After a full and wonderful Taco Tuesday I headed home to walk the baby girl, my Kayla. She was doing the pee-pee dance and so we made haste for the curb. Only to run into Henry's Mama.
See that is what it is like to own a dog in NYC. You don't know the owners name, you just know them by the name of their dog. She is a middle aged woman, I have talked to her practically every day since the first week I had Kayla.
Kayla never liked Henry, he was a beautiful English Bull Dog who never gave her cause to bark but for some reason Kayla never liked Henry. She made me feel embarrassed because he gave Kayla no cause for concern. She's moody what can I say.
However, tonight I saw Henry's Mama while Kayla and I made our nightly rounds. Henry's Mama stopped me to say that Henry had died. He wasn't sick. She had just taken him to the Vet for a check up and for some reason he started to vomit. Then he choked and died. Poor, beautiful, sweet Henry. He was a good boy and always welcomed me scratching his hind quarters.
An accident, took him away from his Mama. In her reaching out to me in her pain, I realized that our pets give us so much more than we give them. Maybe it's because I am an orphan, but honestly Kayla is my heart. I have no doubt that if it should arise she would fight to the death for me. Her sweet face, her smile, how she picks people to say Hello too. Such an honest, caring soul for someone with out words.
Henry's Mama was so hurt. I didn't know what to say. But what struck me most was the fact that I don't know her name. She is just Henry's Mama. What does that say? I am planning to leave a condolences card for her with her door man. Even in the wake of not knowing her name, I will just leave it for Henry's Mama. I am sure the doorman will know who I mean. Henry was quite a good boy and I will always remember him sitting in the sun with his Mama waiting for a good scratch from a friendly neighbor.
RIP~Henry, I will not forget your smile...and neither will your devote mother.
xox,
b
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Sunday, August 19, 2007
in my stillness....
in my stillness is a purity all it's own. if I want to compare it to something that you can relate too. Go to your bathroom. Fill the tube. Undress. Get in and submerge yourself into it. Wait. Wait for it. Your ear drums will equalize and suddenly you are still.
You are in a world of your own making and the only thing that betrays it is your need to breath. It will come, as sure as time passes over the face of a grandfather you are not related too.
It's an urge, a surge of need. Our bodies betray us and deny us a prolonged visit in the stillness. As if we are not worthy of it's grace. As if we are genetically flawed.
Breathing air. Our only real constant brings you back to the surface away from the quite, away from our minds ramblings, back into the sound of our lives.
I have few vices, but the one thing I wish would last is the stillness in my tub. A world that doesn't judge, there is no one to tell me I can't, the only thing I live by is the rule that will not be denied, that I must breath.
To break the surface tension, to leave the center of my soul, to take nourishment and remember that I am human. Something I will be until I die.
Still again in a box waiting for a breath that will not come.
You are in a world of your own making and the only thing that betrays it is your need to breath. It will come, as sure as time passes over the face of a grandfather you are not related too.
It's an urge, a surge of need. Our bodies betray us and deny us a prolonged visit in the stillness. As if we are not worthy of it's grace. As if we are genetically flawed.
Breathing air. Our only real constant brings you back to the surface away from the quite, away from our minds ramblings, back into the sound of our lives.
I have few vices, but the one thing I wish would last is the stillness in my tub. A world that doesn't judge, there is no one to tell me I can't, the only thing I live by is the rule that will not be denied, that I must breath.
To break the surface tension, to leave the center of my soul, to take nourishment and remember that I am human. Something I will be until I die.
Still again in a box waiting for a breath that will not come.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
holes...
For he past 6 months I have had a hole in my left leg that will not heal. It swells, it bleeds, it oozes, but it doesn't compare to the hole in my heart, or soul really. It's a deficit, a lack of...hmmm good question. I have been trying to be an adult for awhile now. Masquerading as someone who thinks they have the answers but it's all smoke and mirrors. I have a razor sharp tongue and guts full of mush which means, I know where I want to go but don't have the stomach to get there. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Depends on who YOU are.
In spite of my dead relatives I do have a family. One of my own making, people who are AMAZING!!! Fortunately they think I am too. I am constantly surprised by the wealth I have, not in dollars mind you but I have invested in people. A commodity that most Wall Streeters over look. It is people after all that we deal with everyday. I am determined to believe that my wealth lies in how I am perceived.
Weather it be real or illusion. Mind you, I do not play games, I try to be as above board as anyone else however, let it be noted that effort in all things is highly underrated.
If nothing else I am true, blue and unshakable in how I treat said family. What I have is theirs for the asking and I hope this is vice versa. Even if it's not I live by this code and will not waver.
So what is this blog about, am I making a mission statement, am I trying to tell the people in my inner circle that I will be there for them no matter what, am I just trying to be endearing? Someone you can take home to Mom? I think it's D: All of the Above.
If you are lucky enough (and I say that with all humility) to fall into my circle of friends, know this, my love and support is without bounds or limits. If you ask, you will never be denied. This is my pledge and if you hurray you can still buy me a drink at the bar! :-)
In spite of my dead relatives I do have a family. One of my own making, people who are AMAZING!!! Fortunately they think I am too. I am constantly surprised by the wealth I have, not in dollars mind you but I have invested in people. A commodity that most Wall Streeters over look. It is people after all that we deal with everyday. I am determined to believe that my wealth lies in how I am perceived.
Weather it be real or illusion. Mind you, I do not play games, I try to be as above board as anyone else however, let it be noted that effort in all things is highly underrated.
If nothing else I am true, blue and unshakable in how I treat said family. What I have is theirs for the asking and I hope this is vice versa. Even if it's not I live by this code and will not waver.
So what is this blog about, am I making a mission statement, am I trying to tell the people in my inner circle that I will be there for them no matter what, am I just trying to be endearing? Someone you can take home to Mom? I think it's D: All of the Above.
If you are lucky enough (and I say that with all humility) to fall into my circle of friends, know this, my love and support is without bounds or limits. If you ask, you will never be denied. This is my pledge and if you hurray you can still buy me a drink at the bar! :-)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
truth...
I started blogging as a way to vent. I tend to keep things closed off from my friends, and the people I work with, my family or what's left of it. I am a fail and fragile creature not that anyone would know.
I keep up a tough front, as the only "son" born to my father. I have tried to be the perfect child. Only to fall short of their dreams. They loved me I know that, but I wonder, am I who I should be? Who can say, how we tip our hand to the passerby next to us or the "friend" that seems engaged in what is going on in our day today lives.
I like to think that people think well of me. That I am someone that people might treasure in the Pantheon of their lives. Grand thinking for a fat kid. I get glimpses of what I think I mean to people. These quick flutter-bys of information, a kind word, or gesture that might mean more than thanks for the copies....who can say. The human creature tends to tuck away their true feelings for fear of exposure. Or maybe that's just me.
On the up and up, I love too much and say too little about how the people in my life that effect me. I've been through enough therapy to know my patterns, to know my skill set, to know what it is that I want, yet am still paralyzed to obtain it.
Someday I hope as we all do, to be the person we are meant to be, to give all that we can to make society a better place. Wow, maybe I am that bleeding heart liberal my right wing father always warned me about.
Either way, I stand in the wake of loss that would cripple most people. Yet, I still reach for that which seems unreachable. I stand on the shoulders of my ancestors and I wait for the moment that I can be the notion that passes through my mind 13 times a day.
Be brave, be smart, be open to love and it WILL find you...if only it was that easy.
Maybe it's too late, maybe I'm a fool, but I look forward and hope that the love of my parents will watch over me, because in the end that is all that I have.
I keep up a tough front, as the only "son" born to my father. I have tried to be the perfect child. Only to fall short of their dreams. They loved me I know that, but I wonder, am I who I should be? Who can say, how we tip our hand to the passerby next to us or the "friend" that seems engaged in what is going on in our day today lives.
I like to think that people think well of me. That I am someone that people might treasure in the Pantheon of their lives. Grand thinking for a fat kid. I get glimpses of what I think I mean to people. These quick flutter-bys of information, a kind word, or gesture that might mean more than thanks for the copies....who can say. The human creature tends to tuck away their true feelings for fear of exposure. Or maybe that's just me.
On the up and up, I love too much and say too little about how the people in my life that effect me. I've been through enough therapy to know my patterns, to know my skill set, to know what it is that I want, yet am still paralyzed to obtain it.
Someday I hope as we all do, to be the person we are meant to be, to give all that we can to make society a better place. Wow, maybe I am that bleeding heart liberal my right wing father always warned me about.
Either way, I stand in the wake of loss that would cripple most people. Yet, I still reach for that which seems unreachable. I stand on the shoulders of my ancestors and I wait for the moment that I can be the notion that passes through my mind 13 times a day.
Be brave, be smart, be open to love and it WILL find you...if only it was that easy.
Maybe it's too late, maybe I'm a fool, but I look forward and hope that the love of my parents will watch over me, because in the end that is all that I have.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Mad Men...Thursday Night 10pm on AMC!!!
Last night was the 4th episode in my new favorite show…Mad Men.
I can not tell you how amazing this show is, if you aren’t watching it start!! All the episodes are available on demand on the Free Movies On Demand station (if you have Time Warner) and I believe online at amctv.com. Make sure you watch the 25 minute “Making of…” Special it really shows you how deep they are going to make this series a back in time travel piece. The Producers are crazy over accuracy and detail, which I LOVE!!
It takes place in 1960, and follows the lives of a group of Ad Executives at a firm called Sterling Cooper. The CEO is Robert Morse, who played J. Pierpont Finch, in the original production of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying!!! Plus they have two other theatre people in the show John Slattery & Bryan Batt. Batt plays the undercover gay brilliantly, watch for the homo clues!!! Here is the website if I’ve peaked your interest http://media.amctv.com/originals/madmen/
Also, during commercial breaks they give you little factoids about the advertising world followed by a commercial pertaining to said factoid. Soooooo genius I can’t even tell you. As much as I hate being manipulated by the corporate pirates I adore that they are using the show as a platform to launch into commercials. Almost, poking fun at how obvious it really all is, how they come into your home and push their products.
It’s commentary on the generational gaps, then and now, how men behave, the office politics, sexism, adultery, drinking, smoking, racism, anti-Semitism; they don’t hold back at all which so refreshing. Plus, it’s darkly funny, and asks the question, “Have we really changed all that much?” One of the writers says, “No, we just are more polite.”
If you start watching the show, please let me know, I would love to have a water cooler gang to discuss what’s happening, right now it’s just me talking to the television and Kayla (the dog) looking at me like I have lobsters crawling out of my ears!!!
I can not tell you how amazing this show is, if you aren’t watching it start!! All the episodes are available on demand on the Free Movies On Demand station (if you have Time Warner) and I believe online at amctv.com. Make sure you watch the 25 minute “Making of…” Special it really shows you how deep they are going to make this series a back in time travel piece. The Producers are crazy over accuracy and detail, which I LOVE!!
It takes place in 1960, and follows the lives of a group of Ad Executives at a firm called Sterling Cooper. The CEO is Robert Morse, who played J. Pierpont Finch, in the original production of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying!!! Plus they have two other theatre people in the show John Slattery & Bryan Batt. Batt plays the undercover gay brilliantly, watch for the homo clues!!! Here is the website if I’ve peaked your interest http://media.amctv.com/originals/madmen/
Also, during commercial breaks they give you little factoids about the advertising world followed by a commercial pertaining to said factoid. Soooooo genius I can’t even tell you. As much as I hate being manipulated by the corporate pirates I adore that they are using the show as a platform to launch into commercials. Almost, poking fun at how obvious it really all is, how they come into your home and push their products.
It’s commentary on the generational gaps, then and now, how men behave, the office politics, sexism, adultery, drinking, smoking, racism, anti-Semitism; they don’t hold back at all which so refreshing. Plus, it’s darkly funny, and asks the question, “Have we really changed all that much?” One of the writers says, “No, we just are more polite.”
If you start watching the show, please let me know, I would love to have a water cooler gang to discuss what’s happening, right now it’s just me talking to the television and Kayla (the dog) looking at me like I have lobsters crawling out of my ears!!!
Thursday, August 9, 2007
myface....
Recently I joined the facebook nation, and every time I tell someone of my new profile, I slip down Freud’s ally and say, “myface…” instead. Which made me realize that I have TOO MANY PROFILES ONLNE!!!
We run around the internet slapping our faces all over the place and yet we don’t even talk to the people that live next door. Multiple lists of our favorite things, music we like, movies we love all in some vein effort to get people to notice us through fiber optics. I can’t take it anymore. I am craving interaction with live people, not your Simpsonized self or your Wee Me!! You, actual you in the flesh with all your flaws and secretions.
Plus, if you haven’t noticed all these profiles are an infinite series on how to spy on your friends and family. The aforementioned facebook book gives you a running feed of who is doing what to whom and when they do it!!!
We have become our own Big Brother. Everyone is watching and looking at pictures of friends and their friends and friends of their friends. I am not sure I need all of that information in my young and sensitive mind. I joke that I am going to start a website called, myface…which will sort of be like The Onion, the twisted version of profile truth and its role in the media.
So make sure you get on the band wagon early and tell all your friendsters, facebookers, and myspace buddies that there’s a new kid in town. myface…the sight where you can use any face that isn’t your own!!!
We run around the internet slapping our faces all over the place and yet we don’t even talk to the people that live next door. Multiple lists of our favorite things, music we like, movies we love all in some vein effort to get people to notice us through fiber optics. I can’t take it anymore. I am craving interaction with live people, not your Simpsonized self or your Wee Me!! You, actual you in the flesh with all your flaws and secretions.
Plus, if you haven’t noticed all these profiles are an infinite series on how to spy on your friends and family. The aforementioned facebook book gives you a running feed of who is doing what to whom and when they do it!!!
We have become our own Big Brother. Everyone is watching and looking at pictures of friends and their friends and friends of their friends. I am not sure I need all of that information in my young and sensitive mind. I joke that I am going to start a website called, myface…which will sort of be like The Onion, the twisted version of profile truth and its role in the media.
So make sure you get on the band wagon early and tell all your friendsters, facebookers, and myspace buddies that there’s a new kid in town. myface…the sight where you can use any face that isn’t your own!!!
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Barbara Wa~Wa!!! Time to Go!!!!
Is it me, but ever since Rosie left The View and Barbara Walters has had to show up everyday to be the backbone of TV "morality" (a term I am not sure is the right thing to say here nonetheless) she seems to be lost in her own mind. I am not saying she is doing drugs, or is drunk, I just think that BW is NOT all there anymore. She rambles herself into corners with no exit. Her puns, quips and attempts at humor fall flat like flapjacks in January!!!
I have a lot of respect for her career that seems to span 4 generations, however the daily toll on The View without the buffer of Meredith or Rosie has put a spotlight on the seemingly feeble minded Walters.
Maybe she isn't getting enough protein? Maybe she is not sure how to be anymore, I mean after interviewing practically every major Hollywood star and every head of state on the globe how in the world can she regress into Restless Leg Syndrome???
I remember when I was so enraged by Debbie "The Greek" that I wrote a few "hate" emails objecting to her "view" as the one that was supposed to represent me from my generation. I am not saying that my words prompted her demise however, I don't believe I was alone.
So now as I look into the Whoopi flavored future I wonder? Will she bring Hot Topics to a warm boil? I think not not!! Whoopi herself is a hot topic, just because you swap out comics doesn't mean you are going to suddenly be the breast milk of the masses.
I look forward to what The View will become...the topics, the fights, the humor which undoubtedly be at Elisabeth's expense due to her narrow corridor of views on major issues.
Oh, BW may think the tussles are over but watch out Babs, Whoopi has a forked tongue and there will be NO sacred cows!!! Regardless of what's in her contract!!!
Good luck and g*d bless!!!
I have a lot of respect for her career that seems to span 4 generations, however the daily toll on The View without the buffer of Meredith or Rosie has put a spotlight on the seemingly feeble minded Walters.
Maybe she isn't getting enough protein? Maybe she is not sure how to be anymore, I mean after interviewing practically every major Hollywood star and every head of state on the globe how in the world can she regress into Restless Leg Syndrome???
I remember when I was so enraged by Debbie "The Greek" that I wrote a few "hate" emails objecting to her "view" as the one that was supposed to represent me from my generation. I am not saying that my words prompted her demise however, I don't believe I was alone.
So now as I look into the Whoopi flavored future I wonder? Will she bring Hot Topics to a warm boil? I think not not!! Whoopi herself is a hot topic, just because you swap out comics doesn't mean you are going to suddenly be the breast milk of the masses.
I look forward to what The View will become...the topics, the fights, the humor which undoubtedly be at Elisabeth's expense due to her narrow corridor of views on major issues.
Oh, BW may think the tussles are over but watch out Babs, Whoopi has a forked tongue and there will be NO sacred cows!!! Regardless of what's in her contract!!!
Good luck and g*d bless!!!
Thursday, August 2, 2007
So surprised...
So I am up watching Jay Leno which I never do, I am more of a Dave person, but Claire Danes is on and I have always had a sweet spot for the Danes. Anyhoo, she is have witty patter with Jay. Then all of a sudden he uncovers that she is an avid Golden Girls fan. Me likey that answer. He asks who is your favorite golden girl. She responds, Betty White, "I went as her for Halloween one year," more points for the scarily thin Danes.
Jay retorts, so if you met Betty White what....before he can finish Danes is like I would just die, I wouldn't know what to say...and yes you guessed it...enter Betty White.
Now Betty has been doing a few spots for Jay recently including a segment of an archer aiming arrows at her face through plexiglass in something called, Will Betty Flinch!!! Freaking HI-Larious!!
This however almost brought me to tears because out comes Betty, Claire can't believe it, they hug, Claire searches for words, Betty presents her with the first 2 seasons of the Golden Girls on DVD. Danes is overcome with nothingness, and in a quite voice Betty says, "Let me get out of your way," Betty White!!!! Excusing herself as if she could ever be a burden on the viewing public EVER!!!
Then she quips with Jay, "I had a chance to have legs like that but I turned them down," Gesturing to said Danes gams. Danes then did repeatedly the I'm not worthy bow a'la Waynes World. AS SHE SHOULD!!! As Mrs. White made her exit!!! A great moment in late night talk as the young guard serves props to the old!!!
BIG POINTS for you Danes and I'll see you on Broadway in Pygmalion!!! Tread lightly Stardust NYC has fangs!!! BRAVA!!!
Jay retorts, so if you met Betty White what....before he can finish Danes is like I would just die, I wouldn't know what to say...and yes you guessed it...enter Betty White.
Now Betty has been doing a few spots for Jay recently including a segment of an archer aiming arrows at her face through plexiglass in something called, Will Betty Flinch!!! Freaking HI-Larious!!
This however almost brought me to tears because out comes Betty, Claire can't believe it, they hug, Claire searches for words, Betty presents her with the first 2 seasons of the Golden Girls on DVD. Danes is overcome with nothingness, and in a quite voice Betty says, "Let me get out of your way," Betty White!!!! Excusing herself as if she could ever be a burden on the viewing public EVER!!!
Then she quips with Jay, "I had a chance to have legs like that but I turned them down," Gesturing to said Danes gams. Danes then did repeatedly the I'm not worthy bow a'la Waynes World. AS SHE SHOULD!!! As Mrs. White made her exit!!! A great moment in late night talk as the young guard serves props to the old!!!
BIG POINTS for you Danes and I'll see you on Broadway in Pygmalion!!! Tread lightly Stardust NYC has fangs!!! BRAVA!!!
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