.000-08:00

Dear Double Chin,

This letter is to notify you that your time has come. Time for you to pack up your bags and leave the premises, your lease has expired. I am tired of seeing you in pictures and reminding me that eating double bacon cheese burgers after 11pm is not a reward but a future punishment yet to be revealed.

You slumber across my larynx with a lethargy reserved mostly for three toed sloth’s and the occasional tranny on the nod. It's been a lazy four years of self apathy which is not entirely your fault. My surgery made for an excellent excuse to back slide into a comfortable bean bag lifestyle.

I miss my jaw line, my hard biceps, and my graceful curves that used to be sexy, but now just remind one of an eggplant. I’m tired of being winded from subway stairs and standing up. I spent so much money on getting fit four years ago that most third world countries would have increased their GNP, but instead in the wake of injury I increased my BMI.

This is not a resolution but a plan to live a more healthy life and hope that there is still time to wear my skinny jeans before 2012 and the world ends.

So pack up your overwhelming fear of change, your self doubt and leave, the reconstruction begins immediately.

sincerely,
brandy

Wildely Entertaining!!

2011-01-13T08:22:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday night I spent a glorious 3 hours with Tom, Brian and the divine Lady Bracknell. A txt was sent post haste to inquiry if I was free for an evening of, “The Importance of Being Earnest” at the American Airline theatre. Straight away and without a moment to waste I replied via txt, "YES PLEASE!"

We entered the theatre around quarter of 8pm and made our way to the ample seats of the rear mezzanine. Which at first thought might have made one think that the seats were too far back, but that wasn't the case at all. We three simply hung as if honey from a spoon hovering over the spectacle that Oscar Wilde wrote nearly 116yrs ago.

This play continues to surprise and delight especially when in the capable hands of Mr. Brian Bedford who simultaneous serves as director and as the perfect Lady Augusta Bracknell. The 3 acts and 2 intermissions fly by as quickly as the witty banter falls with bounce and flair from the mouths of the cast. Effortlessly this romp through Victorian society makes one giddy over what used to cause a fuss in proper circles. Name, birth, land, money, cucumber sandwiches and the likelihood of finding a baby in a handbag at Victoria Station, the Bright Line of course, gives one pause to ponder the absurdity of what people deem “important”. Oscar was right then and he is right now….I think he would be overjoyed at the longevity of his work and this production in particular. So if you get the chance go! The laughter and the country air will do you good!!

(these video bits don’t do the show justice, but like cucumber sandwiches they’ll tide you over till supper)

The First One in 2011

2011-01-07T13:09:00.000-08:00

I look to my sister in spirit and in truth for my first blog of the New Year. Dorothy Parker's, Résumé seems fitting for my current state of mind.

Life is like quicksand the more you resist and struggle the faster you go under. So here's to just dealing with the cards you're handed and having another shot to cure what ails ya...

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

-Dorothy Parker

One last time....

2010-12-30T13:07:00.001-08:00

Before we say good-bye to the shit storm that was 2010, I thought I might pen one last blog.

Currently I'm a mess; broken in more places than usual. Baby Leg Part 1 which broke open again this morning "le sigh" surgery 2 looming in the future, scary thought. Baby Leg Part 2 still boot covered which has my lower back all out of whack & moving like a zombie eggplant; practically in tears most of the time. Wanting only to sleep, sleep away all that's not fixed, so much easier than actually repairing the damage which seems to be taking forever. My little light is oh so dim right now.

But it's the holidays which carry their own set of baggage, mostly missing the family of yesteryear. Wondering when the last egg of 2010 will drop, which would normally make me worry about the second coming of Christ, but my pagan lesbian status throws me clear of that designation. Then there is the loneliness of yet another count down with no kiss at the end. 40 on the horizon and no closer to finishing one of the 3 plays that haunt my imagination. I’m still stuck in a Jewbical with no apparent exit sign leading to the career of my liking.

Bitch, bitch, whine, & bitch should be the name of my law firm. So do we grab the boot straps and pull this eggplant above sea level and start again? I thought my jelly could see me through to the end of this ride, but the jar she is empty. I wonder if Walgreens carries magic jelly. Tinker Bell won’t take my calls. Maybe I should stop listening to Sara Bareilles, but it’s really not fair to blame her and her piano for my melancholic daze.

Maybe the next 3 days will show me which way to go, what path to take, there’s always room for miracles both large and small. Just have to keep your eyes peeled!! So here is to 2011 and figuring it all out, finding my way out from under this mountain of bullshit & remembering how to be happy. Hmmmm happy I think I can recall what that used to feel like; I used to keep it next to grateful and ecstatic.

One to grow on....

2010-12-10T10:01:00.000-08:00

Can I drink while taking antibiotics?

For many years, physicians and pharmacists were telling folks to avoid beverage alcohol while taking antibiotics, especially penicillin derivatives and cephalosporins. This was based on studies of soldiers taking antibiotics and then drinking. It was discovered that their infections were not improving. It was discovered years later than no interaction had actually occured, but that the soldiers weren't taking their antibiotics as prescribed!

Silly soldiers take your meds!!!!

Conversation is Art!

2010-12-01T07:42:00.000-08:00

I recommend you watch Public Speaking, an HBO documentary directed by Martin Scorsese, that consisted of interviews and clips of the legend that is Fran Lebowitz. She has become to me what James Arthur Baldwin was to her an inspiration encouraging thought, wit and an incessant need to talk.

Here's a taste....

And a bit more...

Watching and listening to her last night really opened my eyes to the fact that as a civilization we are quickly evolving into monosyllabic texting idiots who are umbilically attached to each other through technology, but we say nothing and are nothing. Recording life on smart phones and not actually living it. In fact our phones are smart but they've lulled us into a torpid state of mental stagnation. Being intelligent has become taboo, while being famous is all that’s held sacred or worthwhile. You can be famous for nothing, for not being anything, for not being talented or intelligent in anyway. I say we round up these frauds and feed them to the lions, reboot our minds and start over with something revolutionary like a well crafted phrase.

Lessons Learned?

2010-11-26T07:26:00.000-08:00

They say the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over expecting a different out come. Kind of like drunk texting.

Weekend at an English Country Estate

2010-10-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

I am so proud to have played a small part in this production. As resident house manger, fire guard and champagne slinger I get to enjoy this romp around the English countryside every night. Which affords me the luxury of watching it change and blossom into the ping-pong match of wit it has bloomed into. The reviews have been glowing and the company can't be sweeter if they tried!! As we go into our last 6 shows I get a little melancholy, but know that it's NOT over, this show will have life after life in theaters at every level!!

Here's one of the reviews:
On a completely opposite note, the Ateh Theater Group is currently performing a piece that is an achievement in comedic timing, acting, directing, and writing. Those looking to have a great time and to see a new play that will most likely end up on the same shelf as Present Laughter and Noises Off in a few years, should make sure to get down to the Access Theatre to see "Weekend at an English Country Estate." It is incredibly rare to find a piece that is so well constructed that it becomes a showcase for every single actor in the cast, but this show does that and then some. With carefully timed entrances and exits, dramatic irony, and bombastic characters this show takes off and does not let up until the bang up finale of the first act. The audience then gets right back on the roller coaster for a second act that is just as exciting and ties up beautifully. Sara Montgomery's script is a piece of writing that is classic. Set in the 1930's the story revolves around a recently separated well to do couple who have each taken their younger fling to the estate for the weekend. They arrive thinking they will be alone and discover one another. The cast of characters that explode out of this simple beginning are hilarious. From a depressed poet, to an acerbic butler, to a bookish young girl with a wild side the wackiness does not stop. To say much more would ruin the discovery of each new plot point which Montgomery layers so beautifully that the second one story runs into the other, hilarity ensues. The cast is phenomenal and entirely committed to the style of the piece with Montgomery herself playing a role that is not too taxing on the vocal chords. The audience was laughing so hard through much of the show, some lines were even lost. Of course, a show like this really soars when it has excellent direction and the razor sharp timing and execution of each moment clearly shine through in this show thanks to Paul Urcioli. Amongst many period comedies that need quite a bit of polish, this one shines as bright as a new piece of silver.

Sara Montgomery you genius! Thanks for making me part of the team!! xoxo

Baby Leg: The Unending Saga....

2010-10-22T07:23:00.000-07:00

3 years ago I had surgery on my left leg for plantar fasciitis or "heel spur syndrome". What a mistake that was, the syndrome itself is gone but my heel won't heal. One of the incision sites still leaks and is tender. Unfortunately the right leg is now consumed with the same malady which reaches up into my right hip. So in yet another attempt to be pain free I am seeing Dr. Sheskier on Monday.

He offers a non-surgical treatment option for patients with plantar fasciitis that has not responded to conservative therapy. The majority of patients with plantar fasciitis will be cured within 2-3 months of therapy consisting of physical therapy, night splints and orthotics. Unfortunately for some relief is elusive, leaving the sufferer with the decision to "live with it" or submit to a surgical treatment.

A new treatment option is now available. Extracorporeal Shock Wave treatment (ESWT), a non-invasive technique, has been proven to be effective in the majority of those cases. This in office procedure has been proven to be as effective as surgery but without the risks of a surgical procedure.

Wish me and the baby legs luck, I can't take much more of this, my last resort is a 24/7 morphine drip.

Joy!

2010-10-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

For an extended period of time my Joy has been elusive and I realized it's because I have stopped doing the things that make me Brandy "with a Y" Rowell.

Whimsy, magic, an air of wickedness isn't easy to maintain and my process to keep all of the those key ingredients in tip top running order have fallen by the wayside. Until taking on the role of house manager for Weekend at an English Country Estate by my inspiring friend Sara Montgomery. Watching this theatrical adventure unfold has shown me the path that I wandered away from absentmindedly.

I used to go to church every Sunday with my heels dug in and my "doubting Thomas" reared & waiting for a fight. Used to make my mother crazy that I refused to just "believe". Only she didn't realize that she was taking me to the wrong church.

When I walked into my first theatre I realized that God doesn't only live on religious properties. He lives where you find Joy. Where you feel at home, safe and surrounded by what you truly love. I've been asleep. Wasted time and turned a broken spirit away from what makes me, well me. All because I fear failure.

Well sod it all....I know who I am, what I am and what I want to do with my life and if "they" don't like it they don't have to buy a ticket. So here's to me buying the first to the Brandy with a Y Show! More me! Less fear, less hopelessness and more pixie dust please!!!

Oooops I Gleeked....

2010-10-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

On Sunday October 10th I was on an early morning M57 bus headed toward the westside to the Javitis Center for Comic-Con 2010. (more to blog on that little nugget later)

When all of a sudden, what should I see but this happy family standing on 57th between Madison and Park.....

Ahhhhh a great day in the city!! and that's how B, sees it!!

Coming to America

2010-09-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

This is BO WAH MEI, she's from Viet Nam and now lives on the perch overlooking my Jewbical. Thank you Allie Lipner for bringing her legally into the States.

Liberty vs. Something like it...

2010-09-07T07:11:00.000-07:00

Liberty has a price most of us will never pay, but enjoy to the fullest. Lately the scuttlebutt over the mosque being built near the 9/11 site has brought people to fisticuffs over whether or not it is appropriate to allow this place of worship to be erected. That it is an offense to the families of those killed in the attack. That somehow the whole of Islam is out to get us and if we let them pray near the World Trade Center, in some bigger picture that only the myopic can see, “they” win.

I’m sorry I guess we’ve all forgotten that this is America and that we do NOT discriminate against other people’s beliefs or where, when & how they worship. We swallow a lot of bullsh*t for this freedom. Think of the Civil Rights Movement which still to this day has to be vigilant in its pursuit of equality. It’s frightening to learn that in Charleston, Mississippi, Charleston High School just had their first integrated Prom in 2008. That’s right ya’ll 2008!!!

However, in America you have the right to be closed minded, bigoted and racist. You can spew your negativity and hate to anyone and on any media outlet who will listen. You also have the right to open your thoughts, to embrace your fellow man, respect his or her rights and try tolerance. Think of it as a lifestyle choice.

“They” only win if we don’t build the mosque. If we fold our arms and say, “no” then we become hypocrites wrapped in a flag of our own indignation. Moralizing that the families of these victims would be hurt or disrespected isn’t consistent with history. Look at Nathan Hale, one of Americas first true patriots, you remember him from 5th grade history class, right? He uttered, “I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country,” at his hanging which occurred on 66th & Third Avenue there’s no monument or statue of him, only a small plaque that hangs on the Banana Republic occupying that “sacred” ground.

Never forgetting doesn’t mean turning Ground Zero into a tourist attraction and using its sentimentality to bully your way over other people’s rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. No one said this grand ideal etched in parchment would be easy, it's often a hard pill to take, and we've made mistakes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Would you?

VHS vs. DVD

2010-09-03T07:35:00.001-07:00

Time Warner Cable can suck it. Really, after losing my cable last Saturday night and the 5 subsequent days following I have revisited the permanent "disconnect" from the Matrix. After the season finale of Mad Men in early October of course.

However, during that time I filled the void by watching a few of my favorite VHS classics. WOW! VHS does not hold up after years of sitting on a shelf. The pictures were grainy and the color faded. Why I thought tape was forever I don't know, I guess the AFI really does keep cinema alive and well preserved for future generations.

I'm not a fan of hi-def anything, I want to watch the movie or show not “be” in it. Occasionally it even makes me queasy. DVD’s are by far a better product; they are smaller, if you spill something on them you just wipe it off, scratching seems to be the only nemesis haunting the avid collector. Only, you know there’s something in the wings waiting to take its place. Blue Ray is just an enhanced DVD right? It’s not actually a ray that projects images in your mind.

I will say this though, my VHS copy of Soapdish has the classic continuity flub, of Sally Fields going from heels to tennis shoes….makes me laugh every time so I think I’ll hold onto it.

It's the little things.....

2010-09-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

that win TONYS!!! Love you Katie Finneran!!

Handy Capping the Tony's

2010-08-24T07:40:00.000-07:00

After looking over the latest Theatrical Index my mind is wondering where are all these shows going to go? I mean there are only so many Broadway theaters and as it stands for the 2010-2011 Tony Season there seems to be like 25 New Musicals/Revivals and 5 or 6 New Plays allegedly opening.

My best friend and partner in crime and other lascivious activities is in SPIDER MAN: TURN OFF THE DARK, so naturally I wanted to know what is coming down the pike in competition for BEST MUSICAL!

The biggest rival seems to be WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN, which is opening at the newly renovated Belasco Theatre. All I can say is I hope they removed the "curse" as well at the worn out carpet in the process. Nothing runs at the Belasco, at least not since I've been in New York. If your show opens there you might as well turn around and start auditioning because the curtain won't stay up long. The last decade isn't exactly riddled with hits.....

2000: James Joyce's The Dead
2001: Follies
2002: Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune
2004: Dracula, the Musical
2005: Julius Caesar
2006: Awake and Sing!
2007: Journey's End
2008: Passing Strange; American Buffalo
2009: Joe Turner's Come and Gone

Frankie and Johnny in the Clair de Lune & Joe Turner's Come and Gone were limited runs and Passing Strange while an AMAZING show never really found an audience!

I guess it all depends on when the cut-off date for Tony eligibility for the 2010-2011 Broadway season — the final day a production can open and still be eligible for Tony nominations — which has still YET to be decided. Makes me think the "Producers" are up to some shenanigans. It had been narrowed to down to April 21 or April 28, 2011. Someone must be trying to get in under the wire.

WE SHALL SEE!!!!

Nothing's Black or White

2010-08-20T11:45:00.000-07:00

Darren Aronofsky completely lost me with The Wrestler. Maybe I waited too long and just didn't care after all the media hype to be moved by the film or inspired or whatever he was trying to accomplish. I like my Aronofsky dark, twisted and hallucinating on whatever fresh mushroom has popped into his cranium. I stumbled across the trailer for the Black Swan and let's just say daddy's little signet has come home to roost.

My cin·é·aste in crime (Allen Stafford) was quickly notified and as I wrote on his face book wall of my anticipation of said film, "You and I have a date with the Black Swan. Aronofsky's is BACK IN BLACK. Of course if we're going to watch Natalie Portman masturbate and or do it with Mila Kunis we will be HAVING margaritas after, or before or during!! lol!! (ps-just when you thought Natalie couldn't get any thinner…eeeeeeee).

Follow up review shortly after December 1st. Wow that's a long time to wait to see what hatches.

The New Cagney & Lacey

2010-08-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

If the formula ain't broke don't fix it.

Cagney & Lacey ran for seven seasons from March 25, 1982 to May 16, 1988 after originally being canceled after season one, but due to fan petition was brought back. Sharon Gless and Tyne Daly combined to win the Emmy for Best Lead Actress in a Drama six straight years in a row, a winning streak unmatched in any major category by a show. It was one of my mother's favorites and even though I was knee high to a tadpole I remember loving it too. (Hmmmm I wonder why?)

Now to my great satisfaction this classic television program has now been reborn into "Rizzoli & Isles" which is based on a series of best selling books. Linda Stasi of the New York Post said it best, "Even if you can’t take one more police procedural this summer, you should give TNT’s terrific new cop show, “Rizzoli & Isles,” at least one chance. Why? Because it is your mother’s cop show. A throw-back to ye olde “Cagney & Lacey” days, “R&I” is about two women in the crime-busting biz. They’re friends. They’re smart. They’re textbook"

This show is rocking my socks. It's so gay without being "gay" that I can't believe Angie Harmon & Sasha Alexander don't bust out laughing every time the script gives a wink and a smile to the lesbian community. Especially in the last episode entitled, "I Kissed A Girl," where Harmon goes under cover as a lesbian and Alexander fills out her online dating profile to try and catch the lesbian predator à la Dateline style. Honestly, it's practically soft porn which is the best kind because really who needs to see bits flopping to and fro.

My running commentary while watching the show is giving me pause that maybe I should teach a class on weaving gay subtext into plot content. Some of their witty banter and innuendo is really well placed but others are a tad cliché and cheesy, but I like cheese. Big gay cheese!!! I mean really Angie Harmon leaves a date that her mother, brilliantly played by Lorraine Bracco, sets her up on with a bottle of wine under her arm and where does she go??? Sasha's house and what do they do? Curl up on Sasha's bed and fall asleep. Like in EVERY episode. Hahaha!! Can I also mention that Lorraine tells Harmon to, "suck it up and be a girl?" Thank you TNT!!

Harmon is the tough, street wise Boston Southie cop and Alexander is the well-bred rich girl coroner nicknamed Dr. Death who Harmon has a personalized ring tone for…..these two kill me they are the Law & Order Odd Couple, only I think everyone wants to see Oscar make out with Felix. I know I do....check it out, serious CSI fun!
(TNT is OnDemand under - Entertainment OnDemand check your local listing for channel)

Fun Exercise.....

2010-08-13T09:02:00.000-07:00

I dare you to come up with a paragraph following this opening line:

After I bought the box of pink zinfandel....

Small Stages: Theme Independence

2010-08-03T07:58:00.001-07:00

On July 16th I did this great little show at Jimmy's 43 called Small Stages. It's run by the amazing Carlton Ward who lights up my life and any room. Carlton usually has a theme this one being Independence (being so close to the 4th I guess)...as a comic I don't really have a lot of Independence in my set list so I tried something new....the risk paid off, I might be sweaty but I think I killed....

Brandy from Small Stages on Vimeo.

AUGUST!!

2010-08-02T09:27:00.000-07:00

Well it's here August!! Time to dig in and start the lock down, which consists of me staying home and writing, working out, not drinking, and basically being good and focused on me!

Not as easy as it sounds for a professional procrastinator. Any excuse to make bad or wrong choices is what I am good at….ha-ha! Everything and anything is infinitely more important and interesting than doing what is best for me. I’ve been in a perpetual state of life avoidance for most of my existence. Keeping my head down, trying to fly below the radar, pretending to be invisible and garner no attention is a true calling for the shy. Only rearing up on my creative haunches to occasionally tell some jokes, write a blog or podcast. Just enough dabbling in what really makes me happy to satiate my need for attention without fully committing to it as a way of life.

Now it is do or die…take a risk or live in this coma of disconnection. Eeeeee sounds so scary and formidable let’s see if I can force a migration into artistry that lives in reality and not just in my day dreams.

Nothing to say....

2010-07-28T06:58:00.000-07:00

July is not the month to blog. I've realized that when it's hot I write less. Too much witty banter seeps out of my pores and I can't focus due to dehydration. I get lazy and just want to lye around and sleep until it's autumn. Clearly it's some sort of reverse hibernation. August is around the corner I will try and be more productive verbally.

Even now I'm nodding off....ssleepy...zzzzzzz.

I "Heart" Brandy

2010-07-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

So to complete my three part mini-blogisode revolving around my brief yet fruitful run in with Dame Kristen Johnston (title implied by me only and not the Queen, at least not yet).

I performed at Small Stages last Friday night and my friends Ned and Richard were so sweet to come see me shake my jelly. After the show Ned was like listen to this! He hooked me up to his iPhone and played a voice mail from Ms. Johnston which was left the day following he and I going to the Mint Fundraising Event (see blog) Titled - Pass the Mints - June 21, 2010

KJ went on about leaving a package for Ned and where to pick it up blah blah blah and while lovely to hear her instructions secretly thought to myself, “why is Ned making me listen to this?” Then at the very end she pauses and says, “by the way I love Brandy. I think I might be in love with Brandy. Naaaawwwwww. But I do love her.”

Mission accomplished. I left my first favorable impression on a famous person without being to gushy or seemingly overeager to be liked. I was just me and that was enough.......I win! lol!!!

If you missed the first of the KJ Chronicles & don't know the back story.
(see blog) Titled - Funny Comma Genius - December 23, 2009

ps-in case you haven't seen a repeat of 3rd Rock from the Sun in awhile...this be KJ and THE only reason to watch Bride Wars more than once!! lol!

Whiskey vs. Whisky

2010-06-30T16:09:00.000-07:00

Do you know the difference? I do....thanks to my brilliant friend Dan Gaba I just now two seconds ago entered "Make it at Bushmills!" A contest for a chance of winning a place at Bushcamp and to be in the running for the ultimate prize - 30 days at the Old Bushmills Distillery and an opportunity to make your own unique blend of Bushmills.

How awesome would I be at that!!! I mean really father was orange and mother was green so all I really know how to do is drink, be merry and make people laugh!! Thank goodness Dad converted and I was raised Catholic, so the scars only show on the right side!! lol!

I made this short video....I had no time to think as the deadline for submission was 15mins ago...geez cutting it close is better than not at all.

At the last minute after multiple tries I couldn't get it to upload!!! Daggers!

Notice how my childhood stutter tries to come back but I push it back!!!They took the application anyway....maybe they'll see it here!!!

Freedom Writer!

2010-06-24T09:13:00.001-07:00

The other day I was called the Harriet Tubman of creative writing. I'm flattered to no end, but it makes me worried there is a well-crafted descriptive phrase trapped in Mississippi somewhere!!

The Fake Kiss....

2010-06-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

Recently on a few of my favorite entertainment websites I have noticed a trend known as the "fake" kiss. Meaning a celebrity of some sort is only staging kisses to create media hype, for example, Miley Cyrus “fake” kissed a guy and a girl on Britain's Got Talent Show this month.

Stage or screen kisses have been in the business longer than the phrase, “boy meets girl”, but there is something about the term "fake" that implies malice or intent to hurt. Actors "fall" in love and make out with other actors all the time and the trick is NOT to make it seem “fake.” So this “fake” kissing phenomenon is odd to me….as if they know we aren’t going to buy the smooch at all they cop to it’s “fakeness” right off the bat which seems counterproductive to the point of the kiss in the first place.

A kiss for me is a sacred act more so than even having sex. During sex you can detach, retreat into your imagination, even pretend to be somewhere else, or as Lady Gaga alludes, "Poker Face" your way through it. However, when someone is literally in your face that intimate connection is not so easily severed. Faking it for the cameras is low. Straight, Gay, or Bi-kissing for personal gain makes me sad. You should kiss someone ONLY if you mean it. Even if it's not on the lips, kissing another's cheek is not just something to throw away lightly either. Air kisses are silly, fun and usually have some campy glow to them which is fine, but these empty kisses this soulless smooching isn’t worth any amount of buzz.

Caring and loving someone truly seems to be passé. Any public display of affection is just another means to promote yourself, and not seen as a moment of tenderness. Christ listen to me go on…..waxing rhapsodic over the art of snogging.

Creeping....

2010-06-22T10:54:00.000-07:00

So the summer of Brandy w/ a Y is nearly here and it is starting a bit earlier than planned. Tonight I am performing at Boots and Saddles in the Fagtastic Gay Pride Show!! I wasn't planning on performing until the campaign finished on June 30th. However the universe is doing crazy shit right now this alignment of Saturn/Libra and Uranus/Aries is pulling me into the surf of letting go of things that aren't working in my life and embracing those that do....

I said yes to this show without hesitation and take it as a sign that I won't bomb tonight because I am reaching for what truly makes me happy. If I do bomb well then, no one is going die and all I have to do is pop back up on the board and ride the wave into the shore of the New World, as an astrologically inclined friend recommended!!!

Pass the Mints...

2010-06-21T13:11:00.000-07:00

Last Monday I went to a benefit for The Mint Theater, they did a reading of The Naked Genius, by Gypsy Rose Lee. The original production in 1943 was directed by the legendary George S. Kaufman. His daughter Anne Kaufman was there and sat just a breath away from me. Truly the closest I will ever get to the Algonquin Round Table was in that small space between my banquette and her chair. My imagination just went nuts at thinking about what it must have been like to be a child surrounded by the Marx Brothers, George Gershwin, Ira Gershwin, Moss Hart, not to mention that most of his plays were made into movies.

Stage Door, one of my all time favorites with Katherine Hepburn, Ginger Rogers, Adolphe Menjou and Lucille Ball. I should have said something, anything, but what?? What do you say to someone who lived through the golden age of Broadway & Hollywood? How would someone like me even begin to start without sounding like "Man in Chair" with turrets. I kept my glee restrained within my chest masking it with permagrin and tried NOT to catch her eye for fear of giving her a stroke.

Kristen Johnston volunteered to star as Ms. Lee, from previous blogs you all know how I feel about the divine Ms. Johnston. Sadly the play isn't very good, but Kristen, as she does, pulled out all the stops and made the event hilarious. I got to meet and speak with her briefly. My friend Ned is her "Manny", not really I like to tease him about it, but he did introduce me and I managed not to come off as a complete idiot. I tried my best to just be myself and give my honest opinions and above all else tried to make her laugh. Ned offhandedly said, "I think she likes you more than she likes me." Untrue I cried.

In my opinion the play just doesn't challenge Kristen enough. She needs a play that will elevated her comic skills and unfortunately this piece is lacking. I mean Gypsy Rose Lee wrote it, the lady could shake her bits but turning a phrase wasn't her strong suit. Kristen gave the dialogue some much needed CPR and made the most of it. I admire her pursuit of a play that is worthy of her time and efforts. Unfortunately something BIGGER than herself, something so farcical and grand that would make her work to find more in every bit doesn't just fall into ones lap.

She kissed the back of my program and hugged me, which really showed me how tall she is, as her boobs sort of rested on top of my head. It's the first time I understood how it would feel to be a munchkin. Later she offered to autograph it for me, but I declined, I'm not that person, "I'd rather just be your friend I remarked." As she left wishing me all the best in whatever it is that I "do", I said, "keep shaken that mad jelly you'll find the right play." She looked at me so strangely, almost puzzled as if to say, "who is this tiny person with reams of witty banter & really big glasses?" Our paths just might cross again, you never know, I could write something worth her while.....

Ingrid

2010-06-21T12:57:00.000-07:00

This is Ingrid. My friend Kathryn's bike. If you see her around town, do say hi! She's very friendly....I have a bike as well. My boys tease me saying that BB is just a work of art that hangs on my wall, but it's not true. I have and do ride her through the streets of Manhattan especially in Central Park on the weekends. I even have a helmet so it's officially NOT art.

Nothing fishy here...

2010-06-18T11:34:00.000-07:00

After our mermaid feast last night, the bartender gave us each a Fortune Teller Fish. Mine curled so much it looked like it had scoliosis....which according to the chart means that I'm extremely PASSIONATE.

As a water pig nothing could be truer about me as a person. Both light and dark passions run through me only to surface under great restraint.

I think that should change I've been holding back most of my life and I'm not sure why? People with no PASSION annoy me like gnats. I can't understand why they bother living if they aren't at least driven by one overwhelming passion whether shared or explored in secret.

Then to seal my fortune we had just the right amount of chocolate pudding....mmmmmm thank you Mr. Bartender!!

Merry Maids Indeed!!

2010-06-18T09:49:00.000-07:00

I pulled a hammy.
That's right while sitting at a bar having oysters and dreaming of redheaded "trannymaids". "Ye gods!" I get ahead of myself....here's how the evening unfolded.

Springing from my desk at quitting time, I dashed down to the subway caught the 6 and headed south towards the beach. Well not actually the shoreline but to the Mermaid Inn where I was to meet my gastronomic friend Kathryn. She had recently found out that everyday from 5:30 to 7pm you can enjoy oysters at the bar for a dollar each!!

My heart raced as I made my subterranean journey to shimmering salty bliss when we stopped in the tunnel and waited. Then we lurched forward into the 23rd street stop only to be told that the train would be going express at 14th street (a stop shy of my destination) DAGGERS!!!

Trying to remain calm as the clock ticked past 5:30, the baby leg and I went as fast as we could to 92 Second Avenue....feet don't fail me now!! Then I saw it....Ingrid, Kathryn's bike...already locked out front of the tavern. There would be no pushing or eye rolling for I knew as the gods know that Mars is hot for Aphrodite that Kathryn would have our places at the bar. Pheew. The MTA would not be my culinary foil this time.

I climbed up onto my perch and there they were the first 12 oysters of the evening.

I ordered a beer...which to my surprise also had a mermaid on it, she had red hair or wait is that a wig? Leave it to me to order a beer with a trannymaid on it!! She was fierce working those clam shells and giving me fantail face!!!

Kathryn and I giddy at our bounty could barely contain our delight so we continued to do so....after the 3rd dozen I looked at Kathryn and said, "Should you tell him or should I?" Our bartender who was fresh and friendly said, "Another?" As if we both were cracked from the same egg we said, "Yes please." The bus boys at this point peeked out of the kitchen to see who was eating oysters by the truck load!! Patrons came, ate and went, yet Kathryn and I sailed on...into 5 dozen oysters and for dessert a lobster roll.

We laughed a lot and talked of dreams and fancies. Traveling to Ireland and which grad schools would be best for a masters in poetry. Not only can Kathryn pound oysters like a sailor home on leave, but the bitch can turn a phrase. (this quite possibly will be her epitaph).

Oysters are like childhood to me, all my memories of Charleston and living on James Island with my parents hosting yet another oyster roast...Dad shucking them as fast as he could feeding my sister and I like baby birds. It's fitting that we squeezed this adventure in right before Father's Day....

Night night little mermaid kisses from the sea...see you next week!!

Swwwweeet 16!!

2010-06-10T13:37:00.000-07:00

Holy navel oranges!! It's been 16 yrs since I graduated college and spent my first summer doing professional theatre....it feels like yesterday I was wearing my Birkenstocks trapsing around Vassar College, living in a dorm with Ethan Hawke, Denis O'Hare, Deborah Rush & Jane Kaczmarek just to name a few. Well we all know what happened to them, but what the hell has happened to me???

I'm just a few weeks from finishing up my campaign at work, one last event to go and then, "It's the Summer of Brandy with a Y"!! I'm getting back on that road I started on and I'm not gonna stop, not for nobody.....You can't start your career like this and end up a glorified secretary without jumping in front of a bus.

Musical workshops:
Revelers by Beth Henley, directed by Leonard Foglia
Snakebit by David Marshall Grant, directed by Joe Mantello
The Fool and Her Fortune written and directed by John Patrick Shanley

Workshops:
Wasp and Romeo and Juliet at Antioch by Steve Martin,
directed by Barry Edelstein
Hand to Hand by Max Mayer, directed by William Foeller

Special presentation:
Raised in Captivity by Nicky Silver, directed by David Warren
A Fair Country by Jon Robin Baitz, directed by David Warren
The Quilling of Prue by Mary Gail, directed by Melia Bensussen

Truly one of the most amazing summers of my life. Let's make this summer the one I make the rest of my life AMAZING!!

Tom & Vinnie at Don't Tell Mama's

2010-06-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

These two are family. Not just as in "gay" but my family!!! As Vinnie heads off for 11 months at sea shaking his jelly on a cruise line I will watch this often, so I won't miss him as much. As for Tom well I can see him anytime!!

Vas ist das Gagaklein!

2010-06-08T14:11:00.000-07:00

Nothing like a little Night Porter with your pop music!! Only here she looks like she's covered in Moe's. Wait? What? Not homo's, Moe as in Stooges....geez.

June 8, 2010

2010-06-08T08:25:00.000-07:00

I woke up dead this morning. I guess it's better than waking up a monstrous insect.

Handkerchief Code

2010-06-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite gay history stories ever!!

Handkerchief code or hanky code (also known as bandana code and flagging) is a way of indicating, usually among gay male casual sex-seekers or BDSM practitioners in the leather subculture in the United States, Canada and Europe, whether they are a top or bottom, and what kind of sex they are seeking, by wearing cotton color-coded handkerchiefs (bandanas), usually in the back pocket or around the belt loop. Hanky code was widely used in the 1970s as a gay code, however nowadays it is also used by many bisexual, pansexual, and queer people.

Today the bandanas are worn almost exclusively in the rear trouser pocket or tied around the belt loop. The left side of the body for tops and on the right for bottoms; just as tops wear their keys on the left belt loop and bottoms on the right. In the past bandanas might be worn tied around the neck (with the knot positioned on either the left or right side); around the ankle (when wearing boots or when undressed); or on other parts of the body.

There is no universally understood color code, and regional codes vary widely. There is general agreement upon the colors for more common practices, particularly those with an intuitive relation between the color and the practice, such as yellow for urolagnia; brown for coprophilia; and black for SM, but no absolute consensus for less common practices.

It is also rumored that this is how the Gay Pride Flag was formulated...Rainbows for all kinks everywhere!!

I'd also like to thank Wikipedia for having such a through and complete color guide.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handkerchief_code
Always check it before accessorizing or you might end up a pass around party bottom by mistake.!!

Revive This.....

2010-06-04T07:54:00.000-07:00

On September 29, 1926 - The Captive by Arthur Hornblow, Jr. (who would later marry Myrna Loy) opened on Broadway.

It's a play about a young woman's seduction by an older woman. This queer history fact amazes me. In all honesty the play probably isn't very good, it only ran for 160 performances. However, I am taken a back that in 1926 such a play could and was produced on Broadway. I guess the '20s really did roar!!

I'm going to try and find a copy and read it....look for a Queer Fact Update in future posts.

ps-Basil Rathbone was in the cast...aka Sherlock Holmes.

Inside the Actors Studio.....

2010-06-03T07:43:00.000-07:00

It's sad to me that this teaching forum has just become another media platform to pitch your new movie. This show has been an "inside" look into some of the most amazing careers in the entertainment industry. Now, it seems as if Mr. Lipton has gotten to the end of the line of legends and is freely selling his soul to the highest bidder.

The latest Sean Combs episode made me feel dirty. Now, I'm not slighting Mr. Combs in anyway, he is growing into yet another discipline as an actor but the entire show leaned towards promoting, "Get Him To The Greek," literally showing us clip after clip of the film. They spoke briefly of his theatrical training and touched mostly on his musical career, which in itself is a journey worth noting.

However, there was NOT enough to talk about. In fact Sean did little talking at all. His mother spoke quite a bit as did his acting teacher. I know in some other episodes they have had a guest say hello, or comment on the performer but the two of them stole focus and took questions??? Making it seem more like, "This is Your Life."

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I can make a long list of theatre & film professionals that deserve to be on that show. Who can impart a truth to acting and the reality of the working actor, not to mention playwrights or even the elusive producer or god forbid a "techie"? How about that an episode featuring a Broadway Stage Manager, an hour of invisible glue!! Priceless!!! I'm sure Ira Mont can tell a story or two that will blow you're hair back! Get it together Lipton or I'm going to send Will Ferrell over there to bitch slap you!! lol!