BLOG #28

I set out to blog everyday for the month of February and this is the last one. Due to birthday celebrations and the fact I didn't have this idea till the 2nd I did double up some days and was blog free on others. Yet here we are at 28 entries and to tell you the truth it was a great exercise and now I feel that there is no reason I shouldn't be writing "something" everyday.

Writing makes me happy. Turning a phrase and finding my way to the end of a full, rich and structurally sound paragraph makes me feel that if read allowed I am seen & understood. That life isn't a question of, "is that all there is?" but a gift to express what it is that makes me, me.

All the foibles and the imperfections, the strengths and the weaknesses, the humor and the pain laid out in simple font for all the world to read. Bringing to life the stories that I want to tell, and giving them a new space outside the void of my teaming mind of unsaid dialogue and unseen landscapes.

So bring on March, she maybe coming in like a lamb but I am looking forward to freeing a lion across the pages.

Adventure Day 2010

For her birthday Julia Moss and I took Madeleine Maby out for an adventure day. Now if you have not been fortunate enough to have an adventure day. Here is a basic definition: a day in which a friend or friends plan your next 24 to 48 hours. Said recipient of the day does not know where you are taking them and what will happen. All details of such a day are confidential amongst the participants of the day. Therefore the following picture is all you get....
beautiful faces up to no good.....

And the winner is.....

Thanks to beautiful friends I might actually be ready for the Oscars this year. We are little more than a week out from the Gay Super Bowl and I can't wait!!! Alec & Steve bring it on, I'm ready to see what silliness you too chuckle heads are gonna pull. My guess is matching Avatar suits in a big musical number with jazz hands. Just an idea....

Packing & Painting...

Wednesday night I was summoned to help finish painting a friends room. As we know I love a task, plus I was rewarded with beer & pizza so all in all a good trade. It seems I have inherited my mothers skill for edging and painting into tiny places without smearing. Details are key in all things and must be paid a steady hand.

Time moves forward but somethings are still the same, when packing the best containers are made by Hefty. I don't think I know a soul who I have helped move that didn't use the time honored tradition of stuffing garbage bags full of clothes before pressing on to the next abode.

Hey if it's not broke don't fix it....

Empathy....

Mine grows stronger with every summer. I really must be turning into my mother.

Never being an emotional child or adolescent I am surprised how quickly I can be moved by the feelings of others or just by Morgan Freedman's voice over’s for Olympic Visa commercials.

When my friends get bad news or are having a hard time it really affects my well being. My suck it up/walk it off attitude is waning. Could it be a mothering instinct that’s kicking in? Horrifying!! Whatever is going on, I hope it makes me a gentler, kinder soul. But really Morgan you gotta stop, my weeping is scaring the dog.

What's in a name?

I've blogged before about how I have so many monikers, legal, nick and other wise. My aunt always thought my stage name should be just Marsden! Like Cher or Madonna but I don't have the gumption or the tits for that bold self aggrandizing proclamation.

So this morning while "fagging" out with a co-worker over the shows we need and or want to see, A Behanding in Spokane came up, we decided my actor name should be Marsden Kazan. I’m just joining the family, why not? I mean I could be some bastard outta Kazan, who knows how far and wide the seed of theatrical genius was spread. Look what Tiger did and he’s just a golfer. (hahaha I almost typed gopher…) My only fear is that it makes me sound like a magician and rhymes to easily with SHAZAM & KABLAM, which may or may not be a good thing to see in Variety.

The BAFTA'S

Are more English than I thought....I was expecting an OSCAR like ceremony but it was more like a quick pint at the pub with your mates only with Manolos and paparazzi.

Everyone was dressed up, but the "production" value was nil. One host, one set, in an Opera House from the 1600’s, tiny little red carpet = no big whoop. Also, most of who won were indeed English. Am I missing something? Are the BAFTA's just a circle jerk for Brits. I mean there are not that many categories and one of them is BEST ENGLISH FILM. There is a FILM NOT IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE category, awkward title to say the least, which is sort of inclusive but really just a tip of the hat to foreigners.

Plus, it's sponsored by Orange Mobile Phones.....which takes a bit of luster off the ha'penny don't ye think? Does Kodak sponsor the Oscars?? Am I too glamoured over by star power that I don't know that our golden boy is also big pimping for corporate pockets?

Hmmmmm....computer says, "I dunno." (Little Britain Bastardization) Overall unimpressive except that Kate Winslet was drop dead gorgeous and something horrible has happened to Rupert Everett’s face. Ho- Hum dear friends from across the sea…..see you in La La Land for the BIG SHOW!!

HI-COO-LICIOUS

A Lazy Sunday.
Recharging my batteries.
Watching the BAFTA'S.

44th Anniversary: Groceries, really groceries???

After leaving work yesterday feeling like crap and thinking all I can successfully do is let people down and fail. I went home and held my Kayla, cried, cried and cried some more. At first I chalked up my over reaction to screwing up an excel spread sheet at work to the fact my "lady time" is due any minute. That it's just the moans giving me the mental menstrual business.

Waking up from a brief cry coma I got up, put on my overalls and walked Kayla who seemed more stressed than me, she's doesn't like it when I get upset, hell neither do I. The fresh air felt good on my tear strained face and I started to push away the idea that putting my head in the oven wouldn't be such a bad idea. Clearly I've read too much Anne Sexton.

I ducked into a corner store to buy a lotto ticket with the lone dollar I knew I had in my wallet. My dollar and a dream fantasy was that I would go into work on Monday and quietly say shabbat shalom and become a financially independent artist living on the Mega Dream Dole. Hahahaha!! As we left I glanced down at the quick pick numbers only to see the date blazing across the pink background.

February 19, 2010.

Today is their anniversary. I had completely forgotten, or had I? Did my body know it needed to cry without my minds conscious acknowledgment. Did my subconscious simply say, "I've got this one", this year. Only the grief came up anyway. Whatever psycho babble you wanna prescribe to it, my life will always feel half full without their love and support. What's that song lyric, "Not a day goes by, not a single day...." Adding on top of that yet another birthday passing and still so much undone and unsaid. I'm surprised I don't cry uncontrollably everyday.

I wear their wedding rings, sometimes together on my left hand, sometimes one on each as if they are my magic guardians protecting me, watching over me...I know they are I just wish it was from the other room and not the other side.

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!!


ps-the traditional gift for your 44th Anniversary is Groceries, I laughed out loud when I looked it up especially because your 43rd is Travel and 45th is Sapphires. Guess I'm off to D'AGS.

ARRIBA ARRIBA SENOIR PRESIDENTE

Presidents Day rivaled my birthday in terms of unmitigated happiness. The kids came over, Julia, Anthony & Laura Beth. We watched Archer & tried to watch True Blood but HBO took season two off the on-demand...BASTARDS!!

We laughed and drank margaritas. I made three kinds of tacos!!! Needless to say we all said a mighty thank you to the former Presidents who were born and gave us this cube free holiday. More importantly the day was Taco-licious

Too soon...

I squeezed into a pair of jeans this morning that I haven't worn in a while and I don't think there is any blood going to my legs. Should I call 911 or What Not to Wear?

What did you see today?

There's a grow house on Lexington & 58th street



.....it's GENIUS!

Leaving the Matrix

I've been talking about it for awhile. Threatening to do it. Negotiating options, but finally I have come down to the nitty-gritty. If I am to reach my full potential I must sever ties with the beast, the matrix of the all consuming media tit. I am cutting the cord and going rogue. NO MORE CABLE!!!!

That's right, people I'm letting go of all the comforts of DVR, ON-Demand, & Start Over.
My name is Brandy (Brandy with a Y) Rowell and I'm a media/entertainment addict.

Now, not an addict in a tabloid, reality TV way, but in an Ovation, AMC, TCM, IFC, Sundance, Starz Network, FX, USA, Syfy, HBO, SHOWTIME kinda way. There is some amazing programming out there and I have found ALL of it. Leaving me little time to craft comedy, finish scripts or frankly read. I started doing a joke that I don't read and Oprah can't make me. But the real truth is I love to read, only the talking box with the pretty lights is TOO much for me and my MTV attention span. Books just don't have the jazz hands they used to and frankly neither do I.

So I am conducting an experiment of sorts. On Feb 26th I am returning all my Time Warner equipment, breaking free of my fiber optic bondage and kicking my $174 a month habit cold turkey. Let's see if my career gets a boost and my brain reengages with actual life.

SNOWBOARDING!!!!

Who knew I would fall head over heels for Snowboarding this Olympic season!! I don't know if I like the halfpipe or the snowboard cross better. Probably the snowboard cross, because I think all that spinning in the air would just make me vomit. However catching air like that must be a thrill, I could probably handle straight airs they seem basic enough and everyone knows how I love to strike a pose. lol.

I never had any inclination to try skiing, as a kid I loved ice skating, and sledding but the idea of skiing was too X-treme!! lol! Then poor Natasha Richards had her accident and I was HELLS TO THE NO, skiing will not be happening unless I'm wrapped in bubble wrap. Yet that flying monkey sport is rocking my jelly. Something about snowboarding has captured my imagination, or my peter pan syndrome to stay forever young, maybe it's because I always wanted to learn how to surf but hate salt water, sand & shark attacks.

Plus who doesn’t love a sport with nicknames and killer uniforms, Ralph Lauren working the plaid and baggy airborne jeans!!! Love it!

I think it's officially going on the bucket list. Yup...there is goes right on the list!!

Rejection....

I am continually surprised by my overwhelming feelings of rejection. The slightest thing can trigger it. When it happens I feel empty, and free of any value. It's a knee jerk reaction to simple things like someone NOT sitting next to me on the bus or when a co-worker decides NOT to ask for my help but does something for themselves. Thank god for therapy, or I'd take all that small stuff personally, and eat my way through Food Emporium. HA!

Behind in my Blogging!!

My February goal of a blog a day has fallen behind due to massive birthday celebration!! Which was amazing but one must focus on one's goals if one is to achieve emancipation from one's cube.....get ready, get set, blog!!

Seconds please....

Clearly from my blog you can tell that my favorite thing to do is make dinner and eat with friends. Nothing says love like gathering the members of your tribe around a hearth and feeding them yummy goodness.

On occasion, as of late, I am the one gathering and not so much cooking. A couple of weeks ago I journeyed uptown to have salad and dessert with the “Harlemettes”. I’ve decided that is Kathryn & Katie’s new combined nickname since they live way up on 140th and god knows where….

Now, I know salad and dessert doesn’t sound like a feast. But dear reader you are wrong. I have never had such a salad and I pray in earnest that it will pass by my palate again some day. Roasted Russian fingerling potatoes, chanterelle mushrooms, a duck egg, and the freshest anchovies & sardines I've ever tasted are just the highlights of this culinary master peace constructed by Kathryn the Great!

She went to Whole Foods and cleaned them out of every green imaginable then doused the stately garden of greenery love with a dressing made of white truffle oil and magic!!

I could eat this salad everyday for the rest of my life it was so good.

Then just as I thought I’d washed down the last morsel with a bouncy Riesling, out came the fat free, gluten free, sugar free, basically made of air and fairy dust sundae. Roasted nuts, fresh berries some crazy sauce with two kinds of the aforementioned “free” ice cream/sorbet…

Well I don’t need to tell you I made sweet love to it.

Now most of you know I am allergic to cats. I love them but they don’t love me or my nasal passages so of course where do the kitties need to nap???…..on my coat. I can't be mad, because they are so damn cute.



What? I believe my mother fed you, so I'm gonna lick my bits on your coat you silly mortal.

YUM!!

This is my first Birthday treat....ok so I know the points probably don't make it worth it but it's my birthday and I came to work in spite of the snow so I deserve a red velvet cup cake for breakfast!!! (please note my technique - one should always pull the cake bottom off and set it on top to avoid icing in ones nose!!!) soooo good!!

3 Days!!

Until my Bingo Birthday and the excitement is kicking in....I love my birthday. Some people hate theirs, or dread another year passing but for me it's a celebration that I am still here!!! After a life turning out not as one had expected and surviving all the crap that comes my way during a year, my day is just that my day! To be with the people I want, do the things that make me happy and more than likely drink until the pink elephants carry me away!!

It's also the one day a year all my universes collide and my friends from all aspects of my life meet. So many of my friends have become friends and there has even been one love connection which makes me feel like "Yenta" the matchmaker!! So this year is also Kevin and Katie's one year anniversary!! They met at my party and have been an item ever since!! Love it!

This years festivities center around Drag Queen Bingo which just might be my favorite thing to do in the city. It's interactive without making you sweat, it's entertaining and most importantly it's cheap!! Plus who doesn't want to win dollar store prizes and perhaps see some random nudity!! So after I treat myself to a matinee of Funny Girl at The Ziegfeld (I know, I know, I just got gayer) the gang is meeting downtown to pack the bingo hall and turn out some happy!!

Then it's off for a night cap at one of my favorite bars in the city to count our winnings and make merry till the sun comes up. I'd also like to thank the makers of President's Day for giving me a long weekend to recover from my natal day! So bring it on already, let's clear the snow and drink to me!! :-)

Simply Put.

Happy Birthday Dad!
Miss you! xoxo

The Dream Apt.....

I think as a New Yorker I never take space for granted. The treehouse is a living organism that is in constant flux. Lunar rotations occur 3 times a year or more, things travel in and out living purposefully and then are set free when they have no more use. There isn't room for clutter, and when "things" start to get tight my energy starts to feel claustrophobic and I get jittery.

However, Saturday night I got to see how the other inhabitants of Manhattan live. My dear friend Kevin invited me to his birthday party where he and his girlfriend, the lovely Katie, made us all Indian food. The party was hosted by Kevin’s long time friend CB who lives down on Spring Street. After climbing the breathtaking 6 flights up (and by breathtaking I mean this baby girl could not breathe), I entered what I like to refer to as the quintessential New York City Television apartment.

Meaning for the most part the NY apts shown on TV are far smaller than their pixel reflections. This abode however stands me corrected. After a 5 year renovation CB has carved out the dream apt. a two floor multi-room palace which included an ample roof deck and two fire places. Below are a few of the pictures I took while enjoying one of the best nights I’ve had in the city in a long time.


Anthony & Julia "testing" the wrap around couch....

There was room for all 12 of us at the dining table...


and we all stood mouths gapping at the view of the Empire State building from downtown.


The only thing better than the venue was the amazing company, truly warm and friendly as old and new faces came together over stinky cheese and all the libations you cared to imbibe. CB's rallying cry, "If you have to drink beer, drink it here!!"

Above the fireplace in the living room CB has painted the wall surrounding the flat screen (which by the way was off the entire evening, score one for witty banter and intelligent guests) with chalk board paint. My farewell message was simple: Happiness is Indian food with fun friends. xoxox

SUPER BOWL #44

I love football because my Dad loved football. We watched FSU rule the college game for nearly a decade and the Steelers win more Super Bowls than any other team. Yet all the Super Bowl is for me now is a marker for how many years my parents would have been married. Happy 44th Anniversary Mom & Dad!! xoxoxo-miss you

The Weekender!!

So I don't usually blog on the weekend. After spending the week on the computer at work staring at a screen is the last thing I want to be doing in my free time. However, since I am on a blog a day quest for the month of February I must write on a Saturday.

This morning I got up walked Kayla, went back out and got coffee for myself and my treehouse guest. Then went downtown to help out a friend, who likes me to come over & organize her life. Then a few hours later I'm back up town to find myself sitting here blogging. The house guest has gone, and I'm a little sad. She was still sleeping when I left and I didn't get to say good bye. It's been nice having someone on two legs around the treehouse this week and a reminder that loneliness is my biggest antagonist as of late.

I mean I am surrounded by the best people on earth but there's no special person. No one that is mine and thinks of me before they might think of themselves. I don't know, relationships have never been my "thing". For whatever reason I am unable to find what I want in a partner and now that another birthday and another Valentine's Day is barreling down on me I am thinking that maybe I'm just not going to have that kind of love in my life.

On occasion I am too controlling, too needy, too giving, I expect too much from people and have crazy, mad movie ideas of how love should be. Too many Sunday Matinees watching Cary Grant woo beautiful starlets and too many strong women giving the business right back to the off balanced Jimmy Stewart or bumbling Albert Brooks.

With my luck I will find love in the rest area of the after life. Defending Your Life with Albert Brooks & Meryl Streep might just be my all time favorite love story. With It Happened One Night & His Girl Friday in a close 2nd & 3rd. (pls note this is the romantic comedy list-there are others in other genres) The only reason it rises above the other two is because it is a love story on my time. The themes are the same but the references are of my ilk. Hilarious, tender, and triumphant is this little story of finding your true love after you've died. Meryl is the "cry with me" Queen but I feel she really shines best when riding around in her comedy jumper. She's a flawless comedian because she plays it all for real. A primary key to the art of comedy that Bea Arthur reminded me of this week while I listened to one of her last interviews.

Playing it for real. Maybe that's my relationship problem, I need to play it for real and not just in the control of my mind and fantasy. In the movie of my mind where I can make it perfect, where nothing is really lost or gained, it sounds like the perfect role, but who wants to live in a film can?

Taping on a 2 Show Day….

The View is not always best from the top, sometimes it’s pretty good from the stage right side, up off the floor in the first tier of audience seating. Last week I got to go to a taping of The View, which was completely random because I didn’t remember requesting tickets. I took the three people I knew who had nothing better to do in the middle of the day: Jake, Julia & Madeleine.

Julia & Jake!! (Madeleine is on the other side of me!!!)

We all previously went to a taping of a Comedy Central special last year and so now it’s become our thing, to clap like idiots and wait for schwag!

The show itself is so much smaller in person than it appears on TV.

The crew really works their jelly to turn that lazy susan of a stage around. The guests were pretty good Catherine Zeta Jones & Oscar de la Renta. Catherine is stick thin, a shadow of her former Zorro/Chicago va-va-va-voom! But still gorgeous and working that accent.

Oscar was an old wallet of a man who at first brush referred to the Earthquake in Haiti as a hurricane. WTF?? Which is compounded by the fact that he lives in the Dominican Republic, Haiti’s neighbor….clearly he didn’t take his morning memory pills.

Before the show we received a snack, cookies and juice.

YUM!
Overall a great way NOT to be at work. The only two draw backs: The warm up comic was wah-wah and kept making eyes at Madeleine. His performance made me think of a dozen other comics who would have been so much better.....even me!!! lol! And the schwag we got sucked. I was hoping for tickets to A Little Night Music but all we got were two perfumes one from Oscar & because Catherine is the face of Elizabeth Arden we got a bottle of Pretty. Two words RE-GIFT!!

Ciao Chow!!

Fine dinning is one of my favorite activities. Especially when I'm not paying. One of my first forays into the tasty world of Michelin Stars was at Vong. A thai fusion bistro in the empire of Jean-Georges Vongerichten. Now because of my limited experience I didn't know this was his version of "chinese take out" some critics poo-poo the establishment but for me it was heaven.

It was our Christmas Party outing when I was working at The Really Useful Company, Lord Andrew Lloyd-Webber's New York Production office. From soup to nuts and then some we ordered most everything off the menu and washed it all down with a round of Remy Martin XO! Divine.

I could have dined all night. Sadly though I never got to return to my foodie birth place, I walked past the eatery only to see the following.....

So to Jean-Georges Vongerichten and Vong thank you for opening my plate & palette to more than just cheese grits and goo-goo clusters.

ps-no offense to cheese grits and goo-goo clusters mamma still wuvs you....

Young Hollywood

Holy White Out!!!
Really Vanity Fair all skinny white girls!!! And during Black History Month!!For shame Vanity Fair!! The dream is dead in La-La Land!

NYC Plus vs. Minus

There are many good things about living in New York City. I could bore you to death with all the adventures to be had....but one in particular which I usually enjoy is that at any moment you could happen upon a film crew working.

Only, of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, Gossip Girl films on my block.....I live between a Catholic High School and the High School for the Visual Arts...need I say more.

The looky loos are loud obnoxious and frankly remind me that not everyone should breed especially Catholics. On the other hand the film crew is lovely, one making a path for me to reach my apt building was sweet and apologetic. The only thing that would have made my situation MORE bearable would have been a cupcake from Kraft Services.

Production goes all out for this show. When I emerged from my treehouse to greet the day and go to work I nearly stepped into the Limo they were dressing for the shoot. Then when I returned that night I was blinded by lighting that could have doubled for the sun, or was.....

Actor trailers line the street and crew bundled up like ticks about to pop yell into headsets and scurry around like their lives depend on it and they probably do as disembodied voices scream from the monitor tents, CUT!! RESET!!!

Ahhhhh someday soon it'll be just another day at the office for me!! And I will be the annoy-er not the annoy-ee!!

A reminder....

It’s not that I learned comedy. It’s that I always tried to play everything for real. The important thing is to just get in front of an audience as often as possible, even if you die, you’ve learned something, something happens. And just keep doing it, and keep doing it, and keep doing it. But of course there has to be that love, which I have and had and uh I don’t know what my life would have been like if I hadn’t had it. I don’t know….-Bea Arthur.