Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Tis the season....so what?

Christmas comes but once a year and this year I have NOT done one thing to get ready for it. I went to some parties, and did comedy at a work function, but the only thing I managed to get "done" was send my sister the card she requested with a little something extra inside.

Usually I am full of Yule tide and merry berries but this year I can't seem to care one bit. For some reason it all seems empty, and not warm or full of cheerful anticipation.

2008 was not GREAT...in fact it was a little piece of hell. It tested me physically and emotionally with little room for joy. I'm glad to be on the other side of it and look forward to a brighter 2009, hope does spring eternal at least that's something to be grateful for as we face another Midnight Mass.

Or maybe it's just not that important to me anymore. The shopping, the rushing around, the acts of giving and getting aren't what they used to be. I guess I'm just tired.

Virginia and I both know that there is a Santa Claus, he's out there making the world a brighter and happier place. It's a Wonderful Life and White Christmas still make me cry. The Grinch hasn't stolen anything from me, but things are just not the same anymore.

I plan on losing myself in Seasons One through Three of LOST. I won them in a silent auction for a fundraiser benefiting a woman's shelter. So this year will be known as the LOST CHRISTMAS.

Maybe next year old things will be remembered and new ones will tint my life a bit rosier. Until then you can find me in the hatch trying to figure out what the hell is going on....

Friday, December 19, 2008

Holiday Office Party

Due to the economics of the present time our company canceled our office party. Undaunted, my floor decided to have a small gathering of our own. One of our senior directors asked me to "do" stand up at the party. I being a comic whore could not say no even in light of it being a "dry" event and scheduled for 2pm in the afternoon. Nothing says funny like sober Jews on the eve of Chaka-Khan!

I decided to slum as a prop comic and bring in my Nativity Scene.



I did about 10mins on who and what makes up my crèche, it includes but is not limited to: Black Santa, Vishnu, Action Jesus, a Unicorn, Garden Gnome, Buddha, Menorahs, Dreidels, & Sandy the squirrel from Sponge Bob Square Pants.

Let's just say I was hit and thankfully still have my job considering I believe the key to peace in the middle east can be likened to a squirrel living under water with a talking sponge.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS YA'LL!!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Elfin Warning: Proceed with caution, you're illegal immigrants too.

We all know I have a dark side. It’s cold, bitter and usually comes with a heaping tablespoon of humor the color of pitch. I wish I could say I found this gem. Alas, I can’t, for it was uncovered by my brother in all things wrong & inappropriate for viewers under 18, Vinnie Costa.

This has made my holiday season and like Ma’am always said, “it’s NOT Christmas until someone cries.”

Merry Christmas to all and to all the elves get your bitch asses back to work...

Monday, December 8, 2008

Rabid Rabbits!!

This is me today. A bunny slammed against a glass wall! Where are my plungers when I need them!!! Bawaarrrgh!!!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Photo Phriday by Proxy!

LET'S MAKE THIS CLEAR THIS IS NOT MY BOSS STEVEN SINGER.....
However, an old co-worker saw this truck and sent me this picture apparently there is a Steven Singer who is NOT liked at all....I hate Steven Singer in not only on this truck but I am told on a billboard on some interstate somewhere. Let's stop the H8 on Propositions and Singers!!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Photo Phriday w/ a side of Pep Talk!

So this picture is from a couple of years ago, right before I hurt myself at the gym and the baby leg fiasco took over my life. It didn't have to take over my life, I let it. I could have stopped it. Only it became the perfect excuse to backslide right back into a comfortable size 24. I worked too hard to lose that 80lbs. Trained, ate well, felt great and now look at me right back where I started.

Bad habits and self doubt aren't easy to defeat. They sneak up on you and sabotage your subconscious. You medicate with the drug of choice, food because that's what's easy, comforting and time tested.

I struggle with having the strength to try again. Sisyphus should be my middle name. Only Marsden is, and if you break that down into Mars and Den.
Which by definition are:

Mars
1 : the Roman warrior god, the son of Juno and Jupiter, husband of Bellona, and the lover of Venus. He was the most prominent of the military gods that were worshipped by the Roman legions.

2 : The martial Romans considered him second in importance only to Jupiter. A lover and a fighter who never liked to lose at anything.

Den
1 : to assail with loud continued noise 2 : to impress by insistent repetition
which refers to the fear that never leaves my turbulent mind, that I might actually be worth the effort to begin with, that my life can and will be extraordinary. So Mars must defeat the inner threat, to silence the noise of doubt and extinguish what's left of the grand art of keeping me trapped in a life that is not mine but is of my making.

Every journey starts with one step, this journey has been a cha-cha. So enough, the god of war is tired and misses her skinny jeans. Health, wealth and happiness await let's not waste another day.

footnote : Den is actually spelled Din but spelling isn't everything, storytelling is.....

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Another Year....

Mom, you're 69 today. I've blogged before about it, but this year I'll just say, Happy Birthday! I wouldn't have traded my 26 years with you for anything & I'd do it all again.

Love,
Missy

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Casting Call

The Addams Family - The Musical
Grandmama:
50s – 70s. Caucasian woman, ancient. Good-natured, easily led. Very active for her age. She's like the ladies you see in Fairway: of indeterminate age, but you don't get in their way or they'll run you over. Character singer with strong humor. PRINCIPAL



Clearly they haven't seen this lady...and if she showed up at Fairway I'm sure she would be booted to the curb.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Almost....

Well I ALMOST made it a whole year without a head cold. But just as we rounded into November, I managed to get a sore throat with matching aches and sneezes. Nothing more depressing that an old Queen with a head cold.

To add insult to injury it happened on Friday ruining a whole weekend. The weather has been damp and rainy as hell so it's no wonder I finally got snagged. The only thing I hate about living alone is that there is no one to take of you when you are sick.

Plodding out into the world for soup, tissues, and ginger ale in your sweats and ponytail trying NOT to look like death is completely depressing. Not to mention there is no sympathy or cool cloth for your feverish brow. Obviously this makes me miss my mother. Who was the best at making you feel better even when there isn't really anything you can do for a cold but let it run it's course. Her grill cheese and chicken with stars approach never failed or perhaps it was the kiss on the forehead that did they trick?

Who can say. Those footie pajama days are long gone and now I take solace in a furry belly and wet nose who I know if she had thumbs, Kayla would make me soup & grill cheese.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

YES WE DID!!!

I LOVE THIS SPEECH AND WILL KEEP IT CLOSE WHEN I FORGET MY PLACE IN THIS WORLD! YOU AND ME ANN DIXON COOPER!!!! KEEPING THE FAITH ACTUALLY WORKS!! WHO KNEW??


Remarks of President-Elect Barack Obama-as prepared for delivery
Election Night
Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
Chicago, Illinois


If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation's next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the White House. And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics - you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to - it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington - it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you didn't do this just to win an election and I know you didn't do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime - two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor's bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it's been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek - it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers - in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends...though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection." And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America - that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing - Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons - because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America - the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

ROLLING THE DICE & CHANGING THE WORLD!!

I VOTED!!!

There was no line at lunch time at my polling place, and I was happy to stand in a gym at a Catholic School to vote my little democratic heart out. Pausing only briefly before throwing the lever to take in my moment of "mattering" in this election process.

It came down to me alone in a voting booth from 1956. (really can't we figure out a better system?) I mean Christ the credit card people keep excellent track of ALL of OUR debt, they can track our carbon foot print and we can download books into Kendall's through the air. Surely they can figure out how to record our votes without us having to go back in time.

Now we wait. All of us. Wait to see if we can really change to world in one day.
Please God, give a brother a chance!!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

HALLOWEEN PHOTO PHRIDAY!!!


The smell of fall always makes me think of Halloween. It was Dad’s holiday with us. Mom would stay at home and hand out candy, but Dad would spend the night with us walking from spooky home to spooky home armed with a flash light and a taste for snickers bars.

The week before the big day we would all decorate the house. My parents should have worked in the theatre because they had a flare for the dramatic and could create the most amazing décor with just household items. The rock garden on the way up to the front door was our graveyard with scary & funny epitaphs.

A giant ghost swung from the roof of the porch to greet you, carved Jack-O-Lanterns, spider webs and more kept your senses akimbo in case something undead suddenly rushed by….

The icing on this candy corn was my tiny lady bug record player wedged in the front window of the kitchen. Turning on its face was the Disney World Haunted House 45. It may have been made by the mouse but it was scary as hell in the dark. Clearly there was a time before iPods, I am a product of this time and therefore direct you to wikipedia if you do not understand the concept of “record player” or “45”.

Costumes were NEVER store bought. No plastic masks, or cheap one size fits all. Actually, wait, I think maybe one year we did that, I was Mickey Mouse and my sister, Laura was Boo-Berry from cereal fame. However, those masks were unbearably hot and made your face sweat. Completely grossed out we never went that way again. Especially, since I think Laura ate off pieces of the mouth of her mask in order to stuff the candy into her eager little face.

Our costumes were either made for us or we crafted items we already had into Halloween gear. Some of my favorites were, the wolfman, Mom had an old shag wig and we used my Dad’s winter fur lined gloves (turned inside out of course) as my paws. Add some plastic fangs and grrrrrrr!!!


We’d do themed, costumes too, Peter Pan (me) & Tinker Bell (Laura), or Han Solo (me, more than once) and Princess Lea (Laura), I also went as Zorro for a number of years, and in high school actually had the nerve to go as Ira Gershwin. I may never have “come out” to my parents but HELLO how gay was I???

I just remember Mom making us a spooky dinner and Dad buzzing around for batteries, Laura and I about to pop over the candy carnage that would ensue. Dad loved watching over us and always had a, “What’cha get!” when we ran down from the house with out newly acquired booty. At homes with bowls of candy already out he never let us take more than one, it actually didn’t even occur to me to do that until I was wised up by older kids. Who would rape bowls with greedy hands and giant bags.

Of course now I still approach Halloween like I’m 10. There are years the costumes just come to me in a flash of genius while others are a little weaker. Some classics are The Magic 8 Ball, (now since retired due to threats from fellow gays that I am never allowed to do it again…hahahah) Mama Cass, (PJ’s and a Ham Sandwich around my neck with a big bite missing) of course people also thought I was a latch key kid but hey a funny dead celebrity pun is a funny dead celebrity pun.

This year might be close to perfection. It’s unexpected and will not be lost in the crowd of Joe the Plumbers, Sarah Palin’s and Jokers. Pictures will be posted so stay tuned my little blog babies I can’t wait to hear what you think…..

Happy Halloween!!!!
BOO!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

RAIN

"God is in the rain," unfortunately I had to swim through him on the way to work this morning. Around 8am Kayla, got off her chair and got into bed with me. She didn't wait for me to say, "Come on girl, jump!" She just jumped and unlike her usual foot of the bed circle dance she simply laid down beside me and put her head on the pillow. It was the sweetest thing ever. Clearly she is becoming more human and less dog through the years. It was so dark in my tree house that I thought it was the middle of the night but my alarm was set to pop off and I snoozed until 8:35. Dread of the outside world kept me snuggled in till way past I should get up and into well I'm so late why bother.

Needless to say today is dragging and I just wish I was still home in bed with the puppy. Who I am sure is watching her stories and curled up in the comforter awaiting my return.....

Monday, October 27, 2008

Eureka!!!


The secret to life is to imagine Sisyphus happy....and that is why my journey as a comedian makes perfect sense.
Knock-Knock.
Who's there?
Sisyphus.
Sisyphus who?
Shut up I'm trying to get this rock up to the Hollywood sign.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Photo Phriday


Nothing says imagination like China Town. If only this big guy could speak I wonder what tales he would tell?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Rounding third....and having seconds.

As October is quickly coming to a close I realized that I have worked 14 days in the month of October. Seems I could have gotten a lot more done with all that time off, but life has a way of filling up on you. Recently, spending 8 days off was a dream that included a picnic at the Cloisters and a four night culinary adventure with Kathryn & Gypsy who were in town from LA. Gypsy, an executive chef, flew in from the coast to shoot a new game show for the Food Network called "Chopped," a sort of mini Iron Chef. We ate at four unbelievable restaurants with various friends and were treated like rock stars by the staff and chefs of said eateries.

A highlight was being ogled by Joel Grey; yes Cabaret Tony Award winning Joel Grey, who was momentarily mistaken for Ron Rifkin but was so blown away by our collective beauty that he had to mention it to the chef who promptly reported to us how hot we were. It's good to know people who KNOW people. LOL.

I was surrounded by this amazing circle of women who have known each other for years, formed and performed together in their theatre company known as Ateh. They permeate my universe thru the power of facebook and beyond, I feel like maybe if I stay sans “partner” being alone won’t be so bad. Overall, I do have a very large and impressive group of friends. Collecting only the finest of individuals their light and love has been life saving in the face of the progression of my existence on this big blue marble, to say the very least. However on this particular occasion with these particular friends I had moments of sheer happiness from just being, breathing in, breathing out, passing the salt, making a joke, taking “in” life at it’s very basic elements made this weary heart feel lighter.

That old assumption that if you get a group of diverse women together they will eventually turn on each other is horse hockey. Surely thought up by a man and perpetuated by our human need for carnage, the death matches of Rome now replaced by the ever probing celebrity riddled covers of popular magazines, could not be further from the truth. I stood back from these ethereal women and just watched on more than one occasion how they treat each other. Their subtle interaction and reaction was at the very least comforting and at the other end completely intoxicating. Love comes in all forms and is shown in a myriad of ways for me it’s the tiny things that get me the most.

Perhaps, a throw away moment that no one really sees or acknowledges would be missed subconsciously if left out. The web of these small gestures, hold us together. Not everyone gets the sweeping romance, or life long soul mate who spackles in your cracks and reminds you that you are beautiful, safe and forever loved. That’s only for movies and novels that have the luxury of being scored and rewritten. The reality is that we all need to be reassured that we are important, that we matter, that our love matters. Finding that out over dinner made the oysters that much sweeter and this diner a tad bit more secure in her place at the table.

Mange!

Friday, October 17, 2008

BLOGGING OWED!

I need to blog up and recap my 8 crazy nights but you'll have to settle for a Photo Phriday until then....

I found my future home.....
GORGE!


Plus I love the glib advertisement: MANSION FOR SALE!! HAHAHA!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

8 Crazy Nights!!

Out of the month of October I will work a total of 14 days. Seriously, the High Holy Days all fell in the middle of the week which makes Brandy, the faux Jew, a happy girl indeed. Since the summer came and went with me NOT going anywhere, but Atlantic City for Vinnie’s 40th Birthday Gaming & Buffet Festival, I am looking forward to the coming week like a kid right before Christmas. I have a show on Saturday night, I plan to take Kayla to the park as much as possibly, I’m dusting off the old bicycle and taking the much improved baby leg for a test drive. The Biggest Loser has shown me that I might not be that fat yet, but it is possible so being “scared” skinny is gripping me into much needed action.

I also plan to focus on a few projects that have gone to the way side of late that need tending to.....A room of one’s own with Oscar Wilde as my muse might push forth something worth while that can be submitted for polite yet encouraging rejection letters.

October is one of my favorite months, not only is the crisp air and hot apple cider at every turn but it's time for the gayest of all holidays. HALLOWEEN! My costume has been in my mind for months, and I need to procure only a few items to pull it off, so now before the stores get too stressed I will go out in search of my master pieces that will transform me into a hideous creature indeed.......mwwhahahaha!

The first signs of the haunting season popped into view early this week, on my way to Anthony’s Birthday party at Bamboo 52!! I saw my first pumpkins. Small yet adorable behind bars they called out to me.



So much nicer than the squashed candy corn I saw this morning while walking the dog. I was sans camera but in all honesty it was too gruesome a sight to record pictorially. Poor little corns.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Photo Phriday....and I quote



“Let’s face it, there’s a touch of the homosexual in all of us. You see it’s not the cock and it’s not the twat. It’s the eyes don’t you know and sometimes the smell of lilocks."
~Tallulah Bankhead
(???? - December 12,1968)

God's Yard Sale



Was the god of Abraham cleaning out the closets and putting things up on ebay to make a little cash in these hard times? Walking down East 20th towards Avenue C I came upon this discarded pew from a Shul that I could NOT locate on the street??? Did it just fall from the sky? Did the great Synagogue in Olam Ha-Ba get new seating?? If so will ticket prices go up this High Holiday Season?? Poor pew....even God redecorates!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Photo Phriday - Lost & Found


After romping around New York and seeing a few NYMF shows I happened upon this sight.

A tiny purple plastic sandal pictured has lost it's way. Ripped from the owners plump foot or more likely kicked off while riding astride in some overpriced stroller, by the owner with the non-attentive parent making their hustle from 9th to 8th Avenue. It made me smile and then I thought how sad, no more play dates, birthday parties, or tip toe ballet moves. Only to spend what little time wedged between a wall and a hard place before heading off to some land fill. Sad little beauty of modern man's contribution to toddler foot wear. What a waste.....

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Freshly Tossed

I panic on occasion for no apparent reason. Everything went fine last night. I guess I just can't handle not having ALL the control. As a stand up comic I am all things, producer, director, performer, eternal child like pan. So when I have to give over to others with the power I tend to panic. I like things the way I like them, I trust few and respect less. It's a problem. I know. However this enterprise is giving me the opportunity to grow and let go of some of the weight of the world that I put on my own shoulders and trust others with the load.

Now on to the adventure that was last night....

So after my meeting I met up with my friend Shana. We've been seeing NYMF shows together and having a blast. We saw Freshly Tossed, a dance hodge podge that was extremely entertaining and different as they try to work in as much comedy as you can while wearing Capezios.

Some pieces were great and others well, let's just say I don't like clowns who make a living with balls. After the show we joined Shana's friend and her companion for some food, cocktails and chit chat and that is where the night got really interesting.

New people can be a problem for me I usually am very quite and don't speak for a good while until I have ascertained the intentions of said newbies. Shana's friend from Lichtenstein, my first Lichtenstonian! Was a pleasure with charisma and sass, her Renfield partner in WEIRDNESS was another story. A composer, fine, lives in Brooklyn fine, but he had eyes like in those old horror movies where the picture on the wall would seemingly be staring right at you and yet THROUGH you. He was also extremely hairy on his four arms to the point were the hair met at a seam that ran down the length of his arm.

We all enjoyed talking about theater etc...and then moved on to more social topics. When all of a sudden somewhere between Bed Bugs: The Musical and Ward 9 spiders became our focus. He revealed that he had captured a spider and was keeping it as a pet, ok, then he said he said found her a mate and that they had produced an egg sac and now he had 30 odd so baby spiders. Wait for it....when asking how they managed in their cage he said, oh their NOT in a cage. She has a web in the kitchen and that's were they live.

If I was a screaming type of person I would have omitted one of those blood curdling whoppers from the 1970's slasher films. Renfield, who is alive and well and taking care of his master in Brooklyn, was now making me itch. It was all I could do to keep a straight face and be polite. Soon after we got the check and Shana and I thought we had made a clean escape. When we realized Renfield was walking with us to the train. The longest most uncomfortable walk which included discussions about fish eye viscus and other seafood delicacies. We finally lost him at the F train on 6th Avenue. Then we could finally share in our mutually freakedoutness.

Now everyone is special. We all have our "things" but this one is going to make for grand party entertainment for at least a few weeks. Charlotte's Web is one thing but a grown man in Brooklyn harboring a safe haven for god only knows how many 8 legged beasties is more than this city girl can handle. Especially since he feeds them roaches I don't want to even know where he gets those....eeeeck!!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Deep Cleansing Breath!

I feel sick. Or maybe it’s just fear of change creeping into my coffee.

If I make it to “Freshly Tossed” tonight it’s a good chance everything will be fine. Or I’m just going to play in traffic.

Why my nerves get to me is beyond understanding, I am capable, competent and a theatrical whore the only thing bad that can happen is if I get fired and I have already been told in front of witnesses that, “there will always be a place for Brandy.” Ugh, but it’s really just psycho babble crap that makes my stomach turn. Breath, relax, shuffle ball change, I’m ok you’re ok. This is the time when a parental unit is handy but I’m fresh outta those at the moment.

Okay comrades, once more into the breech, or penthouse apartment as it were.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Photo Phriday


I’m in love with Bonnie Hunt. I guess I’ve always been. She has been a fixture as second banana in every movie role for the last 20 years. Time after time she has made me laugh as the funny friend, sister, aunt, or mother. Nothing makes me happier than finally seeing her get her due with, The Bonnie Hunt Show. I never pictured her as a talk show host but she is killing me. I laugh so hard my dog thinks I’m dying and runs around trying to dial 911 but can’t because she doesn’t have thumbs. She recently had Teri Garr on and said that Teri was a big inspiration and role model for her well that’s how I feel about Bonnie.

I am not from Chicago, I have only one sibling and yet I completely identify with Bonnie’s outlook on family and how Catholicism can and does ruin your life. lol. Watching her show makes me feel like, at least for an hour I’m home. I wish I could articulate more how she makes me feel less alone. Family was such a huge part of my life that any glimpse of something that jogs a memory becomes precious. Like when she makes her mom laugh or talks about growing up in a working class neighborhood, or how much she loves her dog. How her Dad thought her mom had it easy at home raising 7 kids. I’m giggling right now as I write this….ahhhh well that’s why Bonnie is my Phriday Photo. She’s bringing back so many things I’d thought I’d forgotten and I look forward to laughing through all of it.




ps - Frankly I think her mom and Ellen’s mom should do their own show. Now that would be a hoot!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Whittle Wand....


MSNBC TIDBIT...(pun intended) Daniel Radcliffe suffers localized stage freight, Shrinkage affects all the greats — just look at Michelangelo’s David. That’s what Daniel Radcliffe hopes audience members keep in mind when he strips down on the Broadway stage later this month for his role in “Equus.”

“(David) wasn’t very well endowed, because he was fighting Goliath,” the “Harry Potter” star explained in an interview with the New York Times. “There was very much that effect (for me). You tighten up like a hamster.”

It has nothing to do with him being English. Rigggghhhtttt. Regardless I heard the show is AMAZING and if you can, go see it. The show, not the penis. You know the girl, Anna Camp, is naked too, but nobody seems phased by that???? WTF?

Monday, September 15, 2008

Blind Luck....

or Fluck as I like to call it. Found me last week as I played my newest obsession. Scrabble on Facebook. I scored 74 point using all my tiles spelling, DIVERGES, as in a path diverges in a wood and I took the road less traveled. (not exact but close)

My mother who was a wordsmith and spelling legend would be so proud.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Retelling is Rethinking....

On this day every year I invariably retell my 9/11 experience. Usually at lunch with the girls and this year was nothing different. Most of my friends at work now were still in college when it all happened and the fact that I’ve had this job for 7 years means I was here with my Jews on that day.

Time passes and I still haven’t been downtown since the attack. I never have a reason to be in that part of town, my life never really goes below Bleecker. I get too emotional to really deal with what happened, to process it, mostly I just get angry, a color I don’t wear very well. Especially if some tourist asks me which way to ground zero, like it was a ride at Disneyland.

That night after making my way home, I watched the city burn from my Williamsburg window not knowing what would come. How the world would be different, how I would be different? Well I know now and it’s unfortunate that it only went from bad to worse.

The election is the only light, if things don’t change I fear we will continue to spiral into the darkness, but there is hope. My hope is that America will get better and get over this mess. I survived 9/11 and the lung infection that I got from inhaling the black cloud that floated across the river and into our apt. My hope is that Obama is the antibiotic that will change the course of this slow Bataan death march into being the biggest world power embarrassment ever.

Land of the free, home of the liars and bullies of the oil fields, this is NOT what we are supposed to be. Does anybody even remember what this Nation is supposed to stand for? We used to stand for revolution, and freedom, and independent thinking. These have been replaced by fear, homeland security and fast food. I’m choking to death on all of it.

After seeing the musical, Tale of Two Cities this week, I’ve decided what was good for France is good for Washington D.C. Let my tax dollars purchase a guillotine. Let’s see who flip flops in front of a shiny steel blade and brings up pigs wearing lipstick. Punishment for all who serve themselves and not the people…that includes you Department of the Interior, who’s first Madame Guillotine is waiting….it's god's will afterall.

Friday, September 5, 2008

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz......huh what? oh...Photo Phriday!

This weekend (known as Weds-Thurs Night) was some of the best quality time I have ever spent with the rowdy crew of characters known as Vinnie, Tom, Brian, Roseanne & Myself. Two days and one night in Atlantic City felt like a week’s vacation. Sleeping 3 hours out of 48 wasn’t bad at all, but it caught up with me this morning at 8am. More dehydrated than tired I think, getting up and coming to work this morning was truly an effort. But I wouldn’t trade the fun of Vinnie’s 40th Birthday Party for the world.

Things accomplished in Atlantic City:

~ Won $30 dollars
~ Learned all about Craps, Slot Machines, Black Jack and 3 Card Poker
~ Could have people watched all day. Where do they come from?
~ Ate my weight in Crab Legs and Shrimp at the Buffet!! Thank you Tom!!
~ Taught Vinnie how to shell a shrimp in 2 moves.
~ Rolled like a playa in our suiteass hotel room!! Huzzah HARRAHS!!

View from our Suite!!!

~ Jacuzzi Tubs

Pictures of Vinnie Covered in Bubbles are on the way!!! :-)

~ Got my period…of course!
~ Having smoky treats while getting ice from the machine!
~ Drank beer on a frozen bar!
~ Was wished luck by more people than Michael Phelps
~ Ate my weight in bacon and had the best omelette ever. Thank you Roseanne!
~ Enjoyed Safety Stops both ways!
~ Laughed, bitched, laughed, drove, bitched and laughed some more!!

Things learned on the way home from Atlantic City:

~ Vinnie drives like a man, Tom does not! LOL!

Looking forward to FOXWOODS, next year, god help them hope they are ready!!!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Photo Phriday

Before we get to the photo, I have something subconscious to work out.
I think I am crossing my Katie’s at the moment.

Last night in my dream I was with the Ateh Crew seeing out dear friend Katie Thompson sing her guts out at a concert. Expecting to hear my favorite, “What Turns You On?” only to get Katy Perry’s, “I kissed a girl,” was truly shocking then the plot thickens I wake up turn on the Today Show and there is Katy Perry singing said song. WTF!! I mean I have always had a touch of ESP but how have the channels in my mind and the stations on TV synced up?

Clearly I need to put down the remote and go outside. I guess somewhere in my neurons things got crossed, Katie Thompson is in LA mounting R.R.R.E.D the Musical Manifesto and you can’t escape the song of the summer, it’s been playing on repeat in my mind for months. I mean I can’t complain, being surrounded by hot, funny, talented woman is a gift that just keeps on giving.

So as we head into the last weekend of summer and face fall full frontal I am ready for anything cuz it can’t get much worse.

That being said wish me luck, I’m headed to Atlantic City for the first time to celebrate my co-blogger and partner in crime, Vinnie Costa’s 40th Birthday!! We’ve been friends since I was a budding young comic and were brought together by a slice of room temperature pizza. Best investment I ever made…so blow on my bones mama needs a new pair of shoes!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Watching...


Watching your friends succeed gives me more joy than I can stand. Last night I watched my friend, Erin Foley rock the Hudson Theatre in New York City as she taped her Comedy Central Presents special. It was truly an amazing experience and I am so glad that Julia, Jake & Madeleine got to share it with me.

Kicking off the night with “Fallin off the Porches” at Virgil’s BBQ set the tone which was in a word was “banging”. Per the usual there was a warm up host who did a great job in getting us ready to laugh. Once we got our instructions, i.e. “don’t look in the cameras, if you are sitting with someone that isn’t your spouse move, & above all have a good time” they introduced Erin and the roof officially blew off the joint. We made so much noise that I’m sure NJ heard us. Erin did 30mins of her funniest stuff that I have heard over the years and new material that must have blossomed after she moved to LA two years ago. With grace and ease she kept the laughter right on point hitting every punchline outta the park.

Julia, Jake & Mads were losing it and I loved every minute. By the time she left the stage I didn’t think things could get much “higher” then they said they had another comic and we all looked at each other like, “what?” I’m exhausted there is no way I am going to be able to laugh anymore. However, Chris Porter delivered and we busted a gut to his crazy insights to life, love and pot. What else is there really? Hahaha.

We left the theatre fully spent, and headed to the after party. It was a great night. One that I will not soon forget, keeping it close in my heart and mind to make sure I stay on the path to a night of my own.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Always behind the 8 ball


So I randomly asked the magic eight ball, “is love around the corner or near by?” My incased plastic response…“Don’t count on it.”

Lovely…not only am I desperate for attention I am now asking a clearly delusional child’s toy for answers. Mattel you can suck it….and that is decidedly so!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Photo Phriday!! The Remix

Per Vinnie Costa’s suggestion (in order to increase reader traffic) I am changing the spelling of my Photo Friday to Photo Phriday. Apparently the blogging world has their own dictionary which I am sure will send Webster and my Mother spinning in their graves.

However, I Brandy Rowell being a “joiner” will follow my friend’s advice and sub come to “blog conformist pressure” so my blog will not be like that tree in the woods; or as Vinnie likes to put it, “and that is why we write, right, for others to read? I, of course, do it for the attention...” A true poet after my own attention starved heart.

I am considering taking on yet another creative project. After being exposed to an artist named “Banksy” I feel inspired to become a graffiti artist a “burner or tagger” if you will. But not in a vulgar sense of random filth or rage but as a means to invoke thought. Banksy has been a mystery on the walls and streets of England for more than 3 decades. He is political, thoughtful, humorous, morose and provoking. After seeing some of his work and how powerful the images are, it seems to me that arts natural evolution is to break free of the museum establishment and go back out into the world where everyman can see it. I invite you to “google” the mystery burner and see for yourself….here are a few of my favorites:

RITZRAT


GUANTANEMO


KISSING COPPERS


THERE'S ALWAYS HOPE

Thursday, August 21, 2008

One More Time from the Top!

Below you will find a brief interlude with my current and steady Sunday night date, Mad Men. Shameless self promotion is one thing, but schilling for a show you aren’t even remotely connected to is true love.

At least in the television listing in my mind….enjoy! If you get hooked let me know there's always room for one more at my house on Sunday nights.

Dinner will be served.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Yesterday my baby leg was hurting I thought it was because the humidity was coming back. Making me feel like a character from an old movie who can forecast the weather with an ailing joint. Ma & Pa Kettle anyone?


After work I took a hot shower and when I went to dry my baby leg, POP! The heel broke open and something from the Alien movies oozed out.


Unbothered, I squeezed what would usually make an NFL player pass out, into some tissue until it was just blood. I cleaned and dressed the opening. Thank god my father was a medic in the Marines and I watched every episode of M.A.S.H bring on the sucking chest wound I’m ready.


However enough is enough….18 months later I am still dealing with this bullsh*t, I spy with my little eye a law suit!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Christ on a Cracker!!

This is a follow up to my current summer obsession Katy Perry. I just read this article
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1046018/Shameful-disgusting-The-No1-song-sparked-outrage--singers-parents.html
am completely shocked that Katy got out of that house alive.
In a nut shell, Katy Hudson’s evangelical parents are NOT happy about her success with the song of the summer, “I kissed a girl,” or the fact that its beat the Beatles, “I wanna hold your hand,” on the top ten, no they are appalled by the notion of homosexuality even in the context of silly pop lyrics. Um...Mary & Keith Hudson bugger off! (Katy uses her mother’s maiden name Perry)

The only thing that makes me more upset than ignorance is when parents don’t support their children and in this situation we have both. I understand you believe what you believe and that’s fine but as long as Katy isn’t hurting anyone, or hurting herself, bugger off. Katy can’t sing a song about kissing a girl out of curiosity but her father Keith Hudson can call himself a ‘prophet/evangelist’ and claims to be used by the Holy Spirit to heal people. Riiiiggghhhhtttt.

Thank GOD Katy has more common sense and has acknowledged the rift with her parents, by saying: “I stopped trying to change them at 21.”

Katy I learned this a long time ago, we raise them the best we can and then we have to let them make their own choices. That’s all we can do….rock your jelly.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Photo Friday

Last Friday I took off from work. Slept in late, got up, took Kayla for her walk and ended up going to Central Park. We went to Kayla’s favorite romping ground, we ate sticks and rolled down the hillside. All the while jamming in tune with a 3 piece Jazz Band that had set up to play for money. A perfect NYC moment, on our way back to the Magic Treehouse we crossed 5th Avenue and when I looked up at the beautiful building I noticed this….

A basement apartment on 5th Avenue labeled 2 ½.
I stopped cold and was like who the hell lives there?
Hobbits that have gotten rich off the Lord of the Rings coffers???
Maybe retired Ringling Brothers midget clowns (sorry, little people clowns) or maybe it’s just a playhouse for the rich kids whose parents don’t want them getting the Persian rug dirty.

I know that the ½ addresses are very popular in Los Angeles but I’ve never seen one in New York so close to the upper crust. In fact it was in a building just around the corner from where Woody Allen lives. (unless he moved) I watched the Super Bowl in his building once. It was awhile ago when the paparazzi still dogged him.

When my friend and I left the building, one of the guys took my picture, and I was like, "what are you doing?" He said, “You’re going to be famous and I wanna be ready.” I laughed and said, "whatever strange foreign man." He was like, “no really you’re going to be on TV.” Tiffany, my friend, looked at me and said, “well you are hilarious why fight it.”

Who’s fighting??? I know I should be on TV, only I’m not sure how. I hadn't thought about that in a while...I remember his face, the little paparazzo looked like Mario from Nintendo, wonder if his prophecy will still come true? Keep tuning in and find out!

Monday, August 11, 2008

8/08/08

I gots da fever ya’ll ~ Olympic Fever!!!

Friday night after having dinner at Blockheads with my BFF (best fag forever) Jacob we settled in to watching the opening ceremonies; which were REDONKLOUS! $300 million dollars and a cast of 15,000. Work China! Sure you torture, kill and imprison anyone who goes against your goose stepping asses but bitch you can put on a show. All that was missing was a ballroom death drop and they would have had a vogue battle on their hands. I could have done without the children singing in Greek, I’m not sure why children always find some staring role in the Olympics? Who cares?

Really, it’s about finding the strength in yourself when you have nothing left to keep going until you cross the finish line. Sure future athletes begin as children but that’s about as far as it goes. So children of the world take a time out and watch the grown ups play for awhile, you might learn something.

Right before the ceremonies started we were greeted by the main monetary sponsors for the games which cracks me up: Budweiser, Visa & McDonalds. Beer, Debt and Fast Food the three things that are near and dear to most red state Americans!!! Jacob and I could not stop laughing they are the 3 things biggest things that will keep anyone from even being in the Olympics. It just never stops; the corporate strangle hold on EVERYTHING. It’s as pervasive as high fructose corn syrup which is making us all dumber, and fatter than ever.

Plus, I think I remember when the Athletes had to be amateur, now countries are PAYING them to win medals not to mention the almighty Nike and Speedo dollars that roll in and let’s not forget the professional athletes who already make their living in sports. Listen I’m not saying that they shouldn’t, I’m just saying that things have changed. Athletes (some of who I am sure still do) used to struggle to find the time and money to train. Families went without to try and help their daughter or son fulfill their dreams of standing on a podium to hear the National Anthem on the world wide stage.

Now it seems like countries are in Vegas placing bets on the fastest horse, investing in a winner. They are paying athletes to flip countries to stack their odds; it feels a lot like off tracking betting. Tarnishing the spirit of the ideal that the world stops and puts aside everything else to watch these Olympians call upon their bodies to reach farther, run faster, jump higher and to test the limits of what a human can do. Only to watching Michael Phelps’ Sprint commercial right after he wins another Gold medal kind of takes the pride out of it.

Listen most of them have a time cap on how long they can even compete in their sport, I understand that cashing in during that time is important but I’d rather NOT know about it. Like my denial about high fructose corn syrup, I’d rather not see the painted on endorsement tats on volleyball players or well places logos. Can’t these companies just fund programs that help assist athletes and be happy with the good karma and healthy people they are putting out in the world? Of yeah I forgot corporations don’t believe in karma or healthy humans they believe in the bottom line and remind us to Enjoy Coke.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Brandy is Friday on Thursday.

I’m taking tomorrow off so I won't be able to post my Friday picture on Friday: I like to blog at work to help keep my mind off the fact that I am at work. So kids you get the picture one day early. I decided I deserved a vacation day, coupled with the fact that I partied hard last night, thank you Valerie!! And tonight it's off to Queens to play with Julia, Madeleine & Sarah (a dear friend of theirs from Chicago, who’s here for the Del Close Marathon!!! Let's hear it for the Improv Nation) Plus others who satellite around our friend filled universe. But there does seem to be a focus on me meeting Ms. Sarah. I feel a funny-off in the works. Which thrills me to no end, I love playing, “I'll see that funny and raise you a chortle.” Hours of fun, food, drink and other treats a wait so a vacation day was definitely in order to hasten recovery and reflect on the State of my Union, which is in desperate need of a surge of “Happy Days” in this recession filled climate.

Christ is this what the 70’s were like? No wonder everyone was high and swinging: Waiting in lines at the pump for gas, overpriced food and a feeling of being completely powerless as the country crumbles, sucks. At least this is what I am feeling, could we get to the bouncing back part a little quicker, this election will dictate the economy for sure so let’s hope we ALL make the right choice…..

Obama you Republican f*cktards (my new favorite curse word) is the only ray of sunshine please, please, please bring back those halcyon days of Clinton in the White House. The worst thing that happened was he got a BJ and that’s all we heard about for months. Remember the unending Lewinsky jokes, in fact Jay Leno still throws one in every now and then….hasten thee May 2009 so NBC can retire the chin and bring Conan to the us at a reasonable hour. Now there’s a thought Obama/ O'Brien ’09!!! Now that’s a ticket! Black and Irish the Wasps would just die! We’d be the coolest country in the world again instead of the oil guzzling war monger that makes me embarrassed and less patriotic everyday.

I read an article on the latest production of HAIR that’s currently running in Central Park. They talked to a bunch of people who had seen the original and had come back to maybe relive there Aquarian Summer. This particular exchange about the relevance of the show now in respects to Viet Nam and Iraq wars, really got me thinking:

“In some ways it was very uplifting and in some ways very depressing,” Mr. Darrell Friedman said of the evening’s performance in Central Park, because now there are no protesters in the streets. Gail Furman, who also saw the original, shared his sentiments. “I actually was crying as I was sitting there,” she said. “I was thinking of the young men and women dying in Iraq, and no one is saying anything.”

The government and the media in my mind have kept us from really caring. Remember they used to talk about the soldiers that got killed on the Today Show every morning, talking with their families, who shared their love for their sons and daughters making them tangible REAL people. Now all we get is the ever increasing number. No footage of the bodies coming home, they’ve insulated us from the reality. Pain at the pump is the only thing that people seem to feel. It all just feeds into the powerlessness of not being in control of OUR country. It is ours you know. Not the Republicans not the Democrats, its WE THE PEOPLE, not WE THE PARTY. We used to dump tea and rise up against imperialism. Now it’s come home to roost and we’re making a bloody mess. Ugh, well I’ve run off on a tangent of ten dollar words and ideas.

But that’s why I’m taking tomorrow off….Have a good weekend ya’ll!!
HERE'S FRIDAY ON THURSDAY'S PICTURE OF THE WEEK

In a perfect world can't we just all get along....and saving the planet wouldn't hurt either.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

OBSESSED!!


Finally a pop song about kissing girls that I can work out to. Katy Perry is on the rise with her hit, “I kissed a girl and I liked it…” Well that makes two of us. I first saw her on The View of all places. I almost fast forwarded through her performance thinking she was just some new Mandy/Jessica, crap ball. But frankly she was cute in that 40’s pin up girl fashion and kind of looks like Zoey Deschanel, another odd beauty.

What struck me most is how The View ladies reacted to the song. After, they were all giddy (i.e. Sherri & Hasselbutt) they were all lit up inside and dancing and singing the words, then Whoopi outta nowhere walked over and kissed Katy. Just a peck on the lips, then mouthed the word, “I liked it.” I believe lesbionics is poised to take over the world!!!

Finally. See all we needed was the right pop song (t.A.T.u does NOT count) because all we’ve had for years is Melissa screaming about some window and the Indigo Girls who are so 1989.

Obsession takes me “buy” storm I bought the album and the ring tone. So all you ladies who I know, who have kissed a girl, those who dabble and eventually will dabble and most importantly all those I’ve dabbled with, you know what your ring tone is because you know you liked it!!!

Monday, August 4, 2008

TEST: The Musical

The Fringe Festival is starting this weekend. As part of my new "producer" duties I am to attend some shows and get a feel if there is anything "good" out there brewing on the theatre fringe of NYC. However, this is making me stressed. The "guide" to the Fringe and its bounty of shows is a BEAST! I have been instructed by Mr. Bway that I am allowed to attend 5 shows at his expense. And I quote this will be a, "Good chance to test your reasoning/instincts."

I feel sick how am I supposed to use my instincts and decipher what random shows will be good from tiny blurbs in a catalog as thick as my thumb. Especially since the only show that really jumps out at me is: GEM! A Truly Outrageous Parody. Am I a gay man or what?? Clearly my instincts skew gay with jazz hands and glitter.

Ok, I can be objective and I have been in and around theatre almost as long as I've been in Catholic Churches around the world. Shaking Catholicism isn't as easy as it looks people. Those nuns don't like to lose a single girl in saddle shoes and black watch to the East Village.

Like in art I don't know what's good, but I know what I like. I have a serious mind when reviewing shows (staring with or without friends) so I think it’s just picking the right 5. I’m playing Russian roulette for low budget artists with a script and a dream. For the most part I know what Mr. Bway wants and is interested in cultivating. Unfortunately I’m not sure that is exactly what the Fringe has to offer.

Needless to say I hate “tests” I was never a good tester. Story teller, yes, comedian, yes, eternal pan, yes, test taker NO! Just thinking about scan-tron sheets and bubbles gives me cold sweats and hives. I do have a fondness for #2 pencils, but that’s unrelated really.

If any readers of my fair and fine blog have any suggestions I am open. Help me sift through the pages of mediocre shelf indulgence and help me find the GEM (pun totally intended) in the muck.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Next Stop Apocalypse


This weeks Friday picture has the tri-state area in a tizzy. The corpse of a bizarre-looking creature with a dinosaur beak washed up on a Long Island shore this week. When I first saw it my cube mate Louisa Solomon was like, “guys come look at this, we’ve got monsters on the beach,” all of us were like WTF? To me it looks like a baby griffon that never got it’s wings, we also discussed that it was more than likely a sea turtle without it’s shell.

The fact that Gawker.com is reporting that there is a possible government animal testing facility very close by wouldn’t surprise me either. Bush is probably planning the drop the military attack creatures on Iraq before he leaves office. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles could be a plausible exit strategy, right?

Whatever it is, I feel sorry for it. Hopefully, they aren’t splicing and dicing animals in a lab somewhere, or people for that matter. Hopefully, it is a sea turtle that lost his home and couldn’t survive without its protection. Hopefully, they won't turn it into the Loch Ness of Long Island and start charging admission, but they probably will….God Bless America!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

FREAKING OUT!!!

The past few weeks I have been taking baby steps towards becoming a Broadway Producer. I know what your thinking, “WTF??” Well with the help on my dear friend Jacob Toth, he and I are spearheading a Broadway Dance Project (title still in the works) that is about to get off the ground. Mr. Bway, as I have nicknamed him, seems to have full faith in us and so needless to say I feel nauseous and completely overwhelmed. But hey doesn’t every creative person who is trying to put their dream up on a stage just want to die inside. Ok, maybe not die, but it is a little stressful considering I am walking and talking like a grown up with clout and buckets of knowledge about theatre, dance and female theories regarding their notion of what is “erotic”. Did I mention I’m nauseous?

I am trying to remember my halcyon days at The Really Useful Company, before Lord Andrew Lloyd Webbers fall from sweeping epic Broadway producer to reality show host monkey. That first day when I walked into the offices at Rockefeller Center surrounded by Hirschfield’s in the lobby I thought that everyone who rushed past was where I wanted to be. Taking calls from the Shubert’s and yelling at some vendor who hadn’t delivered the new wigs to the Majestic Theatre. I was in heaven, trying to absorb every little thing as if it were going to help me somehow in my “staring” role in showbiz. It seemed simple. I had gotten to that point within a year out of school. Then after three years of being at the “top” suddenly the reality wasn’t the dream anymore. Nothing new was being considered. Nothing bold, no risk, nothing that didn’t have ALW finger prints all over it came across productions desk. I mean how many times can you do Joseph on Broadway? So I left.

I thought I would make money at a survival job that would let me be funny and that would get me were I wanted to be. It’s been great and continues to be so, but now through the magic of a playbill.com job listing here I am back in the game. Only this time I am trying to create something outta nothing. Trying to find that next great choreographer whose vision will take us somewhere we might never have thought about. Plus, it has to be all female. No boys allowed. Could you just die? A project for female choreographers with Broadway possibilities and I’m in charge, sort of.

Yup, I feel nauseous.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Mad Men Season 2

Well it’s finally here, my boys and girls of summer are back and swinging it ‘60s style. So in a celebratory romp my Mad Men partner in crime Madeleine Maby joined me at the magic tree house for the last four episodes of Season One and the premiere of Season Two. I made themed hor’dourves saltine crackers with sharp cheddar with a pan fried pepperoni on top. Then for dinner we had steak (bloody of course), twice baked potatoes and sautéed mushrooms washing it all down with Mr. Jack Daniels. When we do it old school we do it right folks.

I love watching TV with someone who, like myself talks back to it in response to what might be happening. Ms. Maby and I need our own MST3K show it would be a smash as long as the 3 of us (Madeleine, Jack & I) were in attendance. Plus with the invention of DVR we could pause and have discussions (aka shots) or rewind to review if from our yammering we missed some tid bit. Trust me tids and bits were missed….

Also, I would like to take this moment to profess my undying love and unrequited yearning for one Miss Joan Holloway. Oh Joanie, if you weren’t so busy screwing the boss, who after two heart attacks left you worried and broken only to returned to work to tell you that, “you’re the best piece of ass I’ve ever had” if that boorish brute didn’t make you want to jump the straight train nothing will. So I must love you from afar, far, far, afar. (She’s the majestic red head in the middle, le sigh)


In true ‘60s fashion Ms. Maby and I about killed the Jack, which resulted in a mild, “gee I don’t wanna go to work today,” thought when my cruel alarm went off. Overcoming I pushed on and now am bright eyed and bushy tailed (a shout out to Beatrix Potter – Happy 142 Bday) as I sit in my cube. This season will surely delve deeper into the mysteries of what’s wrong with our parents and how they got that way. It’s like a time capsule of dysfunction and “oh my god he didn’t just say that!” If you aren’t watching start, the first season is On Demand so get in there and catch up it’s so worth it and you’ll save tons on therapy. Mad Men will do nicely until my Dexter comes back to me….pssst Dex get a move on, I miss you & your bloody fun!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Friday's Picture of the Week!!


My picture of the week is of my boo, Kayla. For those of you that don’t know her, Kayla is my best girl. My sister got her at a flea market in Santa Barbara, CA. and I was lucky enough to get her after my sister realized that Foxy her best girl was NOT having Kayla, at all. She makes everyday just a little brighter, she loves me no matter what….even if I get drunk on a Friday night and can’t walk her till 4pm Saturday afternoon she still loves me….So this Friday is for you Miss Kayla!! Momma will be home soon!! MWAH!

Jury Duty

If you stay in one place too long they find you. Big brother (i.e. the Government) tracks you down, especially if you vote, and summons you to Jury Duty. Since turning 18 I have managed to be nomadic enough to evade such a summons. Pulling a quick step from Williamsburg to Manhattan bought me 6 years of hiding, then I settled into my magic tree house, and it was only a matter of time before said summons would be lurking in my mailbox. It didn’t help much that I also finally got my NY State Drivers License. So much for that 3 month grace period…what? My Fla. one didn’t expire till 2008 and I saw no need to waste a perfectly horrible picture of myself just to exchange it for another.

However, I was excited about going to Jury Duty, at least excited about getting out of work for at least a day (which turned into 2) thank you county municipal civil court. I had never been to the court house, and when I walked through the door I thought for sure I would heard, “BONG-BONG” and Sam Waterston would greet me with a hand shake and an ice coffee. Needless to say that doesn’t happen but you do get to watch a lame ass video hosted by the late Ed Bradley and Diana Sawyer (which I already knew from seeing the SATC episode when Carrie had jury duty). See art does imitate life or at least cable TV.

The building smelled of hospital and red tape. Getting through security was pleasant enough and finding the “Jury Holding Room” was a breeze but the waiting is the killer. You sit there with strangers looking around at all the plastic plants and praying that no one will actually have the balls to sit right next to you. The rooms are connected by a staircase that vivisects the building. In my mind making the rooms seem like the male scrotum. (sitting alone for hours without someone to talk to isn’t the best for my imagination) We sat their like sperm just waiting to get our shot at being on a selection panel. Suddenly, I feel like there should be a Family Guy cut away to my descriptive scenario, but this is a blog and Seth MacFarlane has yet to return my calls, so let’s get on with it.

I didn’t get picked to do anything the first day. No panel, no nothing it kind of felt like the Justice System didn’t think I was good at kick ball or maybe was just saving me to go in late in the game to score the winning touch down. I prefer the latter. I hate being late, and I hate being in trouble so needless to say I was up the past two days at the crack of ass because if I was late and in trouble with the government I would just die. Late comers obviously pissed me and my neurosis off to no end. Especially the last guy who showed at 10:30 (call time 8:45am) he would so be fired from my movie, “Brandy’s Adventures at 60 Centre Street,” what an asshat, god I wanted to make a citizens arrest.

Yet the second day I just knew I would be called and sure enough the monotone clerk whose soul has long been dead called, “Mariea Rowell,” to my surprise he said it correctly!! I was intent on some variation of my name but god love him he said it perfectly as if he had known me all his life. I gathered my things and went to Jury Selection Room C.

We sat there waiting for the attorneys who would then ask us questions about if we felt we could be fair in this particular case, etc… etc…they repeated the same thing over and over as they approached each of us. Of course by the time they got to me I was ready. The fat, balding, jolly attorney got to me and as he had with every other prospective jury he asked me, “how are you this morning,” that is when I channeled my best Paul Lynde and said, “FAN-TAST-IC, how are you big boy?” the room lost it’s collective mind laughing and probably startled most of them out of their government induced coma. The lawyers laughed and as he looked back down at my questionnaire he saw, “STAND-UP COMIC,” nudging his adversary they nodding together and he moved to the next Juror.

Obviously I was NOT selected to sit on the jury. For whatever reason I got out of it, thanks to my bold and ridiculous personality, I thank you mother & father for making me the smartass I am today, I couldn’t have done it with out you!!

See you in six years!!!
BONG-BONG