Defining love...

I was asked tonight in a gay bar to define what my idea of love was...what I think is fitting is that it can be defined for me in a Barbra Streisand song from, "On A Clear Day You Can See Forever..."

My dearest love who existed in a dream
Till this evening when a wave came and swept me out to sea
None of the loves that you have known
Could prepare you for the love raging everywhere in me
For all the arms that have covered you the hands

That have touched you and the lips
You have lingered on before
Added together would be less than an olive
In the banquet of love I have in store
Love season to entice
Love with all the trimmings filled with spice
Love flavored to your whim
Served piping hot with all the trimmings...Ooo...
For I'll decode every breath and every sigh
Till your every lover's wish
Is fulfilled before it's made
Toss in some jealousy and doubt
Should it be required
Not to rest till there's nothing more desired
Thus loving as I do
Never, never will you ever be untrue
Having love with all the trimmings
Waiting home for you...

That's what love is to me. What is it to you?

PASSOVER aka SPRING BREAK!

It's that time of year again when the angel of death claims the first born and the sorority girls mating call, "I'm so drunk!" can be heard from coast to coast.

Luckily I work for the chosen people and double dip into the spring holidays. This year on tap is two days of Spring Cleaning. It's going to be raining in NYC till Weds so why not dust and chuck the Chametz outta the tree house.

Then provided there is sun I will take the bike out to Central Park and see if I can't make it around the urban oasis. Dead man's peak scares the sh*t out of me, but I will chug up as far as I can and then with great humility push Black Beauty (my bike) up the rest of the way. Baby steps, people, baby steps back to the Brandy with a Y circa 2006!!

Then possibly if I can find a sitter for Kayla, I might go up to CT and visit Laura Beth. She's up in exile rehearsing The Who's Tommy with no car, clearly stir crazy comes to mind but reinforcements are on the way, Mike is going up this weekend to scout with me following early next week. We'll see what I can work out.

I have a lot of odds and ends to get done and must focus because work is kicking into high gear and after Passover all bets are off until the campaign closes....Summer can't come fast enough.

Lost Drunken Blog...

Every now and then I am inspired by the "spirits" that moved Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Joyce & Parker. I usually don't publish those imbibed blogs, but after reviewing a few this one struck me as a lesson learned. Do for you is my new mantra and it is causing great change in me. Painful, wonderful change that may take me where I finally want to go and be who I want to be, scratch that, who I am.


In a Split second...

It only took a second for me to see the truth. Funny how truth and personal reality are rarely in the same time zone? Walking into a bar and turning a corner is all it took for me to see what I hoped wasn’t there at all. However, there it was mocking me, the love that was nothing but a myth in my mind. She sparkled in his presence. I didn’t need to hear what they were saying I saw her eyes, she loves him. Blink. That quick and it was over.

She saw me, waving as if I didn’t plainly see them at the bar. I forced a smile and a hardy hello, she making a space for me before we decided to move to a table. I then decided to lose myself in the attractive red head accompanying us on what I like to call, awkward cocktails. Not sure why I even went.

It wasn’t a bad night. Not really…

In fact if anything the universe is more persistent in smacking sense into me than I am. So every time my mind wanders to Narnia I can recall the sting of that split second smack I got back in the bar. A dose of sense, of reason & of truth, which seem to cure my endless ability to live only in my head.

Yet, I fear my heart is lost in the White Witch’s castle where it is always winter but never Christmas. Unlike Edmund I don’t enjoy the Turkish delight at all. Where the hell is Aslan when you need him?

Love Poem?

Love is patient, love is kind.
Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud.
Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not become angry easily.
Love does not remember wrongs done against it.
Love is not happy with evil, but is happy with truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails, unless you marry the wrong person.
Beware young lovers, beware….

Wordology.....

Sever + Seriously = Severiously

Todd severiously forgot to pay his taxes for six years.

SHOWS SHOWS SHOWS

This weekend I saw two hilarious shows. The first was Stuffed and Unstrung the "dirty" puppet show at Union Square Theatre featuring the work of Brian Henson and his rowdy bunch of amazing improvisational puppeteers!

Laugh till your face hurts, pee your pants funny!!! I recommend this show to everyone over 18...plus the show will always be different because they take suggestions from the audience. It's truly genius and makes me wonder why I didn't think of spending my life with my hand up a puppet!!
PUPPET UP! PEOPLE!!! http://stuffedandunstrung.com

The second was Garfunkel & Oats Saturday night at Comix. A female musical comedy duo that is so talented it makes my head hurt. Their songs are more than just funny. They are smart and stupid and make you wanna take up the ukulele. Check out their videos on you tube you won't be disappointed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXPcBI4CJc8

Finally, I ran lights and sound for the last Mr. A's Amazing Maze Play presented by the Ateh Sunday afternoon. I love that play. I love the people in that play. I love the theatre, note to self must do more, makes soul happy. Soul needs to be happy.

On the ticket for this week is The Soup Show!! Can't wait, naked ladies in a tub revealing more than just skin!!! The Cradle Will Rock!!

Powerball....

Someone won my $200 million dollar jackpot this week. How rude!!!!!

Wordology.....

Begin + Handle = Begandle

Origin – most believe it is extracted from an Alanis Morissette song but this can not be confirmed or denied.

I can’t even begandle what Joanne did to her hair.

then comes marriage...

If my middle name and Seth MacFarlane's middle name got married we'd be.....Marsden Woodbury.

Hotness. I'd totally date that babe or dude? hmmmm.....

Crumpled Dreams

You gotta be in it to win it.....but you probably won't. All you need is a dollar and a dream....these dreams are trash now but there's always another drawing right around the corner.

Dear Hallmark,

It saddens me that parents today must be reminded to encourage and support their children with your overpriced trinkets and cards. Back in the day all my mother needed was some lined paper and a pen to let me know how special I was, that all my dreams were possible, and that I too could conquer long division & sentence diagramming.

Children don't need bright colored paper to feel loved, or plastic buttons with sassy hamster sayings, not to mention "fill in the blank" cards where the parent only need to think briefly over the attributes their seed might have instead of coming up with their own words of praise.

Your interactive tips section and quintessential kid quiz on your website make me want to vomit. Prompts for brain dead parents make me wonder if they should have reproduced at all; especially if they can't think for themselves enough to channel their feelings for their children in a creative way. What's next an "app" for potty training, story telling and hugging so you won't have to interrupt your busy routine or cancel a pilates class?

Parents of the world if you buy this crap it will eventually wind up in a landfill. You do yourselves and your children a great disservice if you can’t even find the time or energy to get to know your kids. You are raising the future, give them a little piece of you and save your money and probably your children will think twice before putting you into a nursing home.
.

Cute but not necessary...

I'm sorry but if I was at the OSCARS you would not have to remind me to SMILE. My perma-grin would stretch wider than Bruce Vilanch's t-shirt collection laid end to end. My drool would be all over the red carpet. Or my nerves would kick in & I would stop breathing collapsing into a puddle of OMG!!!

Wordology.....

My friends and I have busted free of the confines of Websters Dictionary. Skimming along the lines of the Urban Dictionary we too have come up with and use words particular to our own social circles.

I have decided to share these with my readers as a way of spreading the good news of our vernacular conquests. Spice up your vocabulary and try them out.

Sneaky + Tricky = Snicky

Brenda has been snicky ever since puberty.

Beware Vicious Dog!

Is this the face of a vicious dog?

I hate people. Not all people, but people who are asshats and say stupid things to save face over their own ignorance.

Setting: I'm walking Kayla last night around the block for her evening constitutional. We are moving at a good pace when I see a black SUV stop in front of one of the many luxury high rise apartment buildings in my neighborhood.

The family starts to get out of the car, the doorman rushes to assist with bundles and open the rear car door. Kayla and I are casually walking past when a child bursts out of the car and startles Kayla, who "growls under her breath, not a bark, no teeth are bared she just let out a canine, "what the f#&k! geez you scared the shit out of me."

The "father" yells, “watch out” to the child in question, the mother & doorman all pipe in as if Old Yeller has sprung forth to murder Arliss Coates in his sleep...for f#&k sake we are just walking by....

Ignoring these breeders and their overreacting display of protective parenting we move on, when I hear from behind me the "father" remark, "Vicious dog." Out loud I say, "Vicious dog, how about vicious child?" A fellow dog walker is coming towards me and she laughs at my retort. I look at her and say, "Their kid jumps out of the car scaring my dog, and that makes her vicious." She shakes her head in understanding and disgust.

My suggestion SUV Family, find a child whisperer and keep the little ‘tard on a leash, he’s clearly dangerous and prone to fits of uncontrollable physical displays…..Vicious dog indeed.

Strangers in Similarities

The more I listen to SMODcast the more I realize that Kevin Smith and I are more the same than we are different. Both of us are too fat to fly, both completely obsessed with film and what that means to us as audience members and writers. Both of us are still trying to figure out our origin stories. We both have incredible weakness for beautiful, funny, smart ass women that when they smile or laugh with us we WIN!! Geography seems to be the one big difference; he’s a Jersey boy and I’m a Southern girl. I mean that and he talks about his penis A LOT and I rarely mention my Vajayjay.

Recently I listened to his two SMODcasts which he recorded with his Mom (Grace). I learned that both our Dad’s were postmen, both of them loved to travel and with the help of extremely Catholic wives built a home where the children grew and prospered. Both ultimately leaving organized religion to the vultures of politics, extremists and pedifiles.We both had Uncle Mike’s, and loved one set of grand parents and hated the other. His mother and me were both adopted through Catholic Charities and had similar family falling outs over blood vs. water.

What really got me though was the way he made his mother laugh, especially after getting her high on some “baked” goods. It made me think of the time I came home from my first attempt to move to New York. My best friend from college was home as well and her parents put together a soup night for all of us to get together and hear me tell my tall tales of the big city. Well I went off!! It was the first time I think I performed stand up. They all were laughing so hard. You know that laugh were you almost can’t breathe and your face starts to hurt. When I heard that sound I remembered Mom's face, and that through the hysterical tears I saw her beam with pride. She didn’t live to see me do stand-up, but she knew I had some of their story telling magic, how I was going to use it was still a mystery.

Even Kevin’s delivery sounds like me telling a story…it’s freaking me out a little bit. How he swoops in before she can catch her breath and hits her again with something louder an even more outrageous. I’m totally jealous that Kevin gets to record this oral history with his Mom. I’d give anything to have Doyle & Mariea over to the treehouse to record a Work in Progress. Hahahaha!! Lord knows my father could tell hilarious stories and my mother’s dry wit could cut your funny bone in half.

There are so many holes in my memory that it would be great to be reminded of all that I’ve forgotten. All those crazy family trips, and near death experiences, pets through the decades, dead relatives, the crazy crap my mother wouldn’t through away etc…So thank you Kevin, thank you for sharing your family with me, it made me feel closer to what my life was before the treehouse years.

Time heals all wounds?

The baby leg is now officially 3 years old. After countless bloody socks, some eaten by Kayla, some not, I am proud to say that this was the BIGGEST mistake of my life. Not only does the small pin sized hole in my heal still leak but my "good" leg and hip are now suffering from the original problem I had in the baby leg. Plus I know exactly when it is going to rain so Janice Huff, give me a call if the Doppler is letting you down.

My secret wish is to win the lotto, buy a car and take Kayla to an amazing spa where they will rub my poor broken muscles and tendons and restore me to my fighting weight. Sitting in an ice bath and doing hours of pilates sounds like heaven right now.