Cleaning House

Dear Double Chin,

This letter is to notify you that your time has come. Time for you to pack up your bags and leave the premises, your lease has expired. I am tired of seeing you in pictures and reminding me that eating double bacon cheese burgers after 11pm is not a reward but a future punishment yet to be revealed.

You slumber across my larynx with a lethargy reserved mostly for three toed sloth’s and the occasional tranny on the nod. It's been a lazy four years of self apathy which is not entirely your fault. My surgery made for an excellent excuse to back slide into a comfortable bean bag lifestyle.

I miss my jaw line, my hard biceps, and my graceful curves that used to be sexy, but now just remind one of an eggplant. I’m tired of being winded from subway stairs and standing up. I spent so much money on getting fit four years ago that most third world countries would have increased their GNP, but instead in the wake of injury I increased my BMI.

This is not a resolution but a plan to live a more healthy life and hope that there is still time to wear my skinny jeans before 2012 and the world ends.

So pack up your overwhelming fear of change, your self doubt and leave, the reconstruction begins immediately.

sincerely,
brandy