The Weekender!!

So I don't usually blog on the weekend. After spending the week on the computer at work staring at a screen is the last thing I want to be doing in my free time. However, since I am on a blog a day quest for the month of February I must write on a Saturday.

This morning I got up walked Kayla, went back out and got coffee for myself and my treehouse guest. Then went downtown to help out a friend, who likes me to come over & organize her life. Then a few hours later I'm back up town to find myself sitting here blogging. The house guest has gone, and I'm a little sad. She was still sleeping when I left and I didn't get to say good bye. It's been nice having someone on two legs around the treehouse this week and a reminder that loneliness is my biggest antagonist as of late.

I mean I am surrounded by the best people on earth but there's no special person. No one that is mine and thinks of me before they might think of themselves. I don't know, relationships have never been my "thing". For whatever reason I am unable to find what I want in a partner and now that another birthday and another Valentine's Day is barreling down on me I am thinking that maybe I'm just not going to have that kind of love in my life.

On occasion I am too controlling, too needy, too giving, I expect too much from people and have crazy, mad movie ideas of how love should be. Too many Sunday Matinees watching Cary Grant woo beautiful starlets and too many strong women giving the business right back to the off balanced Jimmy Stewart or bumbling Albert Brooks.

With my luck I will find love in the rest area of the after life. Defending Your Life with Albert Brooks & Meryl Streep might just be my all time favorite love story. With It Happened One Night & His Girl Friday in a close 2nd & 3rd. (pls note this is the romantic comedy list-there are others in other genres) The only reason it rises above the other two is because it is a love story on my time. The themes are the same but the references are of my ilk. Hilarious, tender, and triumphant is this little story of finding your true love after you've died. Meryl is the "cry with me" Queen but I feel she really shines best when riding around in her comedy jumper. She's a flawless comedian because she plays it all for real. A primary key to the art of comedy that Bea Arthur reminded me of this week while I listened to one of her last interviews.

Playing it for real. Maybe that's my relationship problem, I need to play it for real and not just in the control of my mind and fantasy. In the movie of my mind where I can make it perfect, where nothing is really lost or gained, it sounds like the perfect role, but who wants to live in a film can?