A Public Institution

Getting free tickets to Shakespeare in the Park is one of the reasons I heart New York. A cool June evening under the stars with a dear friend (Ned Noyes) and the words of the Bard mixing with the nightingales, jet engines, barking dogs, & drunk ultimate Frisbee players rejoicing in their ultimate attempts at gravity make it an experience NOT to be missed. 

However last night, Measure for Measure was on the bill. Ned and I tried to recall the synopsis of the story but couldn't quite remember who was going to do what to whom? Fornication is the trial by fire in which all the characters must fall beneath or rise above. The opening was quite titillating with leather clad, anatomically correct devils making their way to a bed that was rising from the floor. Pulling back the sheet to reveal an orgy of some degree I turned to Ned and said, "OOOO fun it's like a Lady Gaga video." I was sssshed immediately by an acutely aware geriatric. 

Unfortunately that was the highlight of this contradictory tale of unlikable characters who vacillate from one side of the moral compass to the other while not making a rational decision about anything in their lives. No wonder it's considered one of Shakespeare's "problem" plays. There's no focus and it never gets tragic enough or funny enough to make you care enough. 

Ned and I waited for our leather Lucifers to return and make a scene, but they didn't. They didn't even show up for the curtain call. Probably had a hot session at the Cock scheduled and needed to bolt early. Wish I had…because sitting behind us were the "Deliverance Twins" seriously, pot bellied hill people with really bad teeth who burped and slurped at food? Maybe? I'm not sure, I couldn't bear to turn and see what they were consuming, possibly that missing girl from Westchester? 

All I know is that my mother's voice was ringing in my ears, "Don't they teach children to chew with their mouths closed anymore?" Every suckle and wisp of air that was inhaled through the enameled, unbridled stalactites that posed as teeth wore on my sanity. It was only after we adjourned to the restroom that I thought of the perfect thing to say, “Sir! Dare I say you suck upon your teeth as if they were a maid but by my troth it stands in reason that your lips have known NO maid in any season!" 

Hopefully, if I manage to get tickets to All’s Well That Ends Well, it will do just that END WELL.