Even in her passing.....

Nora Ephron keeps giving me insight into the mess that is my life even two days after her death. Via a lovely article in The New Yorker written by the hot, new "it" girl star, director, & writer of HBO's GIRLS. SEEING NORA EVERYWHERE by Lena Dunham

1) "You can't meet someone until you've become what you're becoming."

No wonder I've been alone for 25years. I'm still caccooned in the fear of being. Don't get me wrong I have peeled back layer upon layer to get down to the me I want to be. The me I know I am, but in its equally haunting refrain I hear my own mother telling me, "No one will love you until you love yourself." Yup, both are true obviously, only I didn't think they would be the remedy to each other. How do YOU love yourself? Answer: By becoming who you are, not by hiding or pretending to be a stage manager or an executive assistant who could give a flying fig about fundraising. Geez one session with Nora could have saved my thousands in therapy.

2) "You cannot wait around for someone to give you permission to tell your stories."

Crap. 

I was hoping that's how it worked. Someone would read one of my stories, blogs or think one of my jokes was particularly funny and then boom! You are granted permission into the writing room of your choice where there are snacks in the communal kitchen and you can bring your dog to work. A freshly scrubbed hipster face pops in every 20 minutes to ask if YOU need anything while you create the "second" greatest story ever told.

If I don't tell the stories that are marinating within me then I am not my truest self and therefore I'll never become the person I'm supposed to be to attract the person who's supposed to love me. Instead I'll die alone a bitter, frustrated writer at the bottom of a whiskey bottle who's true talent and voice were wasted because she was too afraid to be judged. Well I don't like that one bit. 

I ranted on Facebook yesterday after reading there is ANOTHER play being produced with a 5:1 male to female ratio. This makes me want to vomit in my hat. Only I don't have a leg to stand on because I'm a "bag of cats" over anyone reading/judging my plays, who am I kidding they wouldn't get produced anyway because none of the women die, get raped or have an abortion.

So with Mixed Fruit, my web series I'm co-writing with a friend I am taking baby steps toward myself. The writer. Let's hope the rest works itself out.