To the highest bidder!

I hate this…I hate that I have to try and sell myself to people I don’t know for money. Job hunting is the worst self analysis you can do. In 30 seconds or less you have to try and get someone who thinks they’re better than you to believe that you can make their job easier. Now, I know I can sell myself to an audience full of people in less than 10 seconds, but at least all parties involved are having a good time. This latest run of job interviews is basically teaching me that I am going to be miserable until I get off my fat ass and get back to the dream at hand.

I am NOT corporate America. Most of these executives look at me like I landed here from Saturn. I decided to “act” like what they would want, an obedient, vacuous robot to do their bidding. Not only to I feel dirty, I feel stupid and colorless. I check my personality at the door and walk in there half dead. All the things that people love about me have NO market value in the workplace. Realizing this makes me know under no circumstances will I sell my soul to the devil. (Who I actually interviewed with but that’s another blog)

Sure more money would pay my rent increase but I need to reevaluate what the hell I am doing with my life. Money doesn’t solve anything, if I’m in a job I hate, working for someone I loathe something tells me I am going to disappear entirely. That my magic tree house will just become a jail, and the light and sparkle that is me will just go out.

Karen Friedman Cooper hired me 7 years ago because I came in and told her that this job wasn’t my life and that my dream was bigger and brighter than anything non-profit could offer. She hired me because of that, and somewhere along the way I got lazy, and forgot why I’m here. Why I live in New York, and have made it my home, it’s not to be a drone. The baby leg sidelined me and the pain I have is a reminder that I need to start living again in spite of it. 10 months is a long time to have pain everyday. It can’t be an excuse anymore, it will get better, it has too, one day it too will all be a memory.

Maybe this is what the universe is trying to tell me. That I have been hiding under the blanket of Judaic safety too long and now I have to get back in the game before it’s too late. Before the dream and the girl is lost.

The change I thought I needed to make isn’t what I have to do at all. December 15th I have a show at Don’t Tell Mama’s let’s see if I can reignite a passion that needs me as much as I need it.

Huzzah!