To Be or Not To Be...(posted late due to lapse in memory, ie: I forgot I wrote it..)

It's a famous question one that we all must struggle with, some of find it easy to live and dread the darkness of death. Others long for the peace that comes in the silence. Heath Ledger now knows this stillness. Whether by accident or on purpose, only time will tell, he lies with the fishes as they say.

My world weary heart can barely stand it. This lose does not ring true in a breast still beating. It feels strange, out of sync, something that came too soon, something that could have easily well been a plot twist, to take the hero at the beginning of the story only to have his spirit restored and by the end the would be lovers reunited with bliss within their finger tips. Unfortunately, life isn't a script. No one dies in the arms of their true love on a street with no name. Heath didn't get his close up before he faded to black. He was alone, in his home, naked, in bed with pills scattered about his head. Nothing red carpet or glamorous about it. No flashing paparazzi, no Access Hollywood.

My mind still tries to understand why? Was it an accident? Was it on purpose? We may never know the truth. How unhappy could someone so talented be? Who seemed to have everything in his grasp. Sure a marriage that seemed to have failed, but a baby girl. Matilda, 2yrs old who will have to watch the 15 films her father was in to even glimpse the man he was or could have been. I know what it's like to hold on the shadows, memories, things that make up the child you were and the woman you become. How could he leave her? How could they leave me?

What's really weird is that I just watched Brokeback Mountain from stem to stern this weekend. I know, I know they could take my gay card away for waiting so long but, I had seen bits and pieces but not the full film in it's entirety. I thought that Heath whose character said so little verbally, but said so much was a mark of genius and pain. A dear friend gave me A Knight's Tale as a Christmas present. It's playing in the background as I write this rambling. Now we wait to see if the toxicology will tell us anything, does anyone know why Mary Kate Olsen is involved (random!!!) whatever the out come, I mourn the lose of someone so young and talented. Young people die everyday and it's sad and tragic across the board.