So this picture is from a couple of years ago, right before I hurt myself at the gym and the baby leg fiasco took over my life. It didn't have to take over my life, I let it. I could have stopped it. Only it became the perfect excuse to backslide right back into a comfortable size 24. I worked too hard to lose that 80lbs. Trained, ate well, felt great and now look at me right back where I started. Bad habits and self doubt aren't easy to defeat. They sneak up on you and sabotage your subconscious. You medicate with the drug of choice, food because that's what's easy, comforting and time tested.
I struggle with having the strength to try again. Sisyphus should be my middle name. Only Marsden is, and if you break that down into Mars and Den.
Which by definition are:
Mars
1 : the Roman warrior god, the son of Juno and Jupiter, husband of Bellona, and the lover of Venus. He was the most prominent of the military gods that were worshipped by the Roman legions.
2 : The martial Romans considered him second in importance only to Jupiter. A lover and a fighter who never liked to lose at anything.
Den
1 : to assail with loud continued noise 2 : to impress by insistent repetition
which refers to the fear that never leaves my turbulent mind, that I might actually be worth the effort to begin with, that my life can and will be extraordinary. So Mars must defeat the inner threat, to silence the noise of doubt and extinguish what's left of the grand art of keeping me trapped in a life that is not mine but is of my making.
Every journey starts with one step, this journey has been a cha-cha. So enough, the god of war is tired and misses her skinny jeans. Health, wealth and happiness await let's not waste another day.
footnote : Den is actually spelled Din but spelling isn't everything, storytelling is.....
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