During my down blog days, (sounds like a yoga move) I managed to affix my star to a Broadway producer. He hired me on the spot after my interview (which was originally to be a part time clerical for him and his wife) to be his bloodhound in finding new works and to help with his current projects. Apparently my gusto and zeal for all things theatre moved him in such a way that, me wasting time with spread sheets and letterhead would be a disservice of a true talent. I agreed.
Things are moving slowly like all well crafted projects should, a baby step here a baby step there….
What I mean to say though about this experience so far is that I spend 8 hours (sometime 9 if I don’t leave my desk for lunch) a day sitting in a cube processing other people’s work & dreams. It’s rewarding not for profit work for everyone else but me. Truthfully it’s nice to think what I do in some small way makes the earth a better place providing means and resources for those in need. However, what’s in peril and need is my soul.
I know I am on the wrong path, I’ve known it for years, but complacency has made me her bitch. I’ve become what I swore I never would, a settle monkey. I’ve settled for a job that pays my bills but does nothing for my creativity or dreams. I’ve given up on being healthy and fit and used my baby leg as the excuse. My love life is in shambles because of the two previous soul sucking obstacles. The only highs I’ve had at work over the past year have been when I have hosted retirement parties for co-workers. As the mail room told me, “You’re the Richard Pryor of UJA-Federation.” This last show, several people came up to me and asked, “What are you doing here?” “Why aren’t you famous?” Good questions kids….and I tell you why, I’ve felt second best my whole life. I put everyone else around ahead or above me thinking I don’t deserve to be at their level.
Since I started my assistant producer job things have turned. It’s like drinking 15 red bulls in a row and then doing an 8 ball. I get so high and happy from just meeting with him and talking about what we are doing that I go home and bounce off the walls for hours. My baby leg doesn't hurt; I feel strong & smart & fierce, that I can do anything and bend those which oppose me to my will.
If things progress the way I am hoping I might finally be on the right path. Back to the theatre world I should have never left, back to the body which I was sculpting out for myself at last, back to putting myself first and making things count for ME! FOR ME!! Rose move over her comes Brandy!
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